Stella Reddy's Story

You Don’t Have to Hide Anymore

I don’t share my struggles for
attention. I share them so
someone else doesn’t feel alone
in theirs.

Every time we speak the truth-
raw, imperfect, unfiltered-it chips
away at shame and silence.
It makes space for healing. It gives
someone else permission to exhale.
And maybe, just maybe … they’ll feel
safe enough to speak too.

There’s power in honest stories.
There’s freedom in being seen.

You don’t have to hide anymore.

The words above show you how I started my healing from trauma. I speak up for myself as I found that once I did, the shame started going away. I was caught up in a nightmare not of my making, though there were times my strong emotional reactions didn’t help the situation.

It was a workplace situation that got out of hand, as my employers thought the way out was to remain silent and to pressure me into silence as well. All that did was add to the shame I felt for all the false allegations the toxic tenants were throwing my way. If my employers didn’t support me, what was my alternative? I quit my job. I quit my job while I was in a psychotic state after getting another nasty email from these tenants, as I don’t remember doing that. I haven’t worked since, which is good for me.

All I remember was being on the phone with one of the owners talking about the schedule for that day, and a new email popped in, which I started reading out to my employer over the phone. Halfway through the email, I dropped the phone and started screaming that I was done, I wanted out and was leaving. My hubby spent the next 2 days watching me so I wouldn’t hurt myself. He said I just started grabbing my things and putting them in bags, claiming I was leaving.

When I came to my senses two days later, I found myself sitting on my bed, crying my eyes out, while I tried to talk to someone on the Mental Health Helpline we have here in Canada. All my personal belongings were packed around me, as I learned I was trying to leave.

They directed me to a clinic where I could speak to a psychiatrist. I don’t remember what I said or did those 2 days, my husband still refuses to tell me, just says that his wife was not there. He didn’t sleep for those 2 days either. I did get into a Mental Health program there in Scarborough that helped me immensely. It was my start.

That was in July 2018, and I have since recovered from this trauma and the resurgence of my PTSD symptoms. I am back to maintaining them with all the many tools in my toolbox! The social fear is totally gone as I now come and go as I please and don’t hold back from engaging with others anymore. I attend social events, even Community Events, and I still explore this City and take in the awesome scenery.

I feel free to speak my truth of what I went through and found freedom to live my life my way. I have no reason to hide anymore. More importantly, I have learned to love myself enough to protect that peace.

For anyone experiencing any kind of abuse, please know that you are not alone and there is freedom in being seen. Share your stories and feel the shame you feel ease away. It worked for me!