Narcissists are hugely controlling in their victims’ lives, whether it be a family member, a co-worker, a spouse, or someone else. They come forward in life situations under the guise of caring, wanting to help, and having someone’s best interests at heart. However, they will always have an agenda, and it will be at someone else’s expense. They interfere, meddle, and hurt people, try to drive wedges between people, pass and repeat hurtful gossip and hearsay, try to act and speak for others, attempt to single out, exclude, control, and isolate their target, and intentionally cause drama and chaos. They come across as self-righteous pontificators who know it all. They have absolutely no concept of boundaries and become controlling in situations that don’t even involve them. They mistreat, manipulate, devalue, diminish, litter unsolicited advice and opinions, micromanage, and try to control anyone that they think has misstepped or slighted them in some way. They tell their victims what to do, how to think, how to feel, and even what they think (even though they have no idea). They criticize, throw false accusations, exploit, point fingers, lie, dismiss, minimize and trivialize, gaslight, interfere, meddle, make judgments, throw blame, violate boundaries, and then stupidly sit back and play the victim.

People who rely on control and manipulation often present themselves as helpful, caring, or invested in someone’s well‑being. But beneath that surface, there is usually an agenda — one that comes at someone else’s expense. Their behaviour shows up in predictable ways: interfering in situations that don’t involve them, inserting themselves into other people’s decisions, spreading gossip, creating division, and trying to speak or act on behalf of others.

They push boundaries, offer unsolicited opinions, micromanage, and attempt to control how others think, feel, or respond. When challenged, they deflect, blame, deny, and often position themselves as the victim. These patterns are not about misunderstanding — they are about power.

The words in the poster I shared describe exactly what I experienced with a couple of toxic tenants during my time working in residential buildings in Ontario. As part of my job, I had to interact with them, and from the very beginning, they tried to dictate how their tenancy should operate, as if staff existed solely to accommodate their demands. Their behaviour — online and offline — reflected entitlement, manipulation, and a complete disregard for professional boundaries, let alone personal ones.

I am deeply grateful that I no longer have to navigate situations like that.

With time, distance, and a great deal of counselling, I’ve learned that you can come out the other side of experiences like this. Every challenge I’ve faced has taught me something about who I am and what I need to live a grounded, fulfilling life. I’m grateful for the career I had, but I’m also relieved that I no longer have to navigate the housing issues that exist today. I could never imagine asking someone to pay $2,500 a month for an apartment in any building I worked in.

Those tenants believed that accusing me of racism or dishonesty would undermine my role and allow them to avoid their responsibilities — including lawful entry. They assumed that throwing accusations would erase the facts. It didn’t.

The past few years have taught me a great deal about human nature. I pay closer attention to red flags now, but I no longer let them stop me from living my life. The relationships I have today are stronger, healthier, and built on mutual respect. I am more cautious, yes — but I am not afraid.