Stella Reddy's Story

Reading Time: 4 minutes

When I think back to the beginning of the bullying I endured from those toxic tenants, I can see now that I wasn’t just dealing with their behaviour – I was dealing with my own unhealed trauma at the same time. I didn’t know it then. I thought I was just “stressed” or “trying to cope.” But the truth is, I was hearing everything through the filter of old wounds I hadn’t yet faced.

The words in this quote describe exactly where I was emotionally in those early days:

Unhealed people don’t listen with their ears. They listen with their triggers. They don’t hear your words. They hear their wounds. They turn calm into criticism, honesty into attack, and silence into abandonment. Every response is shaped by fear, not understanding. You’re having a conversation, but they’re fighting battles from another time. No matter how gently you speak, pain speaks louder. That’s why healing isn’t a luxury. It’s necessary for connection, for clarity, for peace.

At the time, I didn’t realize how much of my own past pain was being activated by their behaviour. I knew I had post-traumatic stress disorder for many years; I didn’t know the symptoms were being triggered until I saw a specialist. I only knew that every interaction left me shaken, confused, and doubting myself. I was trying to do my job, but inside, I was fighting battles from another time – just like the quote says.

How My Unhealed Trauma Made Their Bullying Hit Harder

When the harassment first started in August 2016, I didn’t have the language for what I was experiencing. I didn’t know about narcissistic traits, projection, or emotional immaturity. I didn’t understand trauma responses -especially my own.

All I knew was that:

• every accusation felt like a personal attack
• every email filled me with dread
• every twisting of my words made me question my own memory
• every escalation made me feel smaller and more powerless

I wasn’t just reacting to them. I was reacting to every moment in my life when I had been unfairly blamed, dismissed, or made to feel responsible for someone else’s emotions. Their bullying tapped directly into old wounds I had that never healed.

So when they twisted my calm into “condescension,” it hurt. When they treated my silence as “abandonment,” it hurt. When they turned my honesty into “attacks,” it hurt.

Not because their words were true – but because my unhealed pain was louder than my own self‑trust.

When Their Behaviour Became a Mirror I Didn’t Want to Look Into

I remember trying so hard to stay professional. I wrote clear, factual emails. I tried to de‑escalate. I tried to be patient. But no matter how gently I spoke, they reacted as if I had done something terrible.

And because I was unhealed, I internalized it.

I thought:

• Maybe I worded that wrong.
• Maybe I should have explained more.
• Maybe I’m the problem.
• Maybe I’m not strong enough to handle this job.

Their bullying became a mirror reflecting back every insecurity I had carried for years. I didn’t yet understand that their reactions had nothing to do with me. I didn’t yet understand that I was dealing with people who were unhealed themselves—people who listened with their triggers, not their ears.

But I also didn’t understand that I was unhealed, too.

And that combination—my pain and their cruelty—created the perfect storm.

The Moment I Realized I Was Fighting Battles From My Past

There came a point where I couldn’t deny it anymore in 2019 after getting into therapy. My body was reacting before my mind could catch up. My heart raced when I saw their names in my inbox. My hands shook when I had to respond. I felt myself shrinking inside, reverting to old survival patterns.

That’s when I finally understood: I wasn’t just dealing with workplace bullying. I was dealing with my own past trauma being dragged to the surface.

Their behaviour was abusive, yes. But my reactions were shaped by wounds I had never healed. I was hearing them through the filter of every time I had been mistreated, dismissed, or made to feel powerless.

I was having a conversation in the present, but my nervous system was fighting battles from another time.

Healing Changed Everything – Including How I Hear People Now

As I began to heal, something shifted. I started seeing their behaviour for what it was: projection, insecurity, emotional immaturity, and a desperate need for control. I stopped taking their words as truth. I stopped letting their accusations define me. I stopped hearing them through the lens of my old wounds.

Healing didn’t make their behaviour acceptable. It made it clear.

And clarity is what finally gave me peace.

Healing allowed me to:

• hear with understanding instead of fear
• respond from strength instead of survival
• trust my own perception again
• stop absorbing other people’s pain as my responsibility

Healing didn’t change what they did. It changed what I believed about myself.

When I read that quote now, I see the version of myself who was trying so hard to stay afloat while drowning in both their cruelty and my own unhealed pain. I see a woman who didn’t yet know her worth, her strength, or her right to safety.

But I also see how far I’ve come. I see how far my relationships have come, especially my marriage.

I listen differently now. I speak differently now. I trust myself in a way I never could back then.

Healing gave me back my clarity – and with it, my peace.

As the poster below says, I stopped trying to prove I was hurt:  I know I was. I don’t need apologies anymore, and I stopped waiting for people to accept my version of events because it no longer matters. I know what I experienced.

You Are Healing!