Hypocrisy

Understanding Hypocrisy in the World of Toxic Adult Bullies

Hypocrisy, at its core, is the art of condemning in others the very behaviour one freely practices themselves. It is the hollow claim of moral superiority while simultaneously engaging in the exact conduct deemed unacceptable in someone else. It is, in many ways, the cornerstone of narcissistic behaviour — and nowhere is this more painfully evident than it was in the relentless online harassment campaign against me for almost 9 years.

What truly cemented this particular conclusion in my mind — as if the universe itself decided to gift us with a perfectly wrapped, bow-tied example of breathtaking irony — was the rather delicious spectacle of a sitting United States President gleefully casting his vote via mail-in ballot, all while simultaneously, passionately, and with the full theatrical fury of a man who has never once encountered a mirror, condemning the very practice as fraudulent, corrupt, and an existential threat to democracy itself.

Yes. You read that correctly. Let that marinate for just a moment.

The same individual who had been standing at podiums, microphones, and the hallowed digital pulpit of social media — screaming from the metaphorical rooftops that mail-in voting was rigged, stolen, crooked, and essentially the political equivalent of inviting chaos — quietly, without so much as a hint of self-awareness, picked up a mail-in ballot and used it.

When I stumbled upon these words this morning, which perfectly encapsulated this dynamic, I knew immediately that it needed to be shared here. Because what it describes is not just a concept from a psychology textbook — it is my lived reality, day after day, week after week, as I am sure it is for many others. It is the exhausting, dizzying experience of being targeted by Toxic Adult Bullies who seem to have made it their personal mission to drive me to the edge of my sanity through a never-ending barrage of false allegations, manipulative tactics, and calculated cruelty.

And yet — here I am. Still standing. Still speaking. Still healing.

The Endless Game of Toxic Baiting

One of the most glaring examples of hypocrisy in this entire situation is something so obvious that it would almost be laughable if it weren’t so deeply damaging: the individual who relentlessly bashed me online for maintaining my own website AFTER they had turned around and operated seven (7) websites about me. Let that sink in for a moment.

They criticized me for having a voice over my own life — for refusing to accept their versions of what they assume my life was like. They grew angry that I created a website using my personal name, all while they ran ones also in my personal name. They ridiculed my writing, my choices, my words, all while writing under my name. This is not a coincidence. This is not irony. It is textbook narcissistic behaviour — the act of condemning in others what one cannot face in oneself.

A narcissist is so deeply entrenched in their own distorted worldview that they genuinely cannot see, or do not care about, the breathtaking contradiction of their actions. They project their own insecurities outward, hoping that if they shout loudly enough, others will mistake their noise for truth.

But truth doesn’t bend to volume. It stands quietly, waiting for the noise to collapse under its own weight — and it always does.

This is what dealing with a true narcissist looks like. They do not operate by the same rules they expect others to follow. In their mind, the rules do not apply to them. They are the exception. They are justified. And you? You deserve whatever they dish out — because in their carefully constructed narrative, you are the villain, and they are the righteous avenger.

This is why they resort to name-calling and labelling. By attaching words like racist, white supremacist, and crazy to my name, they are attempting something deeply calculated: they are trying to strip away my humanity. If they can reduce me to a label — if they can make others see a word rather than a person — then they can justify their cruelty. They can tell themselves, and anyone willing to listen, that I have no real feelings, no legitimate perspective, no right to be treated with dignity or respect.

But here is what they fail to understand, or perhaps what they understand all too well and fear: labels do not define people. Words repeated loudly and often enough may plant seeds of doubt in some minds, but they cannot change the truth. And the truth, given enough time and space, always finds a way to surface. Never doubt that, even if sometimes it might take years.

The Manipulation Playbook: Recognizing the Tricks

After over 8 years of being on the receiving end of this kind of targeted harassment, after countless hours of reading, researching, and working through the trauma in counselling, I have come to know their playbook intimately. Every move, every tactic, every carefully worded post — I see it now for exactly what it is.

