Stella Reddy's Story of Hope

I started my day by listening to Neil Diamond and enjoying his unique voice. If you like this kind of music, it has a calm and soft sound. You can listen to it here: https://youtu.be/tA5bFJt9Wp0?si=4rWVPZhOBrlCLflw. It’s relaxing and fits my mood!

Yesterday, I tried to join a public hearing held by an Ontario Tribunal on Zoom. These meetings are open to everyone. I found out it was online last week on Canlii.org and followed the steps to get in. Yes, it was the hearing that my past bullies had against their new targets, and I was interested in the result for various reasons I detail below.

Even though I wasn’t there to speak, the hostility was palpable once my name was announced as a public observer. His aggression against me was immediate. It made me wonder: what was he so afraid of? My presence alone seemed to trigger his instant defensiveness, underscoring how some people use aggression to mask their insecurities. I must admit I am glad everyone there got to see and hear his reaction.

This isn’t just about one hearing; it’s a common scenario in workplaces, online forums, or social gatherings where unchecked negativity can derail everyone. All it takes is one aggressive person who gets loud, verbally abusive, and obnoxious in attempts to get their way, and that was what occurred there yesterday. 

I was asked to leave to appease the bully. It didn’t go as I thought, as I was called out by name, and that was all he needed to set him off.

I went to the hearing for a few reasons, mainly for exposure therapy. I thought I would be anonymous, as a public observer with mic and camera off. My goal was to stay calm when faced with the kind of aggressive behaviour I knew this man could spew. In that way, it was a good experience, and I don’t regret it. I didn’t get mad, I actually thought his behaviour was hilarious.

I get that the hearing needed to continue, but kicking me out because the other person acted like a child didn’t seem fair. This wouldn’t have happened if it were an in-person hearing.

This makes me wonder about how easy it is to join public hearings. Should people skip meetings about things they care about, like workplace issues, just because someone doesn’t want them there? I’ve been to many online hearings without any problems, but this was the first time I attended one with the bullies who targeted me in the workplace. It was a learning experience, as all my experiences are these days…

I think it’s important to challenge yourself and see what you can handle. For people healing from narcissistic abuse in the workplace, exposure therapy is a key part of getting better. It means slowly facing situations that bring back memories or feelings from those tough times, which helps make them less powerful. Social anxiety is terrible, and any way I can get over it, I will do!

By dealing with these triggers step by step safely, I can feel less anxious, gain back confidence, and break the fear I learned during the abuse. In the end, this helps me take back control and become stronger, making it easier to be around others and avoid long-term emotional harm. It is a daily practice for me in all social situations!

When I first got into exposure therapy, my first big step was going to my local Police station in July 2021. I spent hours there filling out a formal complaint and speaking to the Officers. Taking the time to do the Timeline for them also helped me face my fears over the situation. I showed myself that my social fears were unrealistic but I still have them.  https://stellareddy.xyz/timeline-of-interactions-with-toxic-bullies-2016-2022/

Attending that hearing yesterday, even though I was asked to leave before it even started, showed me many things. When a bully reacts aggressively in a formal setting like a hearing, especially to the mention of my personal name, it’s often because they feel threatened or exposed. Their behaviour is a reflection of their own issues, not mine. I barely said a word…

One major benefit is clarity. Seeing their aggressive reaction confirms that I am dealing with a toxic individual. This isn’t just in my head—it’s out in the open now. That clarity empowers me to stop second-guessing myself. Think of it as a reality check that validates my experience and strengthens my resolve.

Another advantage when others witness the bully’s behaviour, they may recognize the toxicity. I know I am not alone in this, and seeing the bully’s true colours unites people together.

I’ve been writing about toxic traits I experienced in the workplace to educate others, especially with the same adult bullies I had, to empower them, and hopefully help them not make the same mistakes I did. Unfortunately, I am not the only target of this person, especially online. Education on toxic traits they expose you to is the only way out of the situation.

The truth is, I never imagined how vulnerable my identity could be, how a stranger from a workplace could twist my name into a weapon, building an entire website around their false narrative. It’s a violation that lingers, especially after almost 9 years. That is way too long!

The insecurity hasn’t faded completely, yet, but I know it will with the more I do to protect myself. I live with the constant dread that these toxic individuals will strike again, hijacking my name to publicly shame and humiliate me. I don’t trust them. Their obsession is relentless, and the fear they’ve planted is real. Which is why I still search for my name from time to time and watch their legal applications for mentions of my name.

But I refuse to let their cruelty define me. I document, I speak, and I stand—because silence only feeds their power.

Stay calm, stay curious, and keep moving forward, that’s my plan!