Understanding Anger From Being Bullied by Tenants

Anger

I find it uncanny how Psychology Today seems to know the articles I need to see at certain times. I have been writing about the things these Adult Tenant Bullies did that made me angry and I find this article on Understanding Anger.

Yes, anger is something I am sure we are all familiar with, especially if you have been a target of Bullies who think they are the Authority of you and made themselves to be Judge, Jury, and Executioner of everything you do and say for so long. It is a sign that your mistreatment and abuse is, unacceptable!

This is another tool to add to my personal tool box for mental health! Looking at my anger and seeing the true feelings underneath, is difficult for me. The treatment I have received from Kory & Allison Read is unacceptable and I have a hard time wrapping my head around it.

I already realized awhile back, my main feeling from my anger, is confusion. I have a really hard time understanding how another person can be so mean and cruel to another. The hypocrisy and arrogance being shown, gets under my skin. Kory & Allison Read have the impression they are God’s and have the authority and control to write whatever they want about total strangers to them, all out of retaliation for evicting them, for their own actions. Why is it so hard for people to accept such cruelty exists?  

Why is it so hard for me to accept it? I know and accept I can’t control what Kory Read does, and in my heart, I know no one is reading his crap, other than people I know who are watching for changes he might try to post. I also know I have exposed them as the writers of it and I spread the word to so many internet service companies about these sites and that it isn’t me. I have done all I could, other than the hassle of Civil Court, to protect my name. It is still a option for me and I am leaving it open….

The people who can help me, don’t want to look beneath the surface of this, as it is a mess. Like me, people have a hard time accepting that such cruelty exists, so don’t want to see it when it does happen. No one wants to accepts that Kory Read is lying to such extremes, as they don’t want to believe that someone can be that bad. Believe me, they can! Total cruelty does exist! 

I am angry too, with the system, and how difficult it is to get such negative content removed from the internet. It always ends up that the Target has to go to hell and back, to prove that you are being Bullied, when all you need to do is see the words written there and see for yourself. One company, I even had to send my copy of My ID to prove I was Stella Reddy and not associated with stellareddy.com! The acts of trying to commit fraud, because of the very personal info being shared online about me that they can use, is hard to deal with and I shouldn’t have to!

Most places are understanding, but Hosting companies? Not so much. They want you to get a Court Order stating that the content is malicious and nasty, when they can see it for themselves. As long as they get their money, they don’t care what their customers content contains! Its okay, the more hosting companies I deal with, who refuse to enforce their own policies over “vulgar and malicious” content customers post so obviously, the less trust people will have in their services and they will be ignored.  I already know of a couple of people who cancelled their services with Hostinger!!

I don’t mind emailing them all the time, at some point they will do what the others did and delete their domains. Remember stellareddy.com alone has had 23 nameservers, as my complaints got them removed, and they moved to a new server and started all over again. They wanted a Court Order? I sent them all the Tribunal Orders and even the Divisional Court decision, it clearly states there was no racism and their eviction was based on the refusals of access they did. See what they do with that!

It is clear CyberBullying, yet no one will enforce their own policies over content like that. Why bother to post policies you won’t enforce? When did it become a person is guilty, just because someone says she is? I was denied a tribunal hearing, instead Kory & Allison Read made their own legal determinations, in stellareddy.com, and said to hell with fairness! Y

I sent another email to the Ministry of Justice with all the recent updates of these domains and their contents, and where they are these days. I email this Ministry every month, hoping one day soon, they will send me something I can use to help me! They have been changing some of the Laws, as of January 2022, but nothing I can use for Adults being Cyberbullied by other Adults.

I have anger still, but I also have Hope! I do have high hopes that someday, one of my emails will reach the right person and I will find help to get this stopped. I don’t care if they are charged, criminally, I just want the sites gone and stellareddy.com is registered in my name. Hey, maybe someday, Kory Read will get so fed up, he will quit on his own. I always live in HOPE!

Being Bullied to such extremes, causes untold emotions such a fear, confusion, sadness, a sense of unbelievability that this is happening, and a lot of pain. Pain of being a target of such vile missives as on stellareddy.com of their vicious speculations and personal determinations over me and my personal life, when they were never part of it to know anything. It is still so unbelievable to me to know that a tenant did a website in my personal name, let alone the content within it. I was truly flabbergasted!

It is hurtful and creates such a sense of loss, not only of the physical things you lose, like your job, friends, and family, but a sense of who you are. I lost myself and my self-esteem and value as another human being in the process of being bullied by Kory & Allison Read. It has been hard to get all that back and value MYSELF. I sat like a lump for way too long, feeling defeated and lost. Never again! I AM worth doing all I can to help myself get through this.

