Trials of Being Cyberbullied

I Give Back

I have spent the past few days doing research and found this new article I wanted to share from April 15, 2022 about Cyberbullying that I found interesting.

Never be ashamed of being Cyberbullied and never feel ashamed to TALK about it, to anyone you can. If you allow SHAME to hold you back from speaking up, the feeling will build up so much over time you become so mired in it you can’t get out. You don’t want to feel hopeless, it isn’t a good thing to experience. Every time I opened my mouth, or started my own website, I was shamed so badly over it and told to “stay quiet” even to “shut up” once for speaking up against the abuse by those around me, family included.

You can see the posts made by these Bullies on stellareddy.com, especially in the last few and I wrote about shame before. I did my own thing in the end, as no one else was going to look after my mental health, just me!

It says that people who write anonymously are more likely to behave cruelly when their identity is concealed, that their hurtful words can spread far and wide, and the cruelty will never be erased, no matter how hard you try, there will always be something left behind. 

All the research I did the past few years since Adult Tenant Bullies made their first Domain, 859kennedyroad.com on Nov 2, 2017 has shown me this is all true, I have seen it with my own eyes.

As long as Kory & Allison Read felt their identities were protected by the “administrator”  on their posts, they were able to say what they wanted with impunity. Their cruelty knew no end to be honest, with the insults and name-calling they do of me, even as recent as March 2022! Any way possible to hide their identities, they did online and use a privacy service. I have the same service, but I still show my name! Why hide your identity, if you have nothing to hide?

Since November 2, 2017, their hurtful words about Stella Reddy have been spread far and wide across the internet with FaceBook and other social media. Do a search of my name and see for yourself, tho nowadays the earliest results are my own site. I have shared in previous posts the many places I found my name online being associated with that site, stellareddy.com and the others, including the FaceBook posts & poll’s they did.

When I started seeing for myself how searches still bring up old deleted domains, (even when these domains were offline in the past, it would still show up in search), I decided I was better off saving ALL of it. I decided to take advantage of that to ensure the Adult Tenant Bullies couldn’t “alter” their contents like they did in the past, to reflect new lies they could make up. It was a great way to make sure they couldn’t change anything! I wanted to box them in, as it were, with the words they had already written. I took away their opportunity to make more false allegations against me.

If my name was going to be on the internet by a total stranger, a tenant at that, I was going to ensure that the internet will know who put it there, and why. I had to take back some control over what was in my name online! I also wanted to fill in the blanks left by their content and show info they refused to, as they caused their own eviction. If Kory & Allison Read were going to post contents online about me ANONYMOUSLY, I was going to expose their names. I refuse to allow them to hide. I refused to hide away from their lies and show myself, they should have the decency to do the same.

I have come to see that depending on your situation, Cyberbullying can backfire very specularily on the Bullies! Depending on their accusations, over time people can see these for the lies they are. I was lucky in this regard. 

Kory & Allison Read made accusations against me of racism in August 2016. They accuse me of “targeting” them for eviction because I don’t like interracial couples, and I altered documents and created lies that got them evicted and that other people and agencies, were in cahoots with me to do that.  They were hoping someone else from my past would show up… lol No one ever did and never will.

Ever since this allegations came online November 2, 2017 NOT ONE person contacted Kory & Allison Read in support of their claims from my past, tho they did look! Not ONE PERSON from my past, no previous tenants, no previous co-workers, no one, will ever come out of the woodwork to make similar claims against me, because there is nothing there!

As I have no history of the behaviour these Adult tenant Bullies made against me, and nothing has come out since they made these claims, people are finally seeing the truth, I am not the person Kory & Allison Read says I am and I didn’t do anything they claim I did, to them nor to anyone else.  

Time has shown the truth of my Smear Campaign and Cyberbullying! I sit here in NL today, finally free from any interference, because I have become confident in knowing I will always be safe from these Adult Tenant Bullies.  I finally now know there is nothing they can say or do to me anymore. Yes, that is important to me and it should be. Feeling safe in your environment is very important to me these days.

