Embracing Courage: My Journey to Overcome Fear
As I reflect on my life so far, I often ponder the phrase, “Don’t let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen.” These words have become a mantra for me, reminding me to face my fears head-on and not let them dictate what I do, or don’t do. I use exposure therapy regularly to fight my fears. I’ve come to realize that fear is a natural part of growth and learning, but it’s how I respond to it that truly matters.
My Experience with Fear
I remember times when fear held me back, especially after being doxxed online on personally titled websites created by toxic people over the past 8 years. I would imagine all the possible negative outcomes and let those thoughts paralyze me from living. I feared physical retaliation by them and others they instigated for their false accusations against me of the racism they accused me of in their posts.
I realized I had to be brave enough to act despite my fears. I knew the truth of their many lies and I had to become more vocal over my story, hence this website. This realization sparked something within me. I began to understand that fear is not something to be ashamed of, but rather something to be acknowledged and overcome.
Taking the First Step
One of the most significant steps I took was to start small. I didn’t try to tackle my biggest fear all at once, which was talking to other people. Instead, I began with smaller challenges that still made me uncomfortable. For instance, before I left Ontario in the Fall of 2020, I would walk around my neighbourhood, even going to the stores there. I would walk with my head down, but I was still outside of my apartment!
Building Resilience
Building resilience has been crucial in my journey. I’ve learned to focus on what I can control and let go of the rest. When faced with a daunting situation, I remind myself that I’ve overcome challenges before and can do so again.
Yesterday was the 34th anniversary of the house fire I had on March 17, 1991. I got stuck in this burning house and jumped 32 feet to the ground to get away from the flames, landed on my knees and fell face first. I broke both femurs, smashed up my kneecaps and joints, busted up my face, especially around my mouth, and had 2nd and 3rd degree burns on my arms and hands. This damage to my body then led to severe arthritis now in my knees and hips, and spinal stenosis in my back.
I spent 3 months in the hospital where I was bed-ridden and experienced many surgeries on my legs, even one from an infection. I had steel rods put in my femurs that remained for 2 years before being removed. I also lost a lot of teeth and my bottom lip was almost torn off. Then there was the removal of burnt skins from the many burns I had. It took almost 3 years of physiotherapy to walk again and regain my independence but I did it all as I had children to look after and a life to get back to living.
Dealing with the fear of having another fire was terrible but with therapy, even exposure therapy, I made it through and can now be near fires, even fireplaces, without freaking out. It was after this house fire that I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and after 5 years in therapy, I learned to maintain my symptoms.
I have remained determined as well to survive the cancer that also keeps returning since my diagnosis in 1999. I lost count of all the lasers and excisions I have had to remove these lesions with my last one in July 2024 and will continue to do all I can to keep it away and spreading further.
This self-trust I gained during these recoveries has been a powerful tool in helping me navigate through difficult times ever since, even the cyberbullying the past 8 years.
The Power of Support
I’ve also come to appreciate the importance of having a supportive network, especially a supportive husband. Surrounding myself with people who believe in me has given me the courage to take many risks. Their encouragement and guidance have been invaluable, helping me stay motivated even when fear tries to creep in.
Conclusion
As I look back, I realize that the fear of what could happen was once a significant barrier for me. But by choosing to face my fears and take action, I’ve opened myself up to experiences and opportunities that I never thought possible. I’ve learned that growth happens outside of my comfort zone and that embracing uncertainty can lead to incredible rewards.
The phrase “Don’t let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen” continues to inspire me. It reminds me that fear is natural, but it doesn’t have to be paralyzing. By acknowledging my fears and taking small steps toward overcoming them, I’ve been able to live a more fulfilling life. I hope that my journey can inspire others to do the same, to embrace their fears and let courage guide them toward their dreams.