Stella Reddy's Story

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Before being bullied by toxic tenants with narcissistic traits since 2016, I had no problem with people. Sure, I had regular anxiety about meeting strangers, but it was part of my job, and I managed very well. I was part of a Building Superintendent couple who had dealings with total strangers every day, from tenants to contractors, and even people coming off the street to see a vacant apartment.

As part of my duties, I occasionally held Open Houses, organized Community Events with Tenants, and participated in off-site training to upgrade my skills. I also had issues with other tenants over the years, with yelling, shoving, and was even shot at once and had my car stolen. There were even a few “jumpers” that I had to identify. I managed to deal with all that with no issues.

It wasn’t until I began unpacking my experiences with the gaslighting with these specific tenants from my last workplace that things started to make sense.

What I live with now isn’t random anxiety—it’s a learned response. These are the signs that helped me recognize my social anxiety didn’t come from nowhere. It came from having my reality questioned for too long.

1. I Constantly Doubted My Own Perception

One of the clearest signs for me is how often I second-guessed myself in social situations. I replayed conversations, tone, and facial expressions—sometimes for days.

Gaslighting trained me to believe my interpretation of events couldn’t be trusted. So even neutral interactions could leave me wondering if I misunderstood something obvious.

2. I Apologized Even When I’ve Done Nothing Wrong

I caught myself saying “sorry” for:

• sharing an opinion

• asking a question

• taking time to respond

This habit didn’t come from politeness. It came from learning that my presence was once treated like a problem that needed correcting. My husband helped me get past this one more than anyone, as he reminded me every day that I don’t need to apologize.

3. I Felt the Need to Explain Myself Excessively

When I spoke, I often felt compelled to add context, disclaimers, or justifications—before anyone even asked.

Gaslighting taught me that my words could be twisted, so I learned to over-explain in an attempt to stay safe. Social anxiety kept that pattern alive, even when the danger was gone. Again, my hubby was the one to help me the most to stop this habit!

4. Silence Felt Like Rejection

If someone paused, didn’t reply right away, or responded briefly, my mind filled in the blanks—and they were rarely kind.

This comes straight from gaslighting, where silence, withholding, or vague responses were used to destabilize me. My nervous system learned to interpret quiet as a threat.

5. I Monitored Myself Instead of Being Present

In social settings, I often felt split in two:

• One part of me was engaging

• Another part watched myself closely

I tracked how I sounded, how I looked, how I might be perceived. That hyper-awareness was a survival skill I learned when being misunderstood had consequences.

6. I Feared Being “Misread.”

One of my biggest anxieties wasn’t being disliked—it was being misinterpreted.

Gaslighting made me painfully aware of how easily intent could be distorted. Social anxiety showed up as a constant effort to prevent others from assigning meaning to me that didn’t fit.

7. I Felt Safer Alone—But Lonelier There

Isolation once protected me. If I weren’t visible, I couldn’t be targeted.

Even now, solitude can feel safer than connection. But I’ve learned that safety and loneliness often come bundled together when anxiety grows out of gaslighting.

8. I Assumed I Was the Problem First

When something felt off in an interaction, my instinct was to look inward and blame myself—even before considering any other explanation.

Gaslighting trained me to internalize conflict. Social anxiety kept that reflex alive.

What I Know Now

Recognizing these signs didn’t magically remove my anxiety—but it did remove the toxic shame.

I was not socially anxious because I was weak or broken. I was socially anxious because I adapted to an environment where my reality wasn’t respected.

Thankfully, adaptations can be unlearned. Slowly. Carefully.

A Grounding Reminder I Come Back To

Not every uncomfortable feeling means danger.
Not every pause is judgment.
Not every misunderstanding is my fault.

My perception matters.
My voice matters.
And I no longer need permission to trust myself.