Gaslighting. They took my words — particularly the raw, emotional, defensive words that any human being would naturally express when being relentlessly attacked — and they twisted them. They reframed them. They presented them out of context as evidence of instability, as proof of their narrative that I am “crazy.” What they are really doing is weaponizing my humanity against me. Because only a person who cares, only a person who is real and feeling, would respond with emotion to being publicly humiliated and falsely accused. My reactions are not evidence of madness — they are evidence of being human.

Triangulation. They pull in third parties, real or imagined, to validate their perspective and isolate their target. They craft their narrative carefully, presenting themselves as the wronged parties, the victims of an unjust system, the brave truth-tellers standing up against corruption. It is a performance, and a well-rehearsed one at that.

Smear Campaigns. Perhaps the most telling sign of all is the smear campaign itself — the website, the posts, the labels, the constant stream of criticism directed at everything you do and say. This is the narcissist’s ultimate fallback when they do not get their way. When the system fails to deliver the outcome they demanded, when accountability knocks on their door, they retaliate by attempting to destroy the reputation of anyone they hold responsible. It is petty. It is cruel. And it is, ultimately, deeply revealing of their true character.

You did not need to read every word on stellareddy.com to understand what was happening there. You only need to look at the titles of the pages. Each one is a window into the mind of someone engaged in a deliberate, sustained campaign of harassment — someone who has chosen to invest enormous amounts of time and energy into tearing down another person rather than moving forward with their own life.

That choice says everything.

The Simple Truth Beneath All the Noise

Beneath all the elaborate accusations, the dramatic narratives, and the carefully curated online content, there is a remarkably simple truth at the heart of this entire situation — one that no amount of gaslighting or manipulation can erase.

As tenants, the Toxic Adult Bullies in question repeatedly and consistently refused to provide access to the apartment they rented. This is not a matter of interpretation or perspective. This is a documented fact. And in the world of tenancy law, refusing lawful access is not acceptable — regardless of the reason, regardless of the excuse, regardless of how justified one might feel in the moment.

Additionally, as tenants, they took it upon themselves to deduct funds from their rent — something that is clearly and unambiguously prohibited under the rules governing tenancy. Again, this is not a gray area. The regulations are explicit. The boundaries are clear.

These were their choices. Their actions. Their decisions — made freely, with full awareness of the rules they were breaking. And those choices had consequences. They were evicted. Not because of anything anyone else did or failed to do. Not because of bias or racism or any of the other labels they have attempted to attach to the situation. They were evicted because of their own behaviour.

The refusal to accept this — the insistence on casting themselves as victims of a grand conspiracy rather than individuals facing the natural consequences of their own actions — is perhaps the most telling aspect of this entire situation. Accountability is the narcissist’s greatest enemy. And when faced with it, they will go to extraordinary lengths to redirect, deflect, and destroy.

Too bad. The truth remains the truth, no matter how loudly or persistently one tries to drown it out.

The Turning Point: Choosing Healing Over Survival

I want to be honest about something, because I think honesty — real, vulnerable, unvarnished honesty — is one of the most powerful tools available to those of us who have been through experiences like this.

There was a time when I was not okay. Not even close.

Before I decided to move back to Newfoundland, I had been so thoroughly ground down by the relentless harassment, the false allegations, and the psychological warfare of this smear campaign that I had retreated almost entirely into myself. I was cowering in my pyjamas, terrified of every sound. Every knock at the door sent a jolt of fear through my entire body, so much so that I threw up. The thought of a stranger approaching me on the street filled me with dread. I did not trust anyone. I did not want to trust anyone. The idea of letting someone close enough to know me — close enough to potentially hurt me — felt like an unacceptable risk.

That is what sustained psychological abuse does to a person. It does not just hurt you in the moment — it rewires the way you move through the world. It teaches you that people are dangerous, that kindness is a prelude to betrayal, that the safest thing you can do is keep everyone at arm’s length and never, ever let your guard down.

I am sharing this not to invite pity, but because I know there are others out there reading these words who recognize themselves in this description. Who are living in that same contracted, fearful space right now. And I want them to know: it does not have to stay this way. It didn’t for me!

