Stella Reddy's Story of Hope

I learned many years ago, in therapy, that Mental Strength and Mental Health, were a bit different and this thinking has also helped me in my recovery from my recent experience. I am very grateful I have had the many years of therapy I have had! 

I found this article recently and it is similar to the one I already read in the past, as it gives you valid things you can do, to help you gain mental strength. I do these things, every day, and I will continue to do them for the rest of my life, as it is important to me. I am worth it! I am worth taking the time to do what I need to help me heal my mental health. Everyone is!

Three Parts to Mental Strength

Mental strength has three parts:

1. Thinking: It involves the ability to think realistically. That means knowing how to recognize irrational thoughts and replace them with a more realistic inner dialogue. It’s also about speaking to yourself with kindness. So when you’re tempted to be overly critical of yourself, mental strength allows you to respond with self-compassion.

Being real with yourself is very important for recovery, not just mentally but also physically. Recognizing irrational thoughts, and learning how to replace them with more realistic ones, is the first and most important step. I have gained most of my Mental Strength over my lifetime, from my physical health issues, as I have had so many that could just drive some people to insanity. I learned I had no control over any of it, so getting mad at myself was a waste of time.

Imagine being told at 23 years old, while 7 months pregnant with your second child, that you have Cervical Cancer and require a hysterectomy.  Imagine, living with this thought throughout the rest of your pregnancy, that cancer is there, growing inside your body, but you have to wait to get it out, and it will take over a year. This thought drove me a little insane, to be honest with you. My doctor sent me into counselling within a couple of months, as I really needed it. It was there that I learned the difference between mental strength and mental health.

Having so many medical health issues has helped me gain Mental Strength, as I had to learn how to deal with the emotions from getting these diagnoses, as well as the physical pain from surgeries and recoveries. Getting any medical diagnosis can also affect you mentally!

This is where I gained most of my mental strength. Some of these physical ailments also contributed to my mental ailments, especially with anxiety.

My last bad one, in 2015 with the Cervical Spinal Stenosis, was the hardest to manage, and still is some days. It isn’t easy living with this one, the numbness and tingling down my left side, get on my nerves!! I know one day, I will lose the use of my left hand and arm! Good thing I am right-handed! 

The skills I learned all those years ago, have helped me with being Bullied too. It helped me to remember that these were just tenants, not some magical beings who could read minds, but callous people being deliberately mean and cruel. The tricks I learned then, helped me combat their gaslighting!

1. Feeling: Mental strength doesn’t involve suppressing your emotions or denying your pain. Instead, it’s about acknowledging how you feel. Sometimes, that means accepting an uncomfortable emotion or even calming yourself down before having a tough conversation.

Accepting how you feel about a situation, whether it be physical or mental, is also an important step.

I accept I was very hurt, and angry, to see that 7-page letter in August 2016 from those tenants. I was also very hurt and angry the owners wouldn’t deal with it, nor would they let me. I even had a letter already done up, but I was told to ignore it, no matter how I felt over it, and I had no trouble expressing my feelings over it either, back then. It took months for me to relax after that, but I never did relax completely. I knew from the experience of dealing with Tenants, that it wasn’t over.

It was the pressure from so many, over that first year in 2017 till I quit in July 2018, that wore me down and took away my voice. This constant pressure, to be quiet, caused me to suppress my emotions, and I learned to bury them, as I felt hopeless, as no one seemed to care.

I ended up feeling, why bother expressing myself when it does nothing? My depression kicked in. I experienced a lot of very strong feelings over being bullied by tenants. After living in fear for so long, I had to re-learn how to express some of them, especially my pain.

I will never bury my emotions anymore, it isn’t worth it. I don’t like feeling emotionally dead, it is very uncomfortable for me.

1. Doing: Mental strength is about taking productive action. Whether that means working out even when you’re tired or it means allowing yourself to engage in self-care, it involves ensuring that your behaviors are good for you.

Seeking therapy is being proactive and productive for myself.

Moving from Ontario in 2020 was productive for me. I will always put myself, and my emotional needs, first now before any other. I will always continue to do it for ME, as I am the only one who knows what I need and I am the only one who can ensure I get it.

As I have said many times, it is my life to live!

