Stella Reddy's Story

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I’ve picked up many tools over time—little insights and routines that help me stay grounded in my healing process. Recovery isn’t linear, and it certainly isn’t passive. It’s something I work at every single day, with intention.

I spend a lot of time reading. Articles, posters, blogs—anything that speaks to the emotional journey I’m on. Their words resonate deeply. They don’t sugarcoat the pain, but they also don’t let it define the path forward. That kind of honesty empowers me.

When I searched online for “Recovery from Adult Bullies,” I was stunned—over 7 million results. And that’s not even counting the ones that name narcissistic abuse directly. It’s heartbreaking to realize how widespread this is. So many people are out there, quietly trying to rebuild their mental health after being torn down by others who refused to take accountability.

I’ve learned to lean into the support I have. My counsellor often jokes that I know as much as she does about what I need—it’s the daily practice that’s the challenge. And she’s right. My anger used to consume me, but now it passes more quickly. That’s progress I am proud of—even the smallest shift matters.

I have had a lot of time to sit with my thoughts in recent years. I’ve revisited old emails and documents—things I couldn’t look at before without spiralling. Now, I can read them with clarity. My emotions don’t hijack me anymore. I return to calm faster. I have all the time in the world that I need in this quiet space, and I’m using it to move further ahead.

I’ve come to accept that the chaos created by the Tenant Bullies is theirs to own. They refused to acknowledge that their own actions led to their eviction. I didn’t force them to behave that way. I didn’t make them post defamatory content online. That’s all on them. I didn’t “make” them do anything; they always had a choice.

I’m retired now, and I’ve made my recovery my priority. I’ve stopped isolating myself. I reached out, and in doing so, I found more support than I ever imagined. I live with my feelings, and I’m learning to release them. The pain, the frustration, even the anger—they’re fading. I’ve come to understand that emotions are visitors, not permanent residents.

I’ve studied bullying deeply. I recognize the patterns now. I see the tactics. And I’ve developed strategies to cope, to stay focused on myself. I’m learning what makes me tick. I’m becoming more confident in my truth and less concerned with the opinions of people who have no place in my life. These bullies? They’re irrelevant now.

Being bullied doesn’t define me. They never knew me—not really. Their perceptions were poisoned by resentment and hate. That’s not mine to fix. I’m not responsible for their happiness, and I owe them nothing. I don’t answer to them.

They only had power over me because I let them. But that’s over. I’m reclaiming my psyche. I’m taking my power back.

Adult Bullying and Its Harmful Effects | Rio Retreat Center

Recovering From the Emotional Effects of Bullying

Being on the receiving end of bullying as an adult can have lingering effects on our mental and physical well-being. According to VerywellMind.com, here are some ways we can begin to recover from these experiences:

• Keep the responsibility for the bullying behavior where it belongs: on the bully, not you.
• Remember to care for your mental and physical health. Recovering from trauma requires time and attention and possibly professional help.
• Gather support. Instead of letting a bully isolate you, build a support network around yourself, outside or inside your work environment.
• Read about bullying to understand the phenomenon better and to learn coping strategies that fit your situation.
• Keep everything in perspective. Being bullied doesn’t define us, so as much as you’re able, don’t let it consume more space in your thoughts than it deserves.

Here are the four steps:

1. Figure out and acknowledge what you’re feeling.

Is it shame? Sadness? Despair? Anger?

2. Find a private place, and let yourself express that feeling.

Cry, punch sofa pillows, shake your fists, throw rocks into a pond—whatever helps.

Let your body do whatever it wants to do. You can also journal, but the feelings move out faster if they’re physically expressed, because emotions are stored in the musculature of the body when they can’t be expressed.

3. Tell yourself you can let go of that feeling.

You don’t have to keep holding it inside. Call up the witness part of you to comfort yourself as you express your emotions, and remind yourself that what you’re feeling is not who you are, it’s only a feeling that will pass.

If you feel like you can’t let go of the feeling, ask yourself, “Why?  What do I need to look at?  What is holding me back from letting go?” A past event or experience will often surface if you ask with a feeling of curiosity and let yourself be open to any answer that comes. You may need to go back to Step 2 if this is the case.

Repeating this step over the course of several days gives your subconscious mind time to bring the issue to the surface, and you may find that it’s easier to let go of it piece by piece instead of all in one fell swoop.

If you’ve experienced a deep betrayal of yourself at some time in your life, your processing time may be longer than someone who hasn’t had many traumatic experiences. Be sure to be compassionate with yourself as you go through the process.

4. Help yourself remember that life can be good.

After you’ve let go of some feelings, call a supportive friend to talk about something else, go to a movie, or join a group that’s going to a fun place. Anything you enjoy doing is fine.

When someone hurts us, it’s human nature to hold on to the hurt, because we think that somehow, if we can figure it out, it won’t be as painful. But you hurt yourself all over again when you hold on to a bad feeling—thinking about past experiences can drag you down and make you miserable over time.

It feels much better to let them go, just let their energy drift out of your body and mind. Once you do, you can see everything a little more clearly, and be a little more in touch with your authentic self.

Of course it’s always prudent to seek help if your emotions seem too overwhelming, or if you find that they prevent you from functioning in life.

But if you continue this process over a period of time, eventually the old feelings will become a memory, rather than a shadow that lives with you day in and day out, and you’ll be living more from your authentic self than from your past experiences.