Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease,
judge, or diminish someone’s feelings. When we
invalidate a person’s feelings, the implied
messages are – I know what you should feel more
than you know about yourself – You must be
weird for not feeling what I feel – I don’t approve
of what you feel – Don’t be yourself. Be what I
expect you to be.

Psychological invalidation is one of the most
lethal forms of emotional abuse. It kills
confidence, creativity and individuality. Each
person’s feelings are real. Whether we like or
understand someone’s feelings, they are still real.
Rejecting feelings is rejecting reality. It is like
telling water to not be wet. There are many forms
of invalidation. Most of them are so insidious that
we don’t even know what is happening.

 

It’s been years now, and the way I see all of this experience has completely changed.

Back then, these people made me feel like I didn’t even exist. Like my thoughts, my feelings, my side of things just didn’t matter. They were constantly trying to replace my reality with theirs, and honestly? It worked for a while. I lost myself in it.

I got really defensive. I couldn’t help it. Everywhere I turned during their legal proceedings, people were telling me to just be quiet, don’t say anything, don’t give them more ammunition. And I get why people said that. Nobody wanted to become their next target. But being silenced like that? It made everything worse for me emotionally. I couldn’t see clearly because I was so deep in it.

And yeah, I’m not proud of how I reacted sometimes. Their comments hit something deep in me, and I’d explode. Pulling myself out of that defensive place was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

Here’s the thing that used to get to me most — they’d lay out their comments in a way designed to make me feel guilty. Like searching for my own name online was somehow wrong. But come on. If you found out someone put your name on the internet without your permission, you’d look for it too. That’s just common sense. Once I found out about their site in December 2017, 859kennedyroad.com, of course, I kept looking. And over time, I kept finding more: stellareddy.com, davidstrashin.com, sjtomemberkevinlundy.com, sjtomembervandanadapatel.com, socialjusticetribunalontario.ca, and lorriereddy.com.

What really baffled me is that they’d complain about me while literally showing evidence of their own stalking. The pictures they shared of me and my family — where did they think those came from? Did they magically appear on his computer? No. He went through our social media. And somehow I was the problem?

I even found a fake LinkedIn account they made in my name back in September 2021. LinkedIn confirmed it was a violation and removed it. But these people call my statements “grossly exaggerated and an outright lie.” The evidence was right there. Anyone could see it.

Do you have any idea what it feels like to have your personal information shared maliciously across multiple websites, filled with nasty speculation about you, your family, your career, your character? All because tenants at your workplace couldn’t accept the consequences of their own actions?

The false allegations about racism nearly broke me. I’m not exaggerating. The psychological toll was enormous.

Look, I have no problem with anyone filing complaints through legitimate channels. Just don’t lie. Don’t waste everyone’s time. I wouldn’t be surprised if institutions start charging filing fees just to weed out bad-faith complaints like theirs. I wish they would…

They filed against me with the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario, launched multiple websites publicizing their allegations, and then — after 19 months of hell — just walked away. They abandoned their own applications in January 2020. They proved nothing. But they kept all those sites up, acting as if they’d won. That’s its own kind of cruelty.

Getting past the personal attacks on my character was brutal. But eventually I got there. Once I finally accepted what I was dealing with — adults engaging in a deliberate smear campaign out of spite — everything started to shift. I started reading about this stuff. I learned the patterns, the tactics, the traits I was seeing play out on their websites, and in the many documents I received. And weirdly, that knowledge permitted me to breathe a bit better. Because I realized if I could spot those patterns, so could anyone else visiting their sites.

I’ll be honest — I still struggle sometimes to accept that people can be this deliberately cruel. I genuinely don’t understand how they could write those things and still expect to be seen as the good guys.

I’ve had to learn to pause before reacting. I don’t always get it right, but I’m so much better than I used to be. Every single day, I remind myself: I’m okay. I’m getting through this. Eventually, none of this will matter to me anymore — websites and all.

One day at a time. One step at a time.

And here’s what I know now: I’m not the person they tried to make me out to be. Their version of events is their story, not mine. I’ve stopped trying to convince anyone of my truth and started just living it instead.

The stress has been real. But you know what? I’m moving past it. Every day I work through this in my head, I feel a little lighter. One day, this will all just be something that happened to me once. I’m already getting there.

---

Toxic Adult Bullies have taken my needs, thoughts, experiences, and emotions and tried to erase them with their own beliefs instead. They invalidate me at every turn.

I ended up feeling like I didn’t exist, which made me very defensive. During their legal proceedings, everywhere I turned, I was told to “be quiet” and not give these Tenants anything else to come after them for.