I never thought that a person could be as bloodthirsty for revenge, as Kory Read has shown. I had my blinders savagely removed by the cruel actions of another against me. Kory Read has shown me, that there are people out there who just do not care about anyone except themselves. He even shows he don’t care about his own family. He uses and abuses anyone to his own advantage.

Kory Read is a mean, cruel, abusive, unbelievable bastard for creating such a vicious smear campaign online in my personal name. He is a selfish man, who terrorizes women for his own personal pleasure and enjoys causing pain.

Kory Read is playing victim to circumstances he created with his lies, trying to Bully and intimidate me into compliance to his wishes, with his content on the domain he has in my name he stole to use. He had hopes that he could abuse me continually on these domains, hoping the spotlight would cause me to hide away and not defend myself. Kory Read thinks his vicious words of accusation would cause me to hide away in shame and embarrassment, but I refuse to do that. I have nothing to be ashamed and embarrassed over, I didn’t write that content, they did! It is only their personal suspicions, not facts.

The video alone I have, of Kory Read in the elevator, showing a pic of me on his cell phone to the camera, and my pic was all marked up with a beard and moustache, teasing me about my facial hair because I had Polycystic Ovary disease that caused unusual hair growth on my face. That video showed me so much about Kory Read mentality and immaturity. He is like a child on the playground, teasing others for being different…You can imagine the feeling I had, seeing that…. It shows how childish Kory Read really is! No wonder he isn’t working!

I am working on a new way forward, and articles like this help, that I read and absorb and actually do the things they recommend, any way possible for me to get through this, and out the other side, and remain whole.

I have to accept I have no control. Kory Read will do what Kory Read will do. As Cherie White posted this morning, I need to do the following and just “Let It Go“.  I know part of why these Bullies were so hostile, they resented me for having any power over anything to do with them, like entry to the apartment. They wanted full control over every aspect of the apartment they lived in, even to the point of when and how work was to be done.

  • 3. You must stop trying to figure out what made the bullies so hostile.
  • 6. You must stop asking, “why me.”

The rest of her list, I already did this past couple of years. I don’t do any of these things anymore, but I use too! I know I did nothing wrong and I have no need to apologize or explain myself, to anyone. I am entitled to my own life.

  • 1. You must stop over-apologizing.
  • 2. You must stop trying to explain yourself to anyone.
  • 4. You must stop wondering what you did wrong.
  • 5. You must stop wondering if something’s wrong with you.

That also helps with the why me, but I truly do not understand how someone can lie so outrageously about another. He said such outlandish allegations, and sat back waiting for other people, usually me, to dispute his words, yet it was his job to prove his claims, not mine to dispute it. It was really screwed up, just as a Narcissist like Kory Read intends it to be!

I guess the fact it is all so unbelievable, it just can’t compute in your head, that it get passed over and ignored by so many.

People think, “Nah, no one can be that fucked up, can they, to make such outrageous accusations against another person, like Kory & Allison Read have done in these domains they own, like stellareddy.com?” You see crap like that, and it just blows your mind! You have a hard time comprehending it, just like I do, but I need to stop trying!  I am just very thankful I can’t think like they do and that is why I will never understand!

Anger for me was a fight-or-flight emotion and a indicator I need to find a new way forward. I am trying really hard to explore the true feelings underneath so I can get a better understanding, an have greater compassion, for myself and others.

I have to do these things, for myself. I want to be better, think better, and react better, to any challenge like wants to throw at me, especially react better to being smeared online that I can’t control! 

I will add these things to my daily habits, anything I can use to help me move past my anger, I will try! I am worth it!!

  • 1. Even if your bullies rationalize and justify their behavior, you won’t take their crap.
  • 2. Even if they blame you for their despicable behavior, you won’t take it.
  • 3. Even if they tell you that you’re crazy or mentally imbalanced, you won’t take it.
  • 4. Even if they call you a bitch, an asshole, or any other degrading name, you won’t take it.
  • 5. Even if you made a mistake and your bullies call it out in an abusive manner, you won’t take it.
  • 6. And, for the love of Pete! If the bullies commit physical violence, you definitely won’t take that! Get the police involved, file charges, and sue for any damages! Or, put up those dukes and throw down if you need to!

A new way forward

Anger is a fight-or-flight emotion and an indicator that you need to find a new way forward. Learning to lift the blanket emotion of anger and explore the true feelings beneath will lead to a better understanding of, and greater compassion for, yourself and others. When you explore what lies beneath anger, you improve communication with yourself. This, in turn, leads to better and more authentic interactions with others.

What to do when anger shows up

  • Step back, rather than act out in anger.
  • Take a time out to allow feelings of anger to decrease.
  • Use the anger funnel to explore underlying primary emotions like sadness, disappointment, or fear that triggered your anger.
  • Acknowledge the true feelings beneath your anger.
  • Take steps to tackle the problematic situations in your life.
  • Seek help from a mental health professional if you find your anger is out of control.

