I found this article back in August 2019 and used the tips noted here to help me begin healing my emotional wounds from being bullied by Adults in the workplace. I printed it off and had it taped to the wall by my desk, within view, for easy reference.
There were so many good things occurring at this time in my life, and I was more than ready to start healing. Hubby and I had spent a weekend in Niagara Falls in July 2019 for some fun and we came to NL for a vacation in Aug. Once I was notified in mid-August 2019 that the hearing was scheduled with HRTO in January, I was on my way to freeing my mind of all the fear and uncertainty I had lived with for so long!
Most notably, I was gaining a need to engage with my world again but needed help doing that on top of the counselling I was getting at the time. I was learning so much about toxic traits and narcissism that it was also helping me ease all the uncertainty I was feeling. Learning about all that I was experiencing was such an important step for me.
My nightmare with legal processes was coming to an end with the Hearing scheduled for January 17, 2020, with the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario (HRTO). Once this day came in 2020, all of my uncertainty would be gone, as I knew in my heart the applications would be dismissed and I no longer would be tied to Ontario and that property and could leave at any time! You can’t process an HRTO application that is based on hearsay alone, especially just the hearsay of the applicants!
The first one, “take baby steps” is important and celebrating each small step will help you feel like you are making progress. Every time I fought my fear and went out of my apartment, I did a little dance of celebration! The more I did to fight the anxiety and fear, the better I felt.
Once I moved to NL in Sept 2020, I spent many days sitting in my emotions, learning about why I have them and how to process them and let them go. I did a lot of thinking, reading, and processing over the past 3 years. I also did a lot of crying and found that helped as well.
Be honest with yourself, realize your own mistakes and forgive yourself for not knowing a better way at the time, it will go a long way in your recovery. You have nothing to be ashamed of and no one has a right to judge you either. You feel what you feel.
There will be times that your anger and resentment will get in the way and you will feel bitter about the whole thing, but don’t let it last, it isn’t good for you. Learn to release those feelings as they come up and take the time you need to get back to a mindful state. No one has power over you and your emotions unless you give it to them. Don’t give it to them!
Over time, the more you do for your own well-being, the better you will feel. Remember, it is your life to live, not anyone else’s.
- Take baby steps. Trying to make too many changes all at once can backfire. You may become overwhelmed or feel like a failure if you set unrealistic expectations. And dramatic changes are often unsustainable. Making micro-changes small, manageable, incremental changes create feelings of success, hope, and encouragement that are important to carry you through your healing process. You can learn more about making micro-changes here.
- Remember that you don’t have to heal 100% to improve the quality of your life. Many people mistakenly believe that emotional healing is all-or-nothing. Again, this belief can be discouraging and overwhelming. But most importantly, it’s not accurate. Any modest amount of healing will improve the quality of your life. Take it one step at a time and you will notice small improvements in your mood, ability to cope with triggers, relationships, self-esteem, and ability to complete your daily activities.
- Be patient and persistent. Healing is a lot of work. We need to be patient and allow for the time needed to gain new insights and skills. And we need to be persistent and keep going even when it gets difficult, be willing to try new approaches and challenge ourselves in new ways.
- Set realistic expectations. I’m a big believer in the importance of setting realistic expectations. When we don’t, we end up disappointed and frustrated often at ourselves, which doesn’t help us heal. One of the most common unrealistic expectations that I see is expecting progress to be consistently forward. Nobody just gets stronger and stronger, healthier and healthier. Progress is more likely to be two steps forward and one step backward. And, honestly, don’t be surprised if sometimes it’s two steps backward and one step forward. This isn’t a failure, it’s a reality. And realistic expectations coupled with patience, persistence, and self-compassion will lead to forward progress, it just may include a few detours and be slower than you’d like.
- View setbacks as part of the process and learning opportunities. Not only are setbacks normal, but they’re also often, we learn more from what doesn’t work than what does. So, instead of trying to avoid setbacks or relapses, accept that they are part of the process and challenge yourself to be curious about what you can learn that will help you move forward and toward greater healing and self-love.
- Prioritize self-care and self-compassion. When you ask a lot of yourself, you need to give a lot to yourself. And working on emotional healing takes an awful lot of energy, time, and sometimes money. In order to keep going, you need to really pay attention to your feelings and the physical sensations in your body (such as tight muscles, headaches, fatigue, etc.) because these are your body’s way of telling you what it needs. Take the extra time to listen and take good care of yourself.
- Be willing to process your feelings about the past. Trying to avoid what happened in your past doesn’t work. Those feelings tend to stick around, sometimes lying dormant or numbed for a while, but they eventually burst back into our consciousness with a vengeance. This is why therapists so often talk about needing to feel your feelings. We need to feel them and give them space before they lose their power over us and truly become part of the past. You can slowly work on sitting quietly, allowing your feelings to surface, naming them, and exploring what they’re about. For many people, this is quite challenging and working with a therapist can be helpful.
- Ask for help. Healing isn’t meant to be done in isolation. It isn’t easy to ask for help, especially if people have betrayed you in the past. But reaching out for help has so many benefits emotional support, guidance, and the ability to break down shame. And help can take many different forms depending on your needs, so I hope you’ll look at it as another form of self-care and ask for the kind of help that best meets your needs.
If you feel discouraged, a guided meditation or mantra can help you shift your thoughts towards a more hopeful, positive outlook. You can experiment with the short healing meditation I’ve written below or try creating one that’s specific to your own challenges and needs.
- Emotional healing is possible.
- I am learning to take it one day at a