Stella Reddy's Story

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Narcissists thrive on control and distortion, especially in the workplace. They twist reality, undermine your sense of self, and leave you questioning both your experiences and your worth. Recognizing these tactics is the first step in breaking free from them.

It took me some time to learn all of these, and I hope my breakdown below will help you.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is their favourite weapon: “That didn’t happen. You imagined it. Are you crazy?” These words chip away at your confidence until you wonder if your memory is broken. Survivors often sit in the tension of two thoughts: Can I trust myself—or are they right? Writing things down, holding to your truth, and leaning on a supportive circle can pierce the fog they create.

Projection

Everything they refuse to own, they dump on you. Their lies become “your lies,” and their neediness is blamed on your so-called clinginess. It’s always your fault—because accountability terrifies them. Don’t adopt their baggage. Their projections are not your truth.

Word Salad and Nonsense

Talk to a narcissist for ten minutes, and you’ll forget what the conversation was even about. In disagreements, they circle, deflect, twist, and attack your identity until exhaustion silences you. They aren’t debating you; they’re feeding themselves. Walk away. Save your energy for healing, not endless loops.

Blanket Statements

To save face, narcissists lean on generalizations: “You’re never satisfied. You’re too sensitive.” These statements aren’t true; they’re shortcuts meant to dismiss your reality. Hold your ground. Their laziness is not your burden.

Twisting Your Words

Express hurt, and they’ll accuse you of calling them a “bad person.” Share disappointment, and they’ll slap labels on your emotions. This tactic invalidates your right to feel. It’s not about your words—it’s about keeping you small.

Nitpicking

Nothing is enough. They will move the goalposts every time you prove your point or meet their request. By obsessing over tiny flaws, they pull you away from your strength into a pit of endless deficiency. Remember: you are enough.

Changing the Subject

Accountability is their kryptonite. Bring up an issue, and suddenly you’re being grilled about mistakes from years ago. Stay focused on the truth or walk away. You don’t need to wrestle with distraction.

Threats and Ultimatums

Control comes wrapped in “do this or else.” Whether overt or subtle, threats are red flags, a clear sign they have no intention of compromise. Document, protect yourself, and treat these threats seriously.

Name-Calling

When reason fails, insults begin. “Crazy. Stupid. Racist. Worthless.” These words expose their fragility, not your flaws. Don’t tolerate it. End the interaction and protect your peace.

Conditioning

Over time, they taint your joy. Celebrations turn sour, your achievements are mocked, and freedom becomes fear. Their goal is to keep you walking on eggshells. Reject their narrative and hold onto the parts of you they tried to destroy.

Smear Campaigns

When they can’t control your identity, they rewrite it for others. Lies, gossip, harassment—suddenly you are painted as the aggressor. Survive by staying grounded in truth: your integrity will outlast their stories. Document everything.

Devaluation

Everything about you becomes a flaw. Don’t believe the performance. Watch the pattern of behaviours.

Preemptive Defense

The louder they insist, “trust me—I’m a good person,” the more caution you should take. Real kindness is lived, not performed. Watch actions, not words.

Triangulation

They drag in outsiders—family, friends, exes—turning them into weapons of validation. This keeps you insecure and isolated. In truth, everyone is being played. Find validation outside their influence, such as in yourself.

Bait and Faux Innocence

They push your buttons, then say, “I didn’t mean it. You’re too emotional.” It’s a sinister game of provoke and retreat. Listen to your gut. If it feels off, honour that feeling.

Boundary Testing and Hoovering

Narcissists will always test limits. If you return, they punish harder. Hoovering—false apologies and promises—is only bait to regain control. Hold the line. Boundaries mean nothing to them unless you enforce consequences.

Cruel Jokes

Hidden behind sarcasm, their “jokes” cut deep. When you react, you’re told you lack humour. This tactic gaslights your pain and masks cruelty as comedy. Set the boundary: this is not funny.

Patronizing and Sarcasm

They deliver every word with a tone that belittles you. Over time, you silence yourself to avoid the sting. Your voice matters—don’t hand it over to their superiority complex.

Shaming

Abusers weaponize shame like a scalpel. They will even use your past traumas against you, mocking your survival as weakness. Protect your vulnerabilities. They are sacred to you—not weapons for them.

Control

At the core of it all is control. Isolation, financial dependency, and emotional manipulation are every tactic that ensures their needs eclipse yours. But control unravels the moment you step back into your truth.

The greatest rebellion is reclaiming your own life.