 


https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/deeper-wellness/202206/understanding-and-processing-anger

Looking beneath the “blanket” of anger can lead to deeper understanding.

KEY POINTS

  • An estimated 90 percent of aggressive incidents are preceded by anger.
  • Anger is largely perceived as a secondary emotion.
  • Anger shows up when a person feels the need to defend themselves. It’s a sign that something needs attention. 

Learning to look beneath the “blanket” of anger can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves, and more compassionate, authentic interactions with the people in our lives.

Anger is an emotion we’re all familiar with. We’ve all been disappointed and hurt, and felt used, threatened, or let down. When anger shows up, we experience physical symptoms, like muscle tension, a knot in the stomach, and a sudden racing heartbeat. Anger never feels good, and it often leads to unpleasant interactions with others, with damaging negative consequences. Anger is a negative emotion, like jealousy, hate, and sometimes sadness. Anger can be explosive, violent, and destructive.

There’s a Chinese proverb that cautions against acting out in anger: If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. Wise words… but as anyone who has ever experienced anger knows, dealing patiently when feeling angry is easier said than done. What are we talking about when we talk about anger? Is it possible to control anger while standing up for ourselves when we’re feeling threatened or hurt in some way?

A secondhand emotion

Most of us have at least one regret about acting out in anger. And most of us would love to know how to better handle ourselves and our interactions with others when we’re angry. Let’s look at exactly what we’re dealing with: The American Psychological Association defines anger as “a negative feeling state that is typically associated with hostile thoughts, physiological arousal, and maladaptive behaviours.” Further, their research shows that “about 90 percent of aggressive incidents are preceded by anger.” Anger is widely recognized by mental health professionals as a secondary — what I refer to as a “blanket” — emotion.

Funneling anger

Anger shows up when we feel the need to defend ourselves. It’s a sign that something is wrong and needs our attention and consideration. Neither acting out in anger nor holding it in produces a desirable result. Anger demands our attention, as it buries our more authentic primary emotions, and prevents us from seeing ourselves and our situation clearly, and understanding what is happening within ourselves.

In my 25 years as a clinical psychologist, I have successfully used the Anger Funnel to help patients better understand and process their anger and relate to others in a more positive, authentic, and effective way.

With the Anger Funnel, the process of understanding and processing anger is less difficult. Learning to lift the blanket emotion of anger and explore our true feelings leads us to a better understanding of and greater compassion for ourselves, and healthier, more positive, effective, and authentic interactions with others.

Here’s an illustration of the Anger Funnel from my book, A Deeper Wellness:

 A Deeper Wellness, Conquering Stress, Mood, Anxiety, and Traumas, @2022 by Dr. Monica Vermani, C. Psych
Here’s an illustration of the Anger Funnel from my book, A Deeper Wellness
Source: Source: A Deeper Wellness, Conquering Stress, Mood, Anxiety, and Traumas, @2022 by Dr. Monica Vermani, C. Psych

Step One: Think of a situation in your past that made you feel angry; a time where you acted out in anger or suppressed your anger and failed to stand up for yourself.

Step Two: Take a moment to remember that anger is a secondhand, blanket emotion that stems from primary emotions, such as sadness, feeling abandoned, betrayed, unsafe, lonely, scared, or taken advantage of. Think about what contributed to your feelings of anger in that situation.

Step Three: Using the example of that situation, place the primary emotions that led to feelings of anger at the top of the Anger Funnel. Imagine these feelings trickling down the funnel and eventually pouring out the bottom as anger.

Step Four: Imagine — and write down, if you wish — how you might have processed your anger had you been able to better examine, understand, and communicate your feelings and concerns, rather than act out or suppress your anger.

Step Five: Put the funnel to work. The next time you’re angry with someone, take a moment to think about the feelings that have led to feeling angry. Have compassion for yourself and how you are feeling. Take the time to consider how best to resolve whatever is causing you to feel unsafe, threatened, or insecure. With these insights, respond compassionately, rather than reacting in anger.

A new way forward

Anger is a fight-or-flight emotion and an indicator that you need to find a new way forward. Learning to lift the blanket emotion of anger and explore the true feelings beneath will lead to a better understanding of, and greater compassion for, yourself and others. When you explore what lies beneath anger, you improve communication with yourself. This, in turn, leads to better and more authentic interactions with others.

What to do when anger shows up

  • Step back, rather than act out in anger.
  • Take a time out to allow feelings of anger to decrease.
  • Use the anger funnel to explore underlying primary emotions like sadness, disappointment, or fear that triggered your anger.
  • Acknowledge the true feelings beneath your anger.
  • Take steps to tackle the problematic situations in your life.
  • Seek help from a mental health professional if you find your anger is out of control.

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