I’ve learned firsthand how toxic people with narcissistic traits operate. They seem cowardly and selfish, always looking for ways to find fault in others. I learned it is used to deflect from their own behaviours.
No matter the relationship, they nitpick—proudly, aggressively—and nothing is off limits. They’ll take every aspect of who I am and dissect it with their own opinions and assumptions, even things they couldn’t possibly know about me.
If they can’t find a real flaw, they’ll invent one. That’s how trivial and convoluted their behaviour can become. The smallest details get blown out of proportion, and before I know it, I’m left wondering how something so minor could become such a big deal.
Reading their “Statement of Facts” was like a manual of how I “should have” done my job, at least, according to them. Every little thing I did, from how I delivered notices to how I wrote emails and even the notes I made by hand, was picked apart.
It was clear they felt superior, as if their way was the only right way. Even my personal life wasn’t spared from their judgments.
I realized that their constant criticism and judgments were just opinions—the lowest form of thought, not based on facts or evidence. Their words only had power if I let them.
For a while, I did. I gave their words too much power over my emotions. I felt such shame for getting caught up in their nasty drama. But when I released that shame, I also released the power their words had over me. I had to accept that this was done to me, not caused by me. KR & AR are responsible for their own choices.
Their “Statement of Facts” was full of nitpicking, especially around the handwritten notes I made on their Notices of Entry. They tried to imply that my notes were evidence of altering documents or lying. But all I saw were phrases like “it appears,” followed by wild speculation. There was never any real evidence.
Their narrative twisted and turned so much, it was hard to keep track. Every little mistake they claim I made was called out, not because they knew what they were talking about, but to make me feel bad. They hated being criticized themselves, which is why they criticized others so relentlessly. It was their way of trying to control the situation and the people around them.
They even complained about the notice period for entry, wanting 48 hours instead of the standard 24. I tried to accommodate them, but it was never enough. No matter what I did, they found a reason to refuse entry or complain.
I realized their constant fault-finding was about making themselves feel worthy and reinforcing their sense of entitlement. They’d go beyond me, criticizing my family, my relationships, my job, my health—everything was fair game. I have a video of KR in the elevator, making fun of my appearance, mocking my medical condition of polycystic ovary disease that caused facial hair. It was childish and cruel.
Chronic fault-finding comes from fear, selfishness, insecurity, and low emotional intelligence. They project their own faults onto others, making you the liar, the problem. But I know now that the fault wasn’t with me. It was about what they chose to project onto me.
Looking back, their “Statement of Facts” was just a long list of complaints and nitpicking, not real violations of human rights. They even picked on the use of an “s” in the word “key.” That’s how petty they were.
Why does Alto Properties Inc. employee Stella Reddy on August 30, 2016, after being 2 1/2 hours late, state the word “ keys ”. And 4 days later state “ key ”?
They wanted special treatment—hand-delivered notices, the ability to pick dates for entry, and immediate phone calls as soon as I knew something. But I wasn’t obligated to follow their every suggestion; they weren’t my boss. Their opinions about how I did my job didn’t count, no matter how loudly they voiced them.
Now that my strong emotions have settled, I can laugh at how ridiculous it all seems. I realize now that they thought they knew everything, not just about me, but about how I should do my job, handle conflict, and even what the HRTO should be focusing on. I see this pattern not only in my own experience but in the stories shared by others who have faced similar toxic dynamics.
I’ve learned that healing from complex trauma isn’t about ignoring the pain, but about reclaiming my own truth and finding humour in the absurdity of those who try to control or belittle me. I recognize now how people who spread negativity often act as if they have all the answers, even when their advice is unsolicited, irrelevant, or just plain wrong.
I’ve come to understand that the loudest critics are usually the ones with the least self-awareness—those who project their own insecurities onto others, insisting they’re just “helping” or “setting the record straight.”
I find it both amusing and freeing to realize that these individuals often script elaborate narratives about what I should do, how I should feel, and even what I should think. I see now how they nitpick every detail, twist my words, and rewrite history to fit their version of events. But in the end, none of it really holds up. I see how their arguments crumble under the slightest scrutiny, and how their attempts to shame or control me become laughable.
Looking back, I realize how much energy I wasted worrying about their opinions. The more I read about healing and empowerment, the more I understand that true strength comes from trusting myself, setting boundaries, and refusing to let others dictate my worth. Now, I can laugh at the absurdity of it all, knowing that their drama was never about me—it was about them, and their own unresolved issues.
I find comfort in knowing that I’m not alone. I see a whole community out there, healing from similar experiences and learning to rise above the noise. And that, more than anything, is what makes the whole ordeal feel not just survivable, but something I can look back on with a smile.
This experience has made me stronger and more determined to live my life based on my own needs, not on the criticisms and judgments of people who have no real place in it.
While this situation is now part of my history, the lessons I learned about toxic traits and the people who show them will stay with me.