Coming Home: The Healing Power of Community

Moving back to Newfoundland & Labrador has been, in ways I am still discovering, one of the most profoundly healing decisions I have ever made.

I go outside now more than I ever did. Rain or shine, I walk to the grocery store — only about five minutes away — and I breathe the air, and I move through the world like a person who belongs in it. Because I do. Because we all do.

The people here have reminded me of something I had almost forgotten: that genuine human kindness exists, and it is not always hiding something sinister beneath it. Just yesterday, I was walking home with shopping bags in hand when a woman pulled her car over to the side of the road and asked if I needed a ride. She said I looked like I was struggling. I thanked her warmly and told her I was almost home — but the gesture itself, that simple, spontaneous act of neighbourly concern, moved me more than I can easily express. That happens quite a bit here.

That is Newfoundland & Labrador. That is the spirit of this place and these people. A stranger stopped to ask if I needed help. Not because she knew me. Not because she wanted anything in return. Simply because she saw another human being and responded with care.

I smile at strangers now. I smile back when they smile at me. I talk to people. I no longer flinch at footsteps behind me or freeze at the sound of a knock at the door. I am learning — slowly, imperfectly, but genuinely — to trust again. To believe that not every outstretched hand is concealing a blade. To accept that I am worthy of kindness, of community, of belonging.

Every single day here, I am shown evidence that my fear was a wound, not a truth. And wounds, with the right care and environment, can heal.

The Gift of Self-Knowledge

One of the unexpected gifts that has emerged from the darkest period of my life is a depth of self-knowledge and psychological understanding that I genuinely do not think I could have acquired any other way.

The reading. The research. The hours spent in counselling, working through the layers of confusion, hurt, anger, and self-doubt that years of targeted harassment had deposited in my psyche. All of it has given me something invaluable: the ability to see clearly.

I understand now what a smear campaign is and how it operates. I understand the mechanics of gaslighting — how it works to make the target question their own perception of reality, their own memory, their own sanity. I understand triangulation, and the way narcissists use it to isolate and control. I understand the seductive logic of the victim narrative that abusers construct around themselves, and why it can be so convincing to those who have not seen it up close.

Most importantly, I understand that none of what has been said about me in that smear campaign defines me. Labels are not identities. Accusations are not evidence. Repetition is not truth.

I do not believe I will ever be manipulated in this way again — not because I have become hard or closed off, but because I have become clear. I know what these patterns look like. I know how they feel. I know the early warning signs, the subtle shifts in dynamic that precede the more overt forms of abuse. That knowledge is armour. Not the kind that keeps people out, but the kind that keeps me safe while remaining open to genuine connection.

Final Thoughts: Hypocrisy Cannot Survive the Light

Now that the smear campaign and the websites are gone, something becomes unmistakably clear: hypocrisy, like most things built on falsehood, cannot survive sustained exposure to light and truth.

The people who condemned me for having a website in my own name while running one about me — also in my name — revealed more about themselves than they ever did about me. The person who called me names while claiming moral superiority, who accused me of behaviours they themselves engaged in, who insisted they were the victim while publicly attacking me… that contradiction was never invisible. It was, in fact, one of the clearest signals that what I was witnessing was not a genuine grievance but a performance.

A carefully staged production designed to obscure a simple truth: actions have consequences, and no amount of online content can change what actually happened.

And now that their content is gone, the performance has ended. What remains is reality — and I am still here.

I am a human being with feelings, thoughts, a history, and a future. I have people in my life who know me, who care for me, and who have stood beside me through years of distortion and noise. I have a community around me that has shown me, in small and large ways, that kindness is real and that I belong here.

Most importantly, I have my voice. And I will continue to use it — not out of anger, not out of revenge, but because speaking the truth clearly and calmly is one of the most powerful things any of us can do in the face of deliberate distortion.

The hypocrisy of Toxic Adult Bullies is real. It is ugly. It causes genuine harm. But it is also, ultimately, self‑defeating.

While they were busy constructing elaborate narratives to avoid accountability, the rest of us were doing the quiet, unglamorous, deeply worthwhile work of healing — and living — and moving forward. That work continues. That work matters.