When to Start Your Healing Journey

As the article says below, you don’t need to be fully healed from trauma to start living your life! I was working on my mindset, since the beginning of all this, and it was hard to stay true to myself at times due to the extreme gaslighting, but in the end, I am here where I need to be. It was everywhere at one point, online and in person! I was human and gave into the pressure sometimes, to stay quiet and not give Adult Tenant Bullies, Kory & Allison Read, nothing else they could twist around, but in the end, I just could not just sit there and accept their psychological abuse and outright lies and exaggerations.

I didn’t care that my actions were causing them to attack me even more viciously, I refused to accept it. I had a voice and needed to use it. I came to see I am allowed to do that. Besides, I came to see that the more they wrote on stellareddy.com, the more evidence I would get of their Narcissistic Bullying! They were putting all their nasty speculations online for the world to see and for me to save for future use!

I have been guilty of procrastination from time to time, it is tiring to constantly monitor your thoughts and try to change them. It is also hard to see so many outright lies and exaggerations being put out there to the world by these Narcissistic Bullies. I know there were times my “reactions” to their Bullying ways, was also a bit extreme, I felt at the time I had to be to show myself, not just others, what they were doing. My anger helped me stay true to myself and my own perceptions. I know what I know, about this situation, and no amount of Gaslighting will ever change it. 

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is very draining…It takes a lot of work, every day, to work on your mental health and change your mindset. I include a link below that explains CBT in great detail!

https://www.cnet.com/google-amp/news/what-is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/

How does cognitive behavioral therapy work?

Cognitive behavioral therapy is a type of talk therapy that operates on the belief that unhealthy thinking and negative behaviors are learned — and can be changed. By identifying how you interpret situations can be damaging, you can relieve symptoms of anxietydepression and obsessive-compulsive disorder by adapting how you think. With CBT, you’re not replacing automatic negative thinking with forced positivity; it’s about being realistic. People who complete CBT accept they can’t control every situation. However, they can control how they perceive and interpret them. Unlike other psychotherapy methods, CBT sessions address in-the-moment feelings. It doesn’t focus solely on past experiences like other talk therapy options. While your therapist may ask about your past, CBT is an active therapy practice that helps you build the tools to recognize negative thinking and behavioral patterns so you can adapt accordingly. Common cognitive behavioral therapy techniques include relaxation practicesstress-relieving exercises and problem-solving strategies. 

I have learned that moving towards what you want, is healing. Every time I emailed a domain company, like Uniregistry, emailed a hosting company, like Hostinger, that held these Smear Campaign domains on their servers, I was helping myself in my healing. Every email to ICANN, Jetpack, LinkedIn, Google, Yandex, Yahoo, Rogers, even other property management companies, I was helping myself in my healing.

Anything I did that picked up for my personal rights that Kory & Allison Read were violating, I was helping myself in my healing. I still do these things! 

Because moving towards the things that you want – those people, places, and pursuits that would fill your life with meaning and fulfillment – and specifically, moving towards those things before you feel ready can actually accelerate your healing journey by boosting your sense of agency, competency, and support the reclamation and healing of your self-esteem and self-worth in the world.

Reparative experiences – lived experiences and actions taken across an arc of time that challenge our cognitive and somatic distortions – can help rewire our maladaptive beliefs and behaviors about ourselves, others, and the world in a way that theory, imagination, or positive wishful thinking simply can’t compete with in terms of effectiveness.

It’s one thing to challenge your critical self-talk with kinder, more supportive self-talk. It’s another thing entirely to prove to yourself through your lived experiences that those kinder, more supportive self-statements are, in fact, true.

Through learned experiences the past couple of years, I have proven to myself that my kinder, more supportive self-statements are, in fact, true. I proved to myself that the negative, malicious words on a domain in my personal name, is not who I am, it is the personal speculations of previous Tenants who just do not know me, no matter how many words they manipulate and gaslight to try and convince you.  They can speculate all they want, it don’t make anything they say, true. Words are nothing without evidence, even to the HRTO!

Just because someone has suspicions of another, don’t mean a thing, they have to be able to prove it. If the Tribunals operated this way, where anyone could accuse another of anything without something to back it up, it would be overrun!

Kory & Allison Read only had their personal suspicions, they have a lot of suspicions, and you can see it all on display on stellareddy.com and the other sites they have, even the RooseveltSkerrit.com one!

“for an Application to advance to a full hearing on the merits, an applicant must be able to point to some evidence, beyond his or her own suspicions, that could make out a link to the Code. The Tribunal has repeatedly said that an applicant’s belief, no matter how strongly held, is not evidence upon which the Tribunal might find that discrimination has occurred. See for example Leong v. Ontario (Attorney General), 2014 HRTO 311.

