Stella Reddy's Story

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Cognitive Dissonance is Such an Icky Feeling!

Cognitive dissonance is the psychological discomfort we experience when our beliefs and actions are in conflict. It’s that inner tension when reality doesn’t match our values: like believing in fairness while being mistreated, or valuing peace while being dragged into conflict.

For me, cognitive dissonance became a daily reality during the smear campaign launched against me through seven websites. On one hand, I knew my truth: I was a building superintendent with my spouse in Scarborough, Ontario, living with integrity. On the other hand, I was confronted with toxic tenants publishing lies online, twisting my reactions into “proof” of instability. It was wild!

The clash between my lived reality and their fabricated narrative created a storm of dissonance inside me.

How It Showed Up in My Life

• Defending myself vs. staying silent: I believed in standing up for the truth, I still do, yet every defence was weaponized against me. Silence felt like surrender, but speaking up felt like feeding their fire. Every document I wrote for the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario (HRTO) applications against me, starting in June 2018, showed on their websites twisted beyond recognition. I did it anyway.
• Resilience vs. vulnerability: I saw myself as strong, yet their constant gaslighting left me breaking down emotionally. My tears weren’t weakness—they were proof of my humanity under pressure. I was stressed mentally beyond what I could handle, and I ended up in psychosis. It took me some time to get past that.
• Community vs. isolation: I valued connection, but the lies online tried to triangulate me with their readers. That contradiction was painful, but it also pushed me to reclaim my identity. I felt isolated, but in the end, this experience showed me who I could trust. I found a new community now where I thrive!

Healing the Dissonance

Psychologists say we resolve cognitive dissonance by changing beliefs, reframing experiences, or aligning actions with values.

For me, healing began when I moved back home to Newfoundland in the Fall of 2020. Getting away from all that fear that I had of being attacked by one of the 14 million people there who were agitated over all the racism in the news was paramount to me. It took a while, but surrounded by the land and community I love, I could finally breathe again and learn to just be myself. The lies online didn’t vanish, not till this past July 2025, but I no longer let them define me. I reframed my story: instead of being “the victim of a smear campaign,” I became a survivor reclaiming her voice.

Why This Matters

Cognitive dissonance isn’t just a theory—it’s the lived experience of anyone who has been bullied, gaslit, or defamed. Recognizing it helps us understand why we feel torn inside, and why our reactions—whether anger, tears, or long explanations—are not signs of weakness but signs of our humanity under pressure. By naming the dissonance, we take back power from those who try to distort our reality. That is so important!

In the end, cognitive dissonance taught me that discomfort can be a compass. It points to where our truth is being challenged, and where we need to stand firm. My journey through lies and gaslighting showed me that healing isn’t about erasing the conflict—it’s about choosing which truth to live by. And I choose mine.