I was silenced by all as they were afraid to become the next Target on their sites.

Due to my strong emotions, I had a hard time seeing all the invalidation they were doing to me. Their comments were triggers to me and caused me to react explosively to what they were accusing me of. Getting out of the defensive mode was hard! I reacted badly at times. 

Below, is another example of how these Toxic Tenants tried to erase me as an individual with their suppositions. It is my name, so I have every right to search for it on any place on the internet.

They always lay out their comments in such a way as to try and cause me to feel guilty.

I don’t care who you are; when you know your name is put on the Internet by another person without your permission, you will become very diligent in looking for more of the same. Common sense!!

Once I learned about their site, 859kennedyroad.com, I kept looking for more and over time I usually found it.

I also don’t get their complaints, as they show evidence of the stalking they did of me and my family members. Where else did he get the pictures he shared on their sites? Did they magically appear on his computer for him to use or did he have to go into our social media?

This also shows more of their Hypocrisy! It was very frustrating at times.

My name, with their websites, over the years, has been shared on various sites, including FaceBook.

I even found an account once that they made in my name on LinkedIn last Sept 2021, using stellareddy.com and had it removed.

Yet, these Tenants claim my statement is “grossly exaggerated and an outright lie“! I have no idea why they would claim such a thing as the evidence is there for everyone to see! They can’t ignore these things no matter how hard they try!

Reference # 210707-004689 Status: Closed

View your case(s) on our Help Center You may reply to this case for up to 14 days

Response (07/09/2021 01:18 CST)

Dear Stella,

Thanks for informing us of this situation.

It is against the terms of LinkedIn’s User Agreement and Professional Community Policies to impersonate another person on the website. We’ll take the appropriate action based on the results of our investigation.

Thanks for your assistance in making LinkedIn a professional and trustworthy site.
Regards,

I have searched for my name almost every day through various web browsers. That is how hypervigilant I was over my name, and my family, being abused on the internet by these people. They did it once on 859kennedyroad.com and Facebook, I expected them to do it again. By this time, I didn’t trust them. They gave me no reason to trust them.

Do you have any idea how it feels to have your personal information shared in such a malicious manner on various websites, filled with nasty speculations about you, your family members, and your professional and personal life? All put there by Tenants in your workplace because you played a part in the eviction they caused to themselves by denying entry.

The questions and speculations being made about my character were very demoralizing and made me feel terrified for my mental and physical safety. False allegations of racism have been proven to cause immeasurable psychological problems for the Targets and I can attest that it did for me.

I have no problem with anyone filing with any judicial system if they feel they have a reason to do so, just don’t lie and waste people’s time for nothing!

I suspect that because of people like these Tenants, HRTO will start charging a fee as the LTB does!

They filed against me with Human Rights of Ontario and at the same time, made various websites where they share their allegations to the public. In the end, after creating a nightmare of 19 months, they decide to walk away from it all and ignore their applications. They didn’t prove anything, but proceeded in the contents of their many sites, as if they did! That is also invalidation!

Getting past all the personal comments these Bullies were making about my character was very difficult but I did manage. Once I accepted they were Adult Bullies intent on a smear campaign against me and others out of spite for their eviction, I started my education on what that meant. Learning about all the traits I was being exposed to by their many speculations, I started to relax. Education was the key for me to move forward!

I came to see that if I could see these traits on display in the content of their websites, so can everyone else.

For some reason, I still find it hard to accept that people could be as cruel as these Bullies have been. I just can’t understand how they could write these things and think they will be applauded for doing so!

I had to learn to pause before reacting and even though I don’t always get it right, I am better than I used to be. Every day, I remind myself that no matter what, I am okay. I am getting through this. I will get to the point where this situation is no longer important, sites online or not.

One day, one step, at a time.

Read their vicious comments below and see for yourself the Invalidation they did!

They claimed here that they moved out because of me, totally ignoring the fact that they just lost their Appeal at Divisional Court and HAD to move out. They totally ignore mentioning anything at all that makes them look guilty!

They prefer to lie instead, twisting it around that they were afraid of me, a person who has mobility issues, and it was a deliberate act. Every word they write is deliberately used in such a way as to try to make me feel, and look, guilty. It is deflection…

These Tenants enjoy putting words in my mouth and making it obvious they are doing so!

Yes, this situation has been very stressful for me, but ya know what? I am getting past it! Every day, the more I work out this situation in my mind, the better I feel! One day, all of this will be history for me!