Stella Reddy's Story of Hope

Be the Bigger Person? Why?

I’ve heard the phrase “be the bigger person” countless times. It’s a mantra that often gets thrown around in discussions about conflict resolution, personal disputes, and workplace dynamics. But honestly? I find that advice to be complete and utter bullshit.

My “bigness” is not defined by my ability to quietly absorb bullying, degradation, or abuse. It’s time to unpack that.

When I think about the concept of being the bigger person, I can’t help but feel a sense of frustration. What does it even mean? Am I supposed to swallow my pride, turn the other cheek, and pretend everything is okay when someone has harmed me?

It feels like a call to passively endure mistreatment and injustice, all in the name of maintaining some misguided sense of moral superiority. But I’ve come to realize that this advice is rooted in the flawed notion that strength is synonymous with silence and suffering.

I refuse to accept that my worth is measured by how much I can take from others without fighting back. I have a voice, and it deserves to be heard. I have boundaries, and they deserve to be respected.

I refuse to hide behind the façade of being the “bigger person” when it really means being smaller—smaller in my ability to assert myself, smaller in my willingness to stand up for what is right, and smaller in my pursuit of respect and dignity.

Every time I’ve been told to be the bigger person in recent years, I’ve felt such a wave of resentment. I’ve been in situations where I’ve been belittled, insulted, or outright bullied, and the expectation to just shrug it off and rise above it feels akin to asking me to erase my emotions.

I’ve learned that my feelings matter, and I deserve to express them rather than suppress them for the sake of others’ comfort. Keeping quiet about injustices does not make me noble; it makes me complicit.

I’ve spent too long trying to appease others at the expense of my own well-being. I’ve gone home after a long day, replaying conversations in my head, wishing I had stood up for myself instead of taking the high road that led me straight into a pit of resentment.

Being the bigger person, as it’s often suggested, has left me feeling smaller and more isolated. I’ve realized that my silence does not cultivate peace; it breeds internal conflict and bitterness.

Instead of absorbing negativity, I’ve chosen to reclaim my power. I’ve started to set boundaries and communicate my feelings openly. I’ve learned that standing up for myself does not mean I’m being petty or vindictive. It means I am advocating for my own mental health and emotional safety.

I’ve found strength in my vulnerability, and I’ve realized that it’s okay to assert my needs and walk away from toxic situations, like the last workplace I had in Ontario and the toxic tenants I had there.

I also recognize that being the bigger person often places an unfair burden on those who are already suffering. It sends the message that the victim should bear the weight of the situation, while the perpetrator gets a free pass.

I refuse to perpetuate this cycle. I’ve decided that my peace of mind is far more valuable than adhering to some outdated idea of what it means to be “bigger.” I’ve learned that it’s okay to call out bad behaviour, to confront it head-on, to share my story of how I was treated.

I’ve come to understand that being assertive does not equate to being aggressive. I can express my feelings, stand my ground, and still maintain my integrity. I’ve learned to communicate clearly and calmly, making it known that I will no longer tolerate disrespect. Educating myself on various traits has helped!

This shift has been liberating. It’s allowed me to build healthier relationships—ones that are based on mutual respect rather than fear or avoidance.

Ultimately, I’ve decided that my journey toward personal growth does not have to come at the expense of my self-worth. I’ve committed to standing up for myself and advocating for what I need. I’ve learned to embrace my own bigness by loving myself enough not to accept less than I deserve.

No longer will I remain silent in the face of injustice. Instead, I will use my voice to speak out, not just for myself but for others who may feel trapped in a cycle of degradation.

In a world that often pressures us to conform to outdated ideals, I’ve chosen to redefine what it means to be the bigger person.

For me, it’s about strength, resilience, and the courage to stand up for myself. I refuse to let anyone dictate my worth or my capacity for kindness. Being the bigger person is not about enduring; it’s about thriving, asserting my needs, and demanding respect. And that’s the only kind of bigness I aspire to.

What do you think? Do you agree that targets of cyberbullying should “be the bigger person” and ignore it?