Quote By Maria Consiglio “Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse”
Experiencing narcissistic abuse was one of the most traumatic events I have ever faced in my life. It’s hard to articulate just how drastically my world changed, and how overwhelming the grip of fear can be. Seeing my info personal information splashed across a domain created by previous Tenants who got mad over how I did my job, is very scary.
I remember the moments when my life felt stable and secure, surrounded by friends and family. But then, meeting that one person in the workplace in 2016 who turned my world upside down left me grappling with feelings I never thought I would encounter. I lost so much during that time, and it felt like I was left in an emotional wasteland, overwhelmed by fear of being attacked by others.
After enduring narcissistic abuse, I found myself wrestling with the recurring symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) I have had since 1991. My emotions were on a constant rollercoaster and hard to manage. I became hyper-aware of everything around me, always on high alert, which made it incredibly difficult to navigate my daily life. Good thing I could Retire from working! Simple tasks like going to the grocery store or meeting friends felt like monumental challenges. There was a voice inside me that constantly whispered, “What if something bad happens?”
I realized that I had developed a profound fear of letting people in. After losing so much, trusting others became almost impossible. I had been betrayed and manipulated, by tenants and employers alike, and the scars of that experience have haunted me. I often isolated myself, retreating into the safety of my home, convinced that keeping the world at arm’s length was my best defence. It was painful to admit, but I felt like I was living in a prison of my own design, unable to escape the chains of fear.
In the Spring of 2020, despite these feelings, I also recognized that I had a choice to make. I could either remain trapped in this cycle of fear, or I could take small, deliberate steps toward healing. It wasn’t easy; in fact, it was incredibly challenging. I often grappled with the idea that moving forward meant risking the possibility of being hurt again. However, I also realized that the alternative—staying stagnant in my pain—was not a life worth living.
I moved away from that area, as that was the only way to get my sense of safety back. Once I did that, I focused on my healing. I began to seek out resources that could help me understand my experience better. I read books on healing from trauma and attended support groups where I could connect with others who shared similar stories. I found solace in hearing their journeys and understanding that I was not alone in my struggle. Each story I heard reminded me of the resilience of the human spirit and the possibility of recovery. It became clear to me that while narcissists can take so much from us, they cannot take away our ability to heal.
As I ventured down this path of recovery, I made a conscious effort to challenge the negative thoughts that often plagued me. I began practicing mindfulness, learning to stay present in the moment instead of spiralling into what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. It was a gradual process, but I started to feel the weight of fear begin to lift. I reminded myself that while my past experiences were profoundly painful, they did not define my future. I learned to reframe my fears into opportunities for growth and self-discovery.
With each passing day since I moved back to Newfoundland & Labrador (NL), I took small steps to reclaim my life. I started reaching out to friends and family I had distanced myself from, cautiously allowing them back into my life. I ventured out into the world, even if it meant confronting uncomfortable situations. I took note of the little victories—like smiling at a stranger or engaging in a light conversation with a cashier. These moments felt monumental, and each one chipped away at the fortress of fear I had built around myself.
I also discovered the power of self-compassion. It became essential for me to acknowledge my feelings without judgment. I learned that it was okay to feel scared and vulnerable; those feelings did not make me weak. They were a testament to my strength and my resilience. I began to celebrate my progress, no matter how small, and I reminded myself that I could heal at my own pace. There were many setbacks, but there were also many breakthroughs.
Through this journey, I have come to understand that while narcissistic abuse can steal away our innocence and sense of security, it does not have to dictate our lives forever. I am learning to embrace the idea that it is possible to live fully again, to trust, and to find joy in everyday moments. Each day is a step toward regaining that basic feeling of “everything is going to be alright.” I feel better every day!
In conclusion, though the path to healing from narcissistic abuse is fraught with challenges, it is also filled with hope. I am continually reminding myself that fear is a part of my story, but it does not have to be the whole narrative. I am reclaiming my life, one step at a time, and I believe that a brighter future lies ahead for me—and for anyone who has experienced similar trauma. Together, we can rise above the shadows of our past and move toward a life filled with possibility and connection.