My story of hope is not about denying the reality of narcissistic abuse, but about finding strength and healing in spite of it. I show that while narcissists operate by rigid, controlling rules designed to suppress others, it is possible to break free, reclaim your voice, and build a life defined by authenticity and resilience. I hope that my experiences serve as a testament that, even after enduring the emotional turmoil imposed by a narcissist’s rules, hope and recovery are achievable.
When I first encountered narcissistic behaviour in the workplace in August 2016, I didn’t have the language to describe what was happening. I have spent the past few years learning all I could on the subject, and it is never-ending…I still learn something new every day!
Today, as I reflect from the peaceful shores of Newfoundland and Labrador, where I now live in retirement, I can identify the patterns that once controlled and diminished my sense of self. My name is Stella Reddy, though I prefer my nickname, Lorrie, and I’ve dedicated my blog to sharing my journey of growth, resilience, and healing.
The Rulebook of a Narcissist
In my experience dealing with narcissistic individuals, I’ve come to recognize their unspoken rulebook. “Do as I say, not as I do” became the repeated mantra. I would watch in bewilderment as they held me to impossible standards while exempting themselves from the same expectations. This inconsistency left me constantly off-balance and questioning my perceptions.
I learned quickly that challenging a narcissist was futile because “I’m never wrong” was their core belief. When I would present evidence contradicting their claims or point out inconsistencies in their behaviour, I was met with rage, gaslighting, or the silent treatment. I began to doubt my own reality, wondering if perhaps I really was the problem all along. *Updated* About: Stella Reddy’s Story of Cyberbullying
Living Under Narcissistic Control
“It’s my way or the highway” wasn’t just a saying- it was my daily reality. I remember countless occasions where my preferences, needs, and even my physical and emotional well-being were disregarded in favour of the narcissist’s desires. These tenants broke the rules of apartment living and were evicted for it, not the reason they claimed.
The message was clear: conform or face consequences, which was the creation of domains where they doxxed me, spreading lies about the situation. At the height of their smear campaign, they had 7 websites where they called me names, doxxed my info, lied about my actions, and tried to open me up to ridicule and judgments from others.
The belief that “The world revolves around me” manifests in every interaction. I noticed how conversations would always redirect to them, how my accomplishments would be minimized or co-opted, and how their problems always took precedence over mine. I felt invisible except when I was serving their needs or receiving blame. Even the contents of their sites were aimed at showing what a “victim” they were.
The Competitive Nature
“I don’t like to be number 2” meant no one else was ever allowed to shine. While the legal actions they filed were coming to an end, and they lost or walked away from them, it was met with subtle sabotage. I would be criticized, undermined, or faced with a sudden “crisis” that everyone was in “cahoots” with me against them. Even his own personal site takedown was blamed on me…
The Emotional Hostage-Taking
Perhaps the most damaging rule was “If I’m not happy, nobody is going to be happy.” I lived in a constant state of emotional hypervigilance, attuned to the narcissist’s moods and needs. Their unhappiness would cascade through the apartment building like a toxic cloud. I became responsible for managing their emotions, walking on eggshells to prevent triggering their displeasure.
So many people, including my employers, wanted me to stay quiet so these nasty tenants wouldn’t have something else to complain about in the content of their many sites. No one else wanted to become targets.
The flip side was equally destructive: “If you are happy, I’ll soon change that.” I quit my job there in July 2018, as I couldn’t handle the constant fear of being attacked by them or someone they sent after me. I had strangers coming to the property all the time to look at vacant rentals and I didn’t trust the situation.
I learned to hide my joy, to downplay good news, and to keep my successes private. I became a hermit. Any display not centred around them would be targeted for destruction through criticism, picking fights, or creating problems that demanded immediate attention. The content they had on stellareddy.com highlighted all of this. I spent 19 months reading their almost daily nasty missives to Human Rights, trying to claim I was racist against them, and everything I said was a lie.
Breaking Free from “We’ll Do It My Way”
Living with a narcissist meant existing in their reality, following their rules, and suppressing my own identity. “We’ll do it my way” wasn’t a suggestion – it was the law. Any deviation resulted in punishment designed to bring me back in line. My opinions and intentions were always discounted.
The pain of being wrongly accused became a regular occurrence in my life. False narratives about my intentions, actions, and character were constructed to maintain control and keep me defensive. The content of stellareddy.com, 859kennedyroad.com, davidstrashin.com, sjtomemberkevinlundy.com, sjtomembervandanapatel.com, lorriereddy.com, and socialjusticetribunalofontario.ca was nasty and all created to control me. Through this experience, I developed complex trauma that took some time to recognize and address.
Finding Healing and Hope
Today, as I work through my healing journey, I understand that what happened to me wasn’t my fault. Complex trauma, as I’ve learned, often occurs in situations where an individual is under the control of another person and escape seems impossible. The effects are far-reaching and deeply ingrained, impacting a person’s sense of self, ability to regulate emotions, and capacity to form healthy relationships.
I’ve found solace in sharing my experiences through my blog and connecting with others who understand this journey. There is profound healing in retraining your brain to focus on what is good. This isn’t about denying reality, but about self-preservation and growth.
My experiences with narcissism and cyberbullying have been difficult, but they’ve also given me perspective and strength. I now know that healing is possible, even if it means learning to manage rather than completely erasing the past. As one Reddit user wisely put it, you don’t heal in the traditional sense- you get to the point where the siren that once dominated your life becomes a distant sound you’re aware of but no longer controlled by.
As I continue my journey of healing in the beautiful landscape of Newfoundland and Labrador, I remain committed to sharing resources, reflections, and hope with others walking similar paths. We deserve peace, authenticity, and relationships built on mutual respect rather than rigid, self-serving rules.