What a week I am having… I will make it through though, I have no doubt. I’ve been recovering from the cold I picked up on my trip. Yes, it was just a cold, I went to the Doctor last week to confirm. I am feeling much better the past couple of days! First time I’ve had a cold in 5 years!
We also seem to have picked up a few fleas this week. How they got into the house I have no idea, could be where Hope loved to sit by the door? Or we could have brought them in on our clothes. Either way, I spent all of yesterday cleaning every corner of our place. Hope is treated, and I haven’t seen any this morning.
I caught three yesterday here in my office, using pieces of tape. I don’t think it is that bad, we caught it early enough. I had Hope on my desk and I was going through her fur, looking for any but all I saw was a dead one that I think she got. Once she was treated Sunday, I assume they all jumped off her, which is why I managed to catch them on me yesterday.
A neighbouring house was badly infested with fleas this past summer. I kept seeing Pest Control coming and going and the 3rd time I started talking to him, asking questions, which is how I found out they had fleas.
I learned from Pest Control that it was so bad that you could see them jumping as you walked across the floor. I’ve had them that bad once, many years ago when I moved into an apartment that was already infested. I stayed 3 weeks and heard the owner had to tear out walls to clear them out.
Question: Has anyone had fleas? If so, how did you get rid of them?
Fleas are common here in NL. I treat them like mosquitoes… A pest but not that bad. What do you expect with all the greenery? They are usually hibernating this time of year though, but I guess with all the warmer weather we’ve been having, it extended their awake time… They are terrible pests, but easy enough to get rid of, just takes patience and time. I can tolerate them. I am just glad they are not spiders! I can’t stand spiders…
I’ve also been managing a personal issue, from a situation many years ago that has shown me how subjective memories can be. I believed something for many years only to learn last week was not true.
To be honest, I feel like I am in shock from this revelation. I had so much going on during that time, I am not surprised I don’t remember. I also understand why I might have blocked it out, because of the grief I was feeling at the time from all I was going through.
The mind is an amazing thing and I have learned that you can’t always trust your memories of a situation, especially if trauma is there. The trauma of the house fire I experienced, and losing all my documents, especially my diary I kept since I was 14, didn’t help. I lost my memories in that fire which would have helped to keep my memories more straight and not get mixed up as they have. This is the reason I keep a diary, so my memories don’t get mixed up!
Since I learned of this truth last week, I reached out looking for copies, as honestly I truly don’t remember. I want to see it with my own eyes but know it will take time. Maybe, one day I will share what I am going through. In the meantime, I am trying to be patient and figure out a way forward. I have no doubt I will figure it out. How can I not?
One big difference I am finding with this situation, I am not panicking. There is no need to panic, as I know it will work out. I am a human being who was going through some serious trauma back then, so yeah I can forgive myself for my screwed-up memories and believing what was not true for so long.
I have learned in therapy that trauma can profoundly impact our memories and perceptions in several ways:
- Memory fragmentation or distortion: Traumatic experiences may not be fully encoded or stored in memory due to the body’s stress response. This can lead to gaps, inconsistencies or distortions in recalling traumatic events over time.
- Repressed or forgotten memories: The mind has natural defences against remembering painful experiences. Trauma victims may block out or forget traumatic memories entirely as a coping mechanism. These memories may resurface later.
- Altered perceptions: Trauma can affect how we interpret people and events related to the trauma. There is a tendency to view the world as more threatening. Perceptions of causality or blame for the trauma may be influenced.
- Confabulation: When memory gaps exist, the mind tries to make sense of things and may fill in details that are factually incorrect. This confabulation of details is the mind’s way of trying to gain control and coherence.
- Strong emotional imprint: Traumatic memories tend to be encoded more strongly in the amygdala-related emotional parts of the brain rather than the prefrontal cortex involved in reasoning. This can make traumatic memories feel very intense and vivid but not necessarily accurate.
- Suggestibility: People who have experienced trauma may be more suggestible and prone to accepting false information about a trauma if suggested by others. This may integrate into and change existing memories.
The mind understandably tries to protect itself from trauma in these ways, but it can also lead to not having a clear, factual recollection of past events. Memories after trauma should not always be considered completely reliable, which is why I always kept a Diary.
Keeping a journal of my day’s activities and events ensured that my memories wouldn’t get skewed in this way. Even though it has been almost 34 years, I still feel grief over all I lost in that house fire I had in 1991. I don’t know if I will ever get those memories back, but I am trying.