I still remember the moment I first heard that powerful quote – “How you see me has nothing to do with me, it has everything to do with you.” At the time, it really spoke to where I was at in my journey of overcoming cyberbullying and rebuilding my self-esteem.
You see, for so many years I had allowed one toxic person’s words online to define how I felt about myself. Their cruel words and constant harassment had me believing the vicious lies they spread. But reflecting on that quote was a turning point for me.
I realized that how that individual chose to see me, the distorted views they projected, said far more about their own issues than it ever did about my true character. Their vicious behaviour showed they were clearly deeply troubled on the inside, lashing out to make themselves feel powerful. But it had zero to do with who I am as a person.
How could it? Upon reading the many judgements made about me online, I could tell they were making it up as they went along. The “prior meeting” at some restaurant that never happened that they based their “feelings” on, the comments of smelling alcohol from me when anyone who knows me at all knows I don’t drink, even their current lie of me being fired from my job after they moved out, all came from their own imagination, not facts.
It is a spin they do, trying to make everything about me and what I did, or didn’t do, all while avoiding writing about their own behaviours.
I have evidence to prove all these things as the lies they are, but I don’t feel the need to do that anymore. I prefer to let them spin their wheels trying to convince people they are mind readers and know me as well as they claim.
This was an important lesson for me to learn, even if it took many counselling sessions and journaling exercises to fully accept. You see, for too long I allowed another’s warped perception of reality to negatively impact my self-worth.
No more would I allow toxic people online to have power over how I felt about myself. Their actions were a reflection of their own disorders, insecurities, and unhappiness – not mine. This was liberating for me to accept. I was no longer a victim of another’s sickness. I was firmly in control of my own narrative and how I defined myself.
Of course, it took dedicated effort on my part every day to walk the talk. I had to consciously work on replacing the lies I had internalized with self-affirming truths through positive self-talk and gratitude journaling.
Nature proved the perfect place for this inner work. Many days found me wandering this City, taking in the lush scenery surrounding me, as I expressed aloud affirmations of my worth and talents. The calming effect of being outdoors and surrounded by beauty allowed space for healthier beliefs to take root where doubts once grew.
Music also assisted – songs with empowering lyrics became my anthem to face each day stronger. And sharing glimpses of my journey through my old site provided accountability to stay on track.
While it wasn’t always easy, today I can say with confidence how others choose to perceive me has no real bearing on who I am. I know my strengths and values. I know my intent has always come from a place of positivity, even when dealing with cruelty. My self-worth isn’t tied to superficial judgments or misconduct of toxic individuals online.
I am at peace accepting not everyone will see my light, and that’s okay. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. I focus on spreading light any way I can now – through adventures shared, inspiring messages, and acts of kindness shown.
This isn’t to say negativity online can’t still sting at times. Triggers do creep back in, especially on tougher days. But I’ve learned healthier ways to self-soothe during low moments, whether that’s through journaling, calling loved ones, or diving into hobbies that reinvigorate my spirit.
Where I once would dwell on the “what ifs” of perceptions beyond my control, I now redirect thoughts to positive mantras and gratitudes instead. While the past can’t be changed, the present is mine to actively shape each moment. That’s an empowering realization that continues strengthening me.
I hope that by continuing to share parts of my journey, others dealing with self-doubt born from toxic treatment may feel less alone. They too can overcome the deeply pervasive lie that how you’re seen by disturbed individuals dictates your self-worth. It does not.
You have so much light to offer this world regardless of misguided judgments. Focus on nurturing healthy relationships that encourage your light daily instead. Fill your life with positive messages, and experiences that lift your spirit.
In time, the darkness will lose its power as you replace it with joy within. You’ve got this – I believe in your ability to rise above toxicity just as I have on my ongoing path towards freedom and self-love.