Finding Peace of Mind Through Mindfulness

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Waking Up To Narcissism By @healing.after.a.narcissist
Reading Time: 6 minutes

Embracing Mindfulness as a Path to Healing

A few years ago, while being bullied online by Toxic Tenants in various domains they created, I found myself yearning for a sense of inner peace and contentment.

During therapy one day, I was asked if I heard of Mindfulness, which I always thought involved meditation, but I was told that day that it is the act of being in the present moment and allowing your feelings and thoughts to come and go without judgement. It started me on my research and with the help of my therapist, I learned to apply the various aspects to my daily life. Now, it is second nature…

This is my personal story of discovering mindfulness as a powerful tool for recovery from emotional abuse and personal growth. 

Waking Up To Narcissism

In November 2017 I found myself entangled in a nightmarish situation when I became the victim of cyberbullying by toxic tenants in the workplace. These individuals mercilessly unleashed their toxic traits upon me out of revenge, as they didn’t like how I did my job.

You see, they were evicted in 2017 for denied entry for repairs over a year. They stood in the Landlord and Tenant Board hearing in Sept 2017 and said “No one was getting in when no one was home” and this led to their eviction.

They appealed this with Divisional Court, claiming there was bias shown to them and lost in April 2019 so they vacated in June 2019 before the Sheriff could come. They even filed Human Rights complaints in June 2018 and after 19 months of the process, a hearing was scheduled for Jan 2020, which they didn’t show up for so all was dismissed as abandoned.

They applied to various Legal Tribunals and Courts but didn’t want to accept their determinations. 

Legal Decisions that have been released are below:

Over time, from 2017-2022 they created a public spectacle by making 7 websites about me where the posts were filled with their one-sided narratives. My voice was not given a place in their narratives, it is all their own personal viewpoints, which they finally admit this past year.

It is only this recent posting of stellareddy.com in March 2024 that they share this “disclaimer” at the top that I find very disingenuous.

Our family filed a complaint with the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario and are the only source of commentary on this website. You are allowed to research the subject and form your own conclusions. Since we are unable to see in the minds of those invovled, we are unable to declare that our opinions are fact. Every opinion is predicated on what we believe to be the best and most reasonable case scenario.

They didn’t prove their allegations in the legal applications but proceeded online as if they did anyway. It was a tormenting experience that left me feeling broken, vulnerable, and questioning my every step for a long time. I feared for my safety, not only for myself but also for other family members.

It was only in this past year that some of these domains were deleted! Currently, there are only 3 left, the original one of 859kennedyroad.com, which has no content, and davidstrashin.com which redirects to stellareddy.com. No matter how many times these domains were suspended, they would show up on another host, which is currently a free-speech one in Panama. The same person behind koryread.com owns them They have others against other people and businesses too, though some of them have also been recently deleted!

Recognizing Toxic Traits: Amidst the chaos, I embarked on a journey into self-awareness, determined to understand the dynamics of toxic abuse. I started to understand the situation and it helped me quite a bit. Educating myself on the various toxic traits I was being exposed to, helped to lessen the impact they had on my mental health.

  • Gaslighting, a common tactic employed by toxic individuals, was used to make me doubt my own reality and question my worth. My every word and action was invalidated and twisted in the contents of their posts. I spoke of my PTSD and these Tenants claimed I was “fake”.
  • Triangulation with my bosses, other tenants, and my own family members further twisted the truth and left me feeling isolated and helpless. They publicly exposed my family members on these sites as well, creating fear of who will be “exposed” next.
  • Manipulation seeped into even the smallest interactions, leaving me constantly on guard. I became afraid to leave my apartment.

I was terrified of being attacked by one of the 4 million people living in Toronto ON at the time over the false allegations of racism and discrimination they levelled against me.

Armed with the understanding that their actions were not a reflection of my worth, I tuned into my inner strength and embarked on a healing path. While they claim to know me personally to write what they do, I can tell you they do not. They are writing from their own perspective, which is skewed by resentment and anger towards me for the part I played in their eviction. I too was filled with resentment and anger in the early days over their actions in my name, so my earlier writings also reflected that.

Discovering Mindfulness: Toward the end of this terrible period in the Fall of 2019, I stumbled upon mindfulness with the help of my therapist. Intrigued by the concept, I immersed myself in the practice with the hope of finding solace and clarity. Little did I know that this would be a turning point in my recovery journey.

Mindfulness involves intentionally paying attention to the present moment without judgment. Through various techniques such as breathing exercises, and self-reflection, I began to train my mind to focus on the present and let go of the past. It was hard at times to control my emotions, but I had to find a way for my own sanity. The renumerating was terrible, as I mentioned in one of my recent posts.

As I delved deeper into mindfulness, I started noticing a shift within myself. The practice helped me detach from the negative narratives created by the toxic abuse and provided me with tools to regain control over my thoughts and emotions. I no longer allowed their false allegations to define me, and gradually, I reclaimed my personal power.

Recovering Mental Health: Embracing mindfulness was just the beginning. Alongside my mindfulness practice, I dedicated myself to nurturing my mental health through various techniques.

Living in Newfoundland and Labrador, I have access to some of the most awesome scenery! I regularly walk out in Mother Nature absorbing the scenery here, cultivating healthy relationships with my friends and family members, even having the courage to meet new people, engaging in creative outlets such as writing, on this Blog and in my journals, and seeking professional help were all integral parts of my recovery journey.

Resilience: Through the practice of mindfulness, I not only found solace but also unlocked the potential for personal growth. As I faced the darkness head-on, I re-discovered the seeds of resilience deep within me that I knew I had. I had to face my fears to find out they were not as bad as I thought through exposure therapy. I did what I wanted, no matter how scared and anxious I was!

Mindfulness helped me acknowledge my pain without becoming consumed by it, allowing me to turn adversity into an opportunity for growth. 

Guided by Mindfulness: While my journey to recovery is constantly ongoing, mindfulness has provided me with an anchor. It continues to guide me toward light and peace, helping me build a foundation from which I am flourishing.

I am very far removed from the broken and vulnerable person I was in the beginning, who hid away from living, and I will forever be grateful for that! I engage in my Community by attending Events and going to Concerts and Shows. I am constantly talking to other people, including Tourists who come to our beautiful City, and I am out whenever possible, taking in the scenery around me. I even reach out to other Bloggers!

I live in gratitude to be here, in this place, and have come to love my life!

Your Journey to Healing Begins Today

If you find yourself in a similar situation, grappling with the aftermath of toxic abuse, know that you are not alone. While you may feel that way, you are not. Reclaiming your mental health and embarking on a journey of personal growth is possible.

Through the practice of mindfulness, you can find solace, peace of mind, and the strength to overcome the terrible abuse. Embrace your resilience, harness the power within you, and embark on a path to healing and happiness. You will thank yourself for the effort! I know I do!!

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