I remember the feeling all too well—the endless cycle of trying to explain myself, the frustration of being misunderstood, and the emotional exhaustion that came with it. I am so grateful I found a way to stop doing that!
I found myself trapped in a relationship with a narcissistic Tenant in the workplace, where my voice seemed to vanish into thin air, swallowed by their need for control and dominance over the situation. You can see some of their perspective on their site, stellareddy.com. I had to learn a better way.
These Tenants were evicted for breaking the rules of entry by Ontario’s Landlord and Tenant Board (LTB) in October 2017. They proceeded to go on an 8-year rant on various websites they created that they didn’t do that, claiming I am a liar and “forged and altered” documents that were sent to the LTB as I was “racist” against them and wanted them out of the building.
Legal Actions Against ME from October 2017- January 2020 that show the facts of this case.
- Landlord and Tenant Board Eviction Document released October 3, 2017: TEL-83876-17 (Re), 2017 CanLII 84930 (ON LTB) https://canlii.ca/t/hpbxw
- Divisional Court Document Released April 15, 2019: https://canlii.ca/t/hzs47
- Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario was Released on January 22, 2020, after KR & AR didn’t show up for the Hearing by Teleconference: ER v. Liscio, 2020 HRTO 73 (CanLII), <https://canlii.ca/t/j4z4w>, ER v. Liscio, 2019 HRTO 415 (CanLII), <https://canlii.ca/t/hz14r>
It took me a long time to realize that one of the most empowering decisions I could make was to let go of my desperate need for them to hear or understand me. I got lost for a time during the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario (HRTO) applications against me from June 2018 – November 2019 when tried to get them to understand the reality of the situation.
In those moments of frustration, I often felt like I was speaking to a brick wall. No matter how clearly I articulated my thoughts or feelings, they would redirect the conversation, twist my words, or accuse me of things I didn’t do. It was maddening.
I found myself constantly defending who I was, and it felt like I was losing pieces of myself in the process. I realized that the more I fought for recognition, the more I became entangled in their web of manipulation.
So, I made a choice. I chose to embrace the idea that I didn’t need their validation.
During my education on toxic traits, I began to understand that narcissists often thrive on misunderstanding and chaos. Their reality is one where they must always be the victim, and any attempt to introduce logic or clarity is met with resistance. I had to accept that they would forever live in their fantasy world, and in order to reclaim my power, I needed to step away from that realm.
This journey wasn’t easy. It involved a lot of soul-searching and introspection. At first, I struggled with the idea of not being heard. I had always considered myself a communicator, someone who valued open dialogue. However, I had to remind myself that communication only works when both parties are willing to engage honestly. In my case, that willingness was absent, and it was draining me.
I began to practice letting go. I would consciously choose not to engage in the back-and-forth of placing blame. Instead of defending myself, I allowed their accusations to wash over me like water off a duck’s back. I realized that their words had no power unless I gave them power. I could choose to disengage, to step back, and to protect my energy.
As I continued this practice, I felt a shift within me. I was no longer tied to the need for their approval. I began to prioritize my own understanding of myself over the distorted perceptions they imposed on me. I learned to trust my own narrative and to acknowledge my feelings without needing them to validate those feelings. It was liberating.
I also discovered the importance of surrounding myself with people who truly understood me. I sought out friends and family who listened without judgment, who provided a safe space for me to express my thoughts and feelings without fear of misunderstanding. In their company, I felt seen and heard in a way I had longed for but had never received from the narcissist. This support network became a lifeline for me, reminding me that I was not alone in my experiences.
Letting go of the need to be understood by the narcissist also meant accepting that I could not change them. I had spent countless hours trying to make them see my perspective, hoping that if I just explained things clearly enough, they would understand. But I learned that their inability to empathize was a fundamental part of who they were.
I could not force them to change and accept the facts of their eviction, nor could I continue to sacrifice my own peace of mind in the process.
In this newfound freedom, I began to explore who I was and what I wanted my life to look like in the future. I found joy in creating, and in expressing myself in my Blog without the need for anyone’s approval.
I also took time to reflect on my self-worth. I started journalling again, writing down my thoughts and feelings without the fear of judgment. I celebrated my achievements, no matter how small, and reminded myself that I am enough just as I am. This process of self-affirmation became a cornerstone of my healing journey.
As I distanced myself from the toxic tenant’s grip, I recognized that I could live in the real world without them. I no longer felt like I was living under a cloud of confusion and self-doubt. Instead, I embraced my reality, filled with clarity and authenticity. I learned to trust my instincts and honour my feelings without seeking external validation.
In letting go of my need to be heard by the narcissist, I found my voice again. I discovered the power of setting boundaries, standing firm in my truth, and surrounding myself with love and support.
I learned that my worth is not defined by someone else’s perception of me; rather, it is rooted in my own understanding and acceptance of who I am.
This journey has been life-changing, and while it hasn’t been without its challenges, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned along the way.
I now see my past experiences as stepping stones that have led me to a stronger, more empowered version of myself. I encourage anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation to embrace the idea of letting go—to liberate yourself from the chains of misunderstanding and to reclaim your power.
Life is too precious to waste on trying to fit into someone else’s narrative. I choose to live in the real world, where my voice matters, and where I am free to be myself. And I hope you choose the same.