The way you think affects how you feel and how you feel affects how you behave. Your behavior, in turn, affects how you think. There is a mind-body connection that links our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors

Try the exercises below, they will help you find focus. I do them all, every single day, and will continue to do so, as it helps me.

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-difference-between-mental-strength-and-mental-health-5078284

Mental Strength vs. Mental Health

The difference between mental strength and mental health becomes easier to understand when you compare it to the difference between physical health and physical strength. Building bigger muscles can improve your physical health. However, big muscles don’t guarantee you won’t ever deal with a physical health problem, like high cholesterol.

And while a health issue might make it a little more difficult to go to the gym and workout, you can still make choices that help you grow physically stronger even when you have a physical health problem.

The exercises that build mental strength will also improve your mental health. And better mental health makes it easier to grow mentally strong.

Three Parts to Mental Strength

Mental strength has three parts:1

1. Thinking: It involves the ability to think realistically. That means knowing how to recognize irrational thoughts and replace them with a more realistic inner dialogue. It’s also about speaking to yourself with kindness. So when you’re tempted to be overly critical of yourself, mental strength allows you to respond with self-compassion.
2. Feeling: Mental strength doesn’t involve suppressing your emotions or denying your pain. Instead, it’s about acknowledging how you feel. Sometimes, that means accepting an uncomfortable emotion or even calming yourself down before having a tough conversation.
3. Doing: Mental strength is about taking productive action. Whether that means working out even when you’re tired or it means allowing yourself to engage in self-care, it involves ensuring that your behaviors are good for you.

How to Build Mental Strength

Fortunately, everyone has the ability to build mental strength. Developing bigger mental muscles takes exercise—just like developing bigger physical muscles. Building mental strength may, in turn, also improve your mental health.

While there are many exercises that can help you build mental strength, here are a few simple ones that can get you started.

Cognitive Exercises

Cognitive exercises are those strategies that help you think differently. This could include any exercise that helps you think more positively, reframe negative thoughts, or develop a more realistic mindset. Here are some examples of healthy cognitive exercises:

• Write in a gratitude journal: Gratitude journals are an excellent way to activate and strengthen positive thoughts and feelings.
• Talk to yourself like a trusted friend: People are often harder on themselves than they are on their friends. So, try to show yourself the same compassion you would extend to a loved one.
• Argue the opposite: In the moments you’re convinced everything will go wrong, think of everything that could go right.

Emotional Exercises

Emotional exercises increase your self-awareness about your emotional state. They may help you recognize when your emotions are helpful or not helpful, they may assist you in identifying strategies that reduce the intensity of your feelings, or they may help you embrace uncomfortable feelings. Here are some examples of emotional exercises:

• Label your feelings: Noticing your feelings as feelings can help you get some distance from them. This can help you think more logically and get a better perspective on the problems or emotions you’re dealing with.
• Use healthy coping skills to deal with uncomfortable emotions: Instead of only focusing on negative emotions, you can take a walk, give yourself a pep talk, or read a book you enjoy. This isn’t an attempt to avoid or ignore your feelings, but it can help to alleviate some of your painful emotions.
• Take deep breaths: Deep breathing exercises can help reduce anxiety and alleviate tension from your body and mind.

Behavioral Exercises

Behavioral exercises are about getting up and doing things that are good for you. These actions help you feel better and perform at your peak. Some examples of behavioral exercises include:

• Perform behavioral experiments: Behavioral experiments help to challenge any thoughts that are unproductive and self-limiting.
• Schedule positive activities: It always helps your mental well-being to make time for things that bring you joy. Schedule a warm bath before bed or carve out some time to cook a nice meal for yourself.
• Engage in hobbies: Hobbies will engage your mind in something that you love to do. Whether it’s taking pictures or baking, hobbies can bring a sense of accomplishment that can help you feel good about yourself.
  

  A Word From Verywell

  A lot of people misunderstand mental strength. They think being strong is about not crying at sad movies or not acknowledging hurt feelings. But experiencing and expressing normal human emotions takes more strength than suppressing them. So, don’t believe that showing emotion means you’re weak.

  Similarly, don’t buy into the notion that mentally strong people don’t ask for help. It takes incredible mental strength to admit you don’t have all the answers or to recognize when you might need help.

  If you want to know how to build more mental strength, reach out for help. Talking to a mental health professional might help you develop the mental strength you need to think, feel, and do your best in life.