I have a right to expose the people who are Bullying me online in a domain in my own personal name, where they share their nasty speculations on my personal and professional life, from over 5 years ago. Everyone has that right. Sitting back and allowing them to continue, will only let them think they can. Use your truth to drown out their lies!

In the past year, creating my own website filled with my story, has helped me no end. I came to understand so much about myself especially and know what I can and cannot tolerate. Learning to set my boundaries has been an experience! I am still learning that one!

When I started this site last year, it was out of anger for the email they sent me but it has since evolved to ensuring my name is being protected from their frauds online. Yes, I was looking for attention to my plight of being Bullied so severely by tenants trying to hide their names and actions. That is the point of doing a website, isn’t it? To get attention for the story you want to tell?

I am all for people doing domains, and writing stories online, but not the way they did it. If Kory Read wanted to do a site filled with his personal opinions, no problem, as long as he says that is what they are and shows his name. But to write anonymously about someone else it is clear he is lying about? I guess that’s why this term came about in the first place, because of people like Kory & Allison Read who do what they do online!

We all know the terrible effects of Cyberbullying on a person. My site is filled with all I went through! The depression, the anxiety, the FEAR, the C-PTSD and its many symptoms. I will maintain my symptoms for the rest of my life and I am okay with that. I prefer to maintain them, then give in to them. Getting off the negativity wheel isn’t easy, but with time and determination, it can be done. I did it. Learning about the traits I was being exposed too, also helped quite a bit. Recognizing these traits and what they can do to your mental health, is also important to minimize their effects.

The most important thing I learned? Don’t take what they do, personally. They are hateful and angry and will do anything to take the focus off them and what they do and put it on you! Don’t let them. Be consistent in your story, show the facts, and in time, common sense kicks in and it is seen! No matter how many domains I had in the past, they all had a consistent theme and I will never change that, as I have no need. Facts don’t change and will always be accepted over personal stories.

Everything ends, it’s a given. In the meantime, spread your story of being Cyberbullied. Stand your ground and don’t hide away.  Once people see you are not hiding with your tail between your legs out of shame and embarrassment for their words online about you, they come to see the truth of it all.

 I will never hide, as I have nothing to hide from. 


 

https://www.wellandgood.com/cyberbullying-vs-bullying/

According to psychologist Kyler Shumway, PsyD, there are three essential differences separating cyberbullying and IRL bullying:

  1. The presence of the bully
  2. How fast and far information can spread
  3. The quality (and quantity) of the content being shared

“Cyberbullying offers a chance to be aggressive from a safe, anonymous distance,” he says, citing an increasing body of research that indicates people are more likely to behave cruelly when their identity is concealed. One 2014 study, for example, compared non-anonymous and anonymous comments on online newspaper stories and found that nearly 54 percent of anonymous comments included language considered vulgar, racist, hateful, or profane. Only about 29 percent of non-anonymous comments fell under one of these four “uncivil” categories, by contrast.

For a more recent example of the possible relationship between anonymity and cyberbullying, take the April 6 report by the Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH) outlining Instagram’s failure to act on abusive direct messages sent using the app. The report looked into the Instagram DMs of five public figures, and found that one in 15 of the 8,717 total direct messages analyzed violated the social media app’s abuse and harassment rules. Before the era of social media, people would not have had such easy access to just anyone. And even if they did, anonymity would be harder to achieve in personal interactions, ostensibly lowering rates of hateful or otherwise abusive sentiments shared.

Another influential factor that separates digital from analog bullying is how rapidly and widely harmful language can spread, adds Dr. Shumway. “Cyberbullying sometimes utilizes technology in ways that amplify the effect of social bullying. In the pre-internet era, if someone called you a name or spread rumors about you, those things could only be shared to those in close proximity. But now, you can post mean, hurtful things for the world to see,” he says.

