I love this article on Psychology Today, as it gets you to think of your thoughts as a seperate part of what makes you, you. I have read similar ones before and I have come to see my thoughts, are not the whole sum of what makes me, me. Thoughts are experiences like any other and you can choose what you follow, as your thoughts can’t make you do anything.
Take control of your thoughts, or they will control you. You heal by releasing, not suppressing. I release all the negative thoughts about these websites in my name online posted by Adult Tenant Bullies. The term Bully explains what they do, and their own words on there, show the evidence of it.
The words written by previous tenants, I now know will never do anything to my personal life. Kory Read’s personal opinions will never be accepted as the authority on me, not possible. They are just HIS personal experiences based on his own skewed views. He WANTS to see me in a negative light, so will always write that way, and as such, they do not equate into who I am as a person. So, no, I am no longer worried about anyone finding their sites and avoiding me. I look at common sense, not my emotions, and common sense tells me that there is nothing Kory Read & Allison Read will ever do that will affect my life on a personal level. That is a powerful release for me.
Bullies have no control who I am friends with and it will never affect anything I want to do, like darts, or bowling, not even any walking groups nor community service I want to access. No one has ever turned me away from anything I needed because of these websites online in my name and I know they never will. Why would they, seriously? Their words don’t affect any type of service I receive, from any agency, nor do their words control what I do these days. I will live my life and enjoy everything my home province can offer me, as the words of Bullies will no longer stop me from doing anything! That is a powerful release for me
It is easier to do than I thought. I cancelled all the monitoring services, as refuse to drive myself nuts anymore with whether those sites are online or not. Simple, hey? Yes, it is. Determination is so important. I refuse to give them any more attention. That is a powerful release for me.
Changing my habitual behaviour over how I think about this smear campaign online in my name, isn’t easy, but I am doing it. I have been looking at my thoughts as a separate entity and know I don’t need to accept them as they are. I define myself and my experiences, not thoughts put there by actions of anyone else. I have no insecurities anymore, as I accept I have choices.
Other people can think whatever they want, say whatever they want, I don’t need to pay attention to it, nor do I need to accept their words. I decide.
Take Kory Read and his assertion that the word “Newfie” was upsetting to them and they considered it discrimination. As I am a Newfie, born and raised, I can use it, its personal choice, as a person from this province. I don’t mind the term so I take ownership of that, as a person from Newfoundland, as I can. He can say it bothers him all he wants, he don’t have the power to stop me from using it, nor can he make anyone else make me stop. With this action, Kory Read tried to take my human rights way. He don’t have the power to do that.
I have become very confident in myself and all the fear is gone for me. Even most of my anger is now gone. I am free! I have been able to go out in public and be myself. Smile, talk to people, even make new friends! No website online in my name will ever stop me from living my life as I see fit.
I refuse to hide away anymore and limit what I want to do, out of fear of someone attacking me over the content written by some asshole online, in a domain in my personal name, stellareddy.com. If by some slim chance, and it is very slim here, that someone does decide to question me over the contents they find in sites online, I have every right to ignore this person and walk away. I don’t NEED to stand there and take anything from anyone. That is the simple truth that I think these Bullies forget.
In the end, I have control and I will never give it up to anyone else ever again and I am thankfully in the position where I can do that. I made sure I would have control over who and what I allow in my personal life.
That is a powerful release for me.
I got some bad news yesterday from the specialist. I was informed that when I fell a couple of months ago that I also damaged the ligaments and tendons in my left thigh that will need time to heal. So, no walking trails for me for awhile. I was told I have to stay on flat, even ground for the next few months but I can drive again! I don’t use my left leg for that so I am good! Our road trip is still a go!! I got a cortisone shot yesterday and go back in 3 months to see if it helped me. If not, I go for knee replacement. As he said, I did some major damage to my legs and it is now all coming back to haunt me with arthritis and deterioration. I knew the day would come and I can deal with it. Time to learn new ways of doing things I want to do! You will always figure it out, if you want it bad enough. I will walk the beach this summer! Nothing will stop me, never again, from having the life and freedom I want to have.
- Fear can be powerful, vulnerability is hard, and pain can be debilitating. They are often feelings we try to avoid.
- Your mind continuously churns out words, sentences, stories, images, memories, commentary, judgments, and predictions.
- To reduce avoidant behavior, you can act in opposition to what your mind tells you to do and treat your thoughts as something separate from you.
If you can “watch” your thoughts and take the perspective that you are not your thoughts, so many things become possible. You can have a thought and:
- Not listen to it.
- Do the opposite of what it implies.
- Notice it for what it is: a habitual behavior of your mind.
Then, when you find yourself having a difficult moment—especially when you have the urge to avoid—do the same thing: pause a moment and notice what you’re thinking. Imagine yourself watching the thoughts as if from a distance. Notice the difference (and distance) between yourself and the thought. Remind yourself that you are not the thought. It is just something you experience, and it doesn’t have to be in control. Then do the next thing you would do if the thought weren’t running your life, but instead, you were following what is deeply important to you.
This takes practice. So don’t give up if it turns out to be kind of tricky. It might help if you start by noticing the difference between yourself and sounds, yourself and sights, and then yourself and thoughts, just as we did in this chapter. As you move forward toward reducing avoidance, facing your fears, and building a meaningful life, this skill is going to come in handy.