This simple contrast captures something profound about how we approach uncertainty and challenges in life, and nowhere is this more evident than in the journey of healing from trauma and abuse.
Fear asks “What if?” – and then fills in the blanks with everything that could go wrong. What if I fail? What if they reject me? What if I’m not good enough? Fear lives in the realm of potential catastrophe, paralyzing us with scenarios that may never come to pass.
Faith asks “Even if” – and then chooses to move forward anyway. Even if it’s difficult, even if the outcome is uncertain, even if I stumble along the way. Faith doesn’t deny that challenges exist; it acknowledges them and proceeds with courage.
When Trauma Tests Our Faith
I hope my story offers a powerful example of this transformation. After experiencing workplace narcissistic abuse and cyberbullying that resulted in complex PTSD, I faced a choice that many trauma survivors know well: remain trapped in fear’s “what if” prison, or step toward faith’s “even if” possibilities.
Dealing with a narcissist meant existing in their reality, following their rules, and suppressing my own identity. The narcissist’s rulebook – “Do as I say, not as I do,” “I’m never wrong,” “It’s my way or the highway” – created an environment where fear dominated. What if I speak up? What if I challenge them? What if I trust my own perceptions?
The consequences were real: At the height of their smear campaign, since November 2017, they had 7 websites where they called me names, doxxed my info, lied about my actions, and tried to open me up to ridicule and judgments from others. Fear seemed justified when the “what ifs” actually materialized into harassment and public humiliation.
The Turning Point: From “What If” to “Even If”
But trauma doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Today, writing from my peaceful retirement in Newfoundland and Labrador, my story embodies the shift from fear to faith: “There is profound healing in retraining your brain to focus on what is good. This isn’t about denying reality, but about self-preservation and growth.”
I hope my journey illustrates what “even if” looks like in practice:
- Even if my physical mobility is limited due to health problems, I find ways to connect with nature through others’ photography
- Even if I can’t get out every day, I maintain my mental clarity through daily mindfulness practices
- Even if the trauma left lasting effects, I choose to share my story to help others heal
- Even if healing isn’t linear, I continue moving forward: “While it isn’t possible to be strong every day, I pick myself back up and continue forward when I can.”
The Geography of Healing
I think there’s something profound about my choice to embrace my new life in Newfoundland and Labrador. The province’s stunning natural beauty – from Bowring Park, the Harbourfront, to the coastal vistas captured by Newfound Drone Productions and others – provides a stark contrast to the toxic environments I escaped. “Newfoundland & Labrador has some of the most amazing scenery! I do LOVE where I live!”
This geographical shift mirrors the internal journey from fear to faith. Sometimes “even if” means literally changing your environment, surrounding yourself with beauty instead of toxicity, choosing peace over chaos.
Mental Health as an Act of Faith
I hope my advocacy for mental health awareness exemplifies faith over fear. During Mental Health Month in Canada, I openly discuss my PTSD: “Having a mental health issue, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), doesn’t make me weak. Surviving any problems with mental health takes a lot of determination and courage.”
This is faith in action – believing that vulnerability can become strength, that sharing our struggles can help others, that healing is possible even when the path isn’t clear.
The Wisdom of “Even If”
The difference between fear and faith isn’t in the circumstances we face – it’s in how we frame them. Both deal with uncertainty, but fear assumes the worst while faith leaves room for possibility, growth, and resilience.
I hope my insight captures this beautifully: “You don’t heal in the traditional sense- you get to the point where the siren that once dominated your life becomes a distant sound you’re aware of but no longer controlled by.”
This is what “even if” healing looks like – not the absence of difficulty, but the presence of choice in how we respond to it.
Practical Steps from “What If” to “Even If”
Drawing from my journey and wisdom, here are ways to make this shift:
Replace fear-based questions with faith-based commitments:
- Instead of “What if I’m not strong enough?” try “Even if this is difficult, I can take one step forward.”
- Instead of “What if people judge me?” try “Even if some people don’t understand, my story might help someone who needs it.”
- Instead of “What if I never fully heal?” try “Even if healing isn’t perfect, I can still build a meaningful life.”
Create supportive environments:
- Surround yourself with beauty, whether that’s nature photography, meaningful relationships, or simply a peaceful corner of your home
- Use available resources – from 811 HealthLine to Bridge the Gapp programs, help is available
- Build daily practices that anchor you in hope, like my morning mindfulness routine
Share your story:
I’ve found solace in sharing my experiences through my blog and connecting with others who understand this journey.
You never know, your “even if” might become someone else’s lifeline.
Living with Faith
Fear keeps us stuck in the safety of the known. Faith propels us toward the growth that lives just beyond our comfort zone. It’s not about eliminating uncertainty – it’s about changing your relationship with it.
I hope my story reminds you that transformation is possible, that trauma doesn’t have to define you, and that sometimes the most beautiful chapters of your lives begin with the simple decision to say “even if” instead of “what if.”
I hope you keep the faith! I have said many times I am determined to LIVE, not just have a life.
Which voice are you listening to today?