For another Instagram-based example, consider the case of a 15-year-old student named Yael. In 2018, The Atlantic outlined her experience of amplified bullying online by an ex friend. “She unfollowed me, blocked me, unblocked me, then messaged me days on end, paragraphs,” said Yael. “She posted about me constantly on her account, mentioned me in her Story, and messaged me over and over again for weeks.” Without the online platform, the abusive messages likely would have been contained to a small social group rather than available for anyone with an account to see.

Furthermore, cyberbullying often leaves a record trail that never erases, thanks to internet’s digital permanence. (That is, even if someone deletes something harmful, there’s likely a record.) “One of the big issues with cyberbullying is that it doesn’t end,” says Georgia-based child and adolescent therapist Lisa Ibekwe, LCSW. “Unlike traditional bullying, kids can get away from it when they leave the space, but cyberbullying follows you wherever you go.”

And finally, cyberbullies have much more content to choose from in an era when almost everyone has a camera on their phone. “Now that we all have smartphones that can capture audio and video on the fly, we can catch people doing embarrassing, shameful things and show those to everyone in our network,” says Dr. Shumway. And the mental fallout from that quick and effortless spread can be catastrophic.

The mental toll of cyberbullying

Much of the research on bullying and cyberbullying is intertwined, and thus it’s hard to nail down the specific psychological differences between being bullied on your phone and being bullied in person. “All bullying causes harm to the survivor. The latest research tells us what we already know: Survivors often suffer symptoms of depression, such as reduced self-esteem, or thoughts of suicide or harming themselves,” says Dr. Shumway. “Additionally, many have reduced academic performancesubstance use, and even become aggressive towards their peers.”

Interestingly, bullying is also bad for the bullies themselves: Per the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, they may express more aggression, antisocial behaviors, and substance abuse as well. And, for what it’s worth, bystanders don’t get away unscathed, either. Research shows that they may experience increased anxiety and depression in the aftermath of the bullying.

Research on adult cyberbullying, specifically, suggests both the prevalence and devastating health outcomes are far from over when school ends. “The most likely victims of bullying are those who are different from those around them, whether in appearance, neurodiversity, or financial status,” says Dr. Shumway. “We also know that teens are much more likely to engage in cyberbullying, mostly due to access, and that teen girls may be at a particularly high risk compared to boys.” One study found that 38 percent of girls reported being cyberbullied, compared to 26 percent of boys. And a 2019 report focused on LGBTQ+ bullying found that youth who identified as lesbian, gay, or bi were 26.6 percent more likely to be cyberbullied than their straight-identifying peers.

What to do if you’re being bullied online

If someone is making you feel powerless online, Ibekwe says your first step should always be to tell someone. “If you are being bullied, we always recommend talking to someone. Sometimes people hold off because of the fear of embarrassment or retaliation from peers, but in actuality, many children who have attempted or even completed suicide have been bullied at some point in their lives,” she says. “Sharing what’s happening is nothing to be ashamed about.”

That said, there are a few other steps you can take to protect your mental well-being if someone is cyberbullying you.

  • Do not engage with “trolls”: “For those who don’t know what a ‘troll’ is, these are people who act as online antagonists that get a great deal of joy from generating angry responses from others. When in doubt, do not respond to someone who is cyberbullying you online, as this often makes things worse,” says Dr. Shumway.
  • Save the evidence: Take screenshots and record the behavior that’s coming your way. Some states will allow you to take legal action against the person bullying you if that’s an avenue you want to pursue.
  • Stick with your allies: “This will [help you] name the behavior as toxic or wrong without you engaging and risking making things worse. And, often others will join your friend in your defense. No one likes a bully,” says Dr. Shumway.
  • Law low online: Block, unfriend, or unfollow the person who’s hurting you and turn your attention to offline joys. “Do whatever you need to keep distance from those who are trying to harm you,” says Dr. Shumway.
  • Care for yourself: Ibekwe is a big advocate of using that time away from social media to journal, relax, or do whatever brings you peace in an unpeaceful time.

If you or someone you know is experiencing cyberbullying, English-speaking individuals can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Spanish-speaking people can call 1-888-628-9454.

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