I found this little nugget of info on the Canlii.org website, as I looked at Orders already released of other Human Rights cases. Even the CAD we got in March 2019 gave us links to other orders already done, so we can see what info they were looking for from us as well. As it clearly states, a Applicant MUST be able to point to some evidence, BEYOND HIS OR HER OWN SUSPICIONS, that showed I was racist and discriminatory towards them. Kory & Allison Read had nothing, as there was nothing there.

They lied, clearly, about a prior meeting they claim we had, and taking my shocked words of reaction, to hearing details of their lie of this prior meeting for the first time at the Hearing, do not prove I am racist. I have been told that do not make me a racist person, no matter how much Kory Read may use it to imply I am.

Yes, I was counselled about my drastic decision to move out of Ontario, as it is hard to make such a decision when you are operating from a perspective of Fear, but it had to be done. I saw no other way out of that toxic environment and I didn’t want to take the chance of moving into another toxic environment. I just could not do that and I knew that in NL, I could find the peace I was searching for. I knew what was waiting for me back here and I wanted it, not make myself wait for another few years. I needed the peace I knew I would find here and even tho it was hard, especially during a pandemic, it was worth it to me.

Since I moved, I am doing all I can to recover my mental health and move to a different ending where these words and actions of these previous tenants bullies, no longer bother me. The more I write and share my story, the more I release from my body and mind the toxic feelings, and I heal.

I owe it to myself.

 

 


https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-the-whole-beautiful/202205/you-don-t-need-be-fully-healed-living-life

KEY POINTS

  • For those who come from trauma backgrounds, there’s often a belief that you need to be “full healed” before going after your dreams.
  • This belief is false and it can stop people from experiencing the reparative healing that can come from pursuing their dreams.
  • Prompts such as “What am I dreaming about that I’m not currently moving towards?” can help people explore this topic.

At the heart of each of these statements is a fundamental belief: I’m not healed enough to do X, Y, Z…

And while this may feel like a fundamental belief, it’s not reality: It’s a myth.

And it’s a common myth that, for those who believe in it, can ironically hold them back from the people, places, and pursuits that would otherwise be the most healing agents in their recovery journeys.

Often, for folks who come from relational trauma histories, this translates into people often thinking that they need to be “all healed” before moving towards the things they truly want (dating, kids, grad school, that dream career) because they feel “too broken” to have these good things in their lives now.

This belief is common. It’s normal and natural. But, just because it may be a normal and natural belief doesn’t mean that it’s an accurate belief.

So, while you may not feel “healed enough” (to sign up for that dating app, to ask that gorgeous person out, to research and lay the groundwork for the fulfilling work your heart and soul craves), your feelings don’t necessarily mean fact.

“Healed enough” is a myth. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to wait to be “fully healed” before going after the people and pursuits you want in your life.

Taking action before you feel “healed enough” can be healing.

In fact, starting before you feel “healed enough” can actually be the most healing thing you could do.

Why?

Because moving towards the things that you want – those people, places, and pursuits that would fill your life with meaning and fulfillment – and specifically, moving towards those things before you feel ready can actually accelerate your healing journey by boosting your sense of agency, competency, and support the reclamation and healing of your self-esteem and self-worth in the world.

Reparative experiences – lived experiences and actions taken across an arc of time that challenge our cognitive and somatic distortions – can help rewire our maladaptive beliefs and behaviors about ourselves, others, and the world in a way that theory, imagination, or positive wishful thinking simply can’t compete with in terms of effectiveness.

It’s one thing to challenge your critical self-talk with kinder, more supportive self-talk. It’s another thing entirely to prove to yourself through your lived experiences that those kinder, more supportive self-statements are, in fact, true.

Only you know what is best and right and true for you so, please, sit with what I shared today but always filter it through your own experience and wisdom.

And, if you’re curious to explore this topic further ask yourself:

  • What am I craving and dreaming about that I’m not currently moving towards right now?
  • What beliefs do I have about my capacity to do that?
  • Are these beliefs helpful or harmful?
  • Do these beliefs feel like voices and ideas from my past (like a familiar voice from someone close to me) or are they coming from my body, from some bone-deep wisdom and inner knowing inside of me?
  • What do I imagine might happen if I begin to take action towards what I want?
  • What’s the worst-case scenario and what’s the best-case scenario?
  • Do I know anyone else who “started before they were ready” and who has happy outcomes I’d like for myself?
  • What would it take for me to emulate them? Would I like to do this?

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