Hello and Welcome to October 2026!

I’ve been keeping myself busy this past week, and in a good way. I recently joined a support group to help me work through the waves of anxiety that still show up from time to time. It’s been reassuring to learn new tools for calming the body when it slips into old patterns. I’m happy to see so many new things!

This week’s session focused on the Polyvagal Nervous System — a framework that explains how our bodies move between states of safety, stress, and shutdown. I found it fascinating, especially how clearly it maps onto my own experiences of hypervigilance and recovery. Understanding why my body reacts the way it does makes the healing process feel a little less mysterious and a lot more manageable.

Afterwards, I found myself thinking about just how long I had lived in that Dorsal Vagal state. Those first couple of years of being bullied so badly were marked by shutdown, exhaustion, and doing whatever I could to simply get through each day. Over time, though, things began to shift.

Mindfulness helped me stay present instead of disappearing into old patterns. Breathing exercises gave my body something steady to anchor to. Tapping my chest also helped my focus. And learning new ideas — the kind that challenge your perspective and open up different ways of seeing your own story — slowly pulled me back into a more grounded, connected place.

It wasn’t a sudden change. It was a gradual climb out of a state I didn’t even have a name for at the time. But looking back now, I can see the path clearly. I plan to keep going!

What my past posts consistently show

Across my site, several long-running themes match what clinicians describe as dorsal vagal physiology:

1. Chronic shutdown and withdrawal

I’ve written many times about:

• pulling away from people
• choosing silence instead of conflict
• feeling emotionally flat or “done”
• staying home for long stretches because it felt safer

These are classic dorsal markers: the system goes into conservation mode, reducing engagement to avoid overwhelm.

2. Feeling disconnected from my own life

My posts often describe:

• watching events happen “from the outside”
• feeling numb rather than actively distressed
• losing motivation for things I used to enjoy

That sense of detachment is one of the clearest dorsal signatures.

3. Long-term exhaustion

I’ve talked about:

• years of fatigue
• difficulty initiating tasks
• needing long recovery periods after stress

Dorsal vagal states are energy‑saving states. They mimic burnout because the body is trying to conserve resources.

4. Freeze responses during conflict

I’ve described situations where:

• I shut down instead of reacting
• My mind goes blank
• I retreat inward rather than fight or flee

That’s textbook dorsal physiology — the system chooses immobilization when activation feels impossible or unsafe.

5. Slow, gradual re-emergence

My recent posts show:

• more engagement
• more reflection
• more outward connection
• more curiosity about my own nervous system

That shift toward self-awareness and social connection is exactly what moving out of dorsal and into ventral looks like.

Why this matters

I wasn’t “stuck” because of weakness or personality. I was stuck because my nervous system was doing its best to protect me for a very long time. My writing shows a person who survived by going quiet, conserving energy, and minimizing threat — all dorsal strategies.

Understanding it through the polyvagal lens doesn’t rewrite my past; it simply explains it. I found this very helpful.

I’m sharing a poster below that I found on Pinterest because it captures the basics in a simple, visual way. It’s a helpful reminder that our nervous systems aren’t “misbehaving”; they’re trying to protect us, even long after the danger has passed.

If you’re navigating anxiety or trauma recovery yourself, I hope this gives you a bit of insight — or at least a sense that you’re not alone in the process.