You Are NOT The Problem, Their Actions Are!


This is a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists called “gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist seeks to make the victim doubt their own feelings, perceptions, and sanity. They do this by minimizing or denying their own harmful actions and instead focusing on the victim’s reactions or emotions.

In essence, the narcissist attempts to shift the blame onto the victim and make it seem like the victim’s reactions are irrational or unwarranted. They will call you “crazy”! This can be a highly effective way for the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour and maintain control over the situation. I saw this in action for myself!

Right from the beginning of this mess, I was being blamed for reacting to their actions. They claimed on their first website that they were being evicted because it was “racially motivated” and at no time did they admit they broke the rules by denying entry. They were never able to prove this claim, as they know there is nothing there to prove it! They try so hard to get you to focus on my responses to their actions, than their actions themselves.

The Toxic Tenants outright lied in this content. They lied by omission, as they refused to mention the reason they were brought to the LTB as noted on the Form N5 used to get the hearing, which was their persistent refusal of access for the repairs they claim they needed so badly. They have never admitted their own actions caused their eviction, which shows such a lack of accountability!

They also outright lied about the repairs. What were all the Notices of Entry for if not to get the repairs done? Those documents are clear evidence of attempts to do repairs there, but they refused entry. I guess that is my fault too.

This is clear evidence of the narcissist trying to convince others that it is my reactions to their actions that are the problem, not their actions that caused that response. It is the story of what came first…Their actions or mine.

It is okay for Toxic Tenants to name and shame me in various domain contents they created for that purpose, but if I complain, then I am the toxic person. It is very convoluted.

You will hear us address the issues of Stella Reddy and Alto Properties creating fake documents, serving illegal documents, making inappropriate statements and showing that Stella Reddy and Alto Properties only wanted our family gone out of the building because it was racially motivated.

It could be nothing else as we have NEVER been late on paying our rent. Our unit is probably the cleanest and best keep unit in the 30 plus units within the building. And we get along with absolutely everyone in the building, even Stella Reddy sister who now also lives in the building.

We tried to address the issue of the unit needing the bathroom, windows, stove being fixed for the past 2 ½ years, and how Alto Properties has done everything in their power to avoid repairing the unit during that time. We provided documentation to Kevin Lundy that clearly showed that even since October 2016, Stella Reddy and Alto Properties made absolutely no attempts to fix anything in the unit.

We also spoke at the hearing on the topic of how we brought it to the attention of the owners our concerns about Stella Reddy and her racist comments about our children and my wife. How they could NEVER be bother to come to us to even inquire as to what it was about.

I think this would be an appropriate time to mention that we had in fact filed our application on Alto Properties and Stella Reddy before they filed theirs to have us kicked out.

Naming and shaming” is a concept where individuals publicly expose or identify others for perceived wrongdoings or unethical behaviour. The intent of the Toxic Tenants was to try and convince their readers that I was a racist person making up lies and forging documents to get them illegally evicted and ignore their acts of refusing entry, in writing at that. They tried to get you to accept that they didn’t do any of that, I made it all up in attempts to illegally evict them. They are innocent and did no wrong, or so they claim…They won’t even admit publicly they own those sites!

This can be a distressing experience, and it’s essential to take steps to address it constructively. I didn’t react sometimes in the best way, but as I say, you don’t know till you know. I had to research and learn how to ” react” in the proper way. Here are some suggestions on how to handle being named and shamed:

  1. Stay Calm: It’s natural to feel upset or defensive when someone is publicly criticizing or shaming you, but try to remain as calm as possible. Avoid engaging in a heated argument or responding impulsively.
  2. Assess the Situation: Take some time to understand why you are being named and shamed. Is there any truth to the allegations or criticisms being made? Understanding the source and motivation behind the accusations can help you respond more effectively.
  3. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or trusted colleagues who can provide emotional support and guidance during this challenging time. Talking to someone you trust can help you process your feelings and gain perspective.
  4. Disengage from Trolls: If the naming and shaming is happening online, especially on social media, it may involve trolls or individuals seeking to provoke a reaction. Sometimes, the best response is to ignore and disengage from such behaviour, as responding may only feed the negativity.
  5. Seek Legal Advice: If the situation involves false accusations, harassment, or defamation, consult with an attorney to understand your legal rights and options. Legal action may be necessary in some cases.
  6. Take Care of Your Well-being: Focus on self-care to manage the stress and emotional toll this situation may be causing. This includes practicing relaxation techniques, maintaining a healthy routine, and seeking professional help if needed.
  7. Learn and Grow: Use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth and self-reflection. Regardless of the validity of the accusations, consider what you can learn from the situation to become a better person.

Remember that being named and shamed is a challenging experience, but it doesn’t define your worth or character. How you respond to the situation can make a significant difference in how it ultimately affects you. Surround yourself with supportive individuals, and take steps to protect your mental and emotional well-being.

Move if you have to, like I did! Go somewhere new and start over… The Trolls will try to follow you but they won’t get anywhere as the people of your new community do not care what these strangers to them have to say. Anonymous writers on the internet are ignored. If they can’t be honest enough to show their name, they aren’t being honest. Liars feel the need to hide.

For me, it was the practice of Mindfulness that got me out of my head and the fear of everything that lived there. I focus on the here and now these days, except when writing on this Blog. The posting I do has helped me release all the pain of being Bullied so badly. It has been my release. We all need a way to do that!!


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2 thoughts on “You Are NOT The Problem, Their Actions Are!

  1. Nice post 💯💕

    Have a good Saturday 🌞

    Together we grow if we follow each other and contribute to the respective posts 💯 

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