Doxxing, the act of publicly revealing someone’s private information without their consent, can feel like a devastating violation of privacy. When I first experienced it in 2017, the sense of vulnerability and fear was overwhelming. For the past 8 years, I have been a target of a smear campaign on the internet.
My personal information was suddenly out there, and I felt exposed. I even had instances of Fraud! However, through my journey of navigating this distressing experience, I learned several strategies that helped me maintain my equilibrium. Here, I will share those insights to help others who may find themselves in a similar situation.
My first step? Getting my sense of safety back. It was only after we moved from Scarborough, Ontario (ON) to St. John’s, Newfoundland and Labrador (NL) in the Fall of 2020 that I could rebuild my sense of feeling safe. Being accused of racism and discrimination, especially when it is a lie, is very scary! Watching others in the news at the time of being attacked didn’t make the fear easier. I understand that not everyone can do that, but for me it was essential.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
When I was doxxed, I felt a whirlwind of emotions—anger, fear, and confusion. I came to realize allowing myself to feel these emotions without judgment was vital. Suppressing my feelings only led to greater anxiety and stress.
I found it helpful to talk to trusted friends or family members, at least the ones who would listen and validate my feelings. Sometimes, just saying out loud, “I feel scared and violated,” was a release that helped me regain some control.
Seek Support
I quickly realized that I didn’t have to go through this alone. I went for professional help in July 2019 after I experienced a disconnect, which I later was told was a psychotic episode. I experienced a couple of those in the early days, which led to hospitalization for a day or two…
Speaking with a therapist who understood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), (which I already had since 1993) and the emotional impact of online harassment provided me with coping strategies tailored to my situation. I was informed my PTSD symptoms had gotten worse, mostly from the fear and anxiety I had of being attacked. My anxiety was extreme, as you can imagine…
Document Everything
One of the most practical steps I took was to document everything related to the doxxing and smear campaign online and off. I have a very detailed record of the information that was shared, the platforms where it appeared, and any communication I received over the past 8 years.
There are so many resources online that will help you do that,
- especially Httrack. It is FREE. This software will allow you to copy any website to your computer.
- For WHOIS I use Whoxy which is also FREE. This resource also has a WHOIS History, which is very helpful.
- ICANN is also there. ICANN Lookup. As the site states “registration data lookup tool gives you the ability to look up the current registration data for domain names and Internet number resources”.
- I have an account also with Securitytrails, which I find very useful for Domain information.
This documentation not only helped me stay organized but also served as a crucial resource if I decided to pursue legal action, which I have considered many times, or report the situation to the authorities, which I did in July 2021 here in NL. Knowing that I had a clear account of the events made me feel more in control.
Engage Law Enforcement
In my case, I felt it was essential to report the doxxing to local law enforcement in July 2021 after finding the domain of lorriereddy.com, which only had my new FaceBook account. I was emotionally strong enough to do it by this point. Even when stellareddy.com returned in March 2024 I contacted them once again. While I wasn’t sure what would come of it, I wanted to ensure that there was an official record of the harassment.
Speaking with the police helped me understand my rights and the potential legal remedies available to me. Even if I didn’t see immediate results, having law enforcement involved added another layer of security and support, which contributed to my sense of equilibrium. I feel safer…While no charges were laid against them, I raised awareness with the Police, here and in ON where they live.
Control What You Can
During this tumultuous time, I learned the importance of focusing on what I could control. While I couldn’t change the fact that my information was out there, I could control my response to it.
I created a safety plan that included measures of changing my passwords, enabling two-factor authentication on my accounts, and ensuring my personal information was as secure as possible. I worked with the Canada Revenue Agency to secure my information and signed up for fraud monitoring too. Taking these proactive steps helped me regain a sense of power over my situation.
Practice Mindfulness
To maintain my mental equilibrium, I turned to mindfulness practices after I moved to NL. I started incorporating meditation and deep breathing exercises into my daily routine. These practices helped ground me and allowed me to step back from the anxiety that the doxxing incident triggered.
I also began journaling about my thoughts and feelings, which served as a therapeutic outlet. Writing down my experiences helped me process my emotions and gain clarity about my feelings. I created this domain, also in my name where I share my story and how I am surviving it.
My purpose was to over-write the domain they created in my personal name. If anyone is interested enough to look up my name, not only will they find that site, but they will also find mine. To my way of thinking, who is everyone going to believe? A story written by an anonymous person about Stella Reddy or a true story written by the actual person?
Avoid Engaging with Trolls
One of the hardest lessons I learned was to avoid engaging with the trolls who sought to provoke me. Initially, I made the mistake of defending myself and responding to negative comments. When I first made this site, I shared all the documents I received and all their website contents and disputed the narratives they created. It was time-consuming and emotionally draining for me to do that. I still have some of that content on here.
However, I soon realized that engaging with them only fueled the fire. If you look at the Titles of posts on stellareddy.com, you will see they took my posts as well trying to dispute what I was writing.
Instead, I focused on blocking and reporting any negative accounts, I reported them instead. This decision to disengage was liberating; it allowed me to reclaim my mental space and avoid unnecessary stress.
Educate Myself
I took the time to educate myself about toxic traits, narcissism, and online privacy and security. Understanding the tactics used by doxxers empowered me to take preventive measures.
I also found WordPress and its many Bloggers. The info I found here helped to save my mental health, as I finally accepted I was not alone in my struggles. I have read so many posts that have helped me and I still do that daily.
I read articles and watched videos on digital security, learning about tools like VPNs and encrypted messaging apps. I learned about Domain Registrars, Domain Providers and their Policies. Knowledge became a crucial part of my strategy to ensure that I felt secure online and could protect myself against future incidents.
Stay Connected with Trusted People
Throughout this journey, I made sure to stay connected with the people I trusted. I reached out to friends and family regularly, sharing updates about my feelings and experiences.
My husband has been my biggest support. While he never completely understood how I felt over all this mess, he was there for me, even just to provide a hug. I know I would not be where I am today without him. As I have grown as a person, so has he…
Their support proved invaluable, and having a solid support system helped me feel less alone. I also found comfort in knowing that I could lean on them for assistance if I needed help dealing with the emotional aftermath of being doxxed.
Reflect and Move Forward
Finally, I learned the importance of reflection. Once the initial shock began to wear off, I took time to reflect on the experience and what it taught me about online safety, resilience, toxicity, and the value of community.
While the incident was undoubtedly traumatic, it also prompted me to adopt better practices for protecting myself, become a better person, and connect with others who had faced similar challenges. I have learned so much!
In conclusion, maintaining my equilibrium during and after being doxxed was a multifaceted process. By acknowledging my feelings, seeking support, documenting my experience, and taking proactive measures, I found ways to navigate this difficult situation.
While no one should have to go through such an invasion of privacy, I hope that sharing my journey can help others find their strength and resilience in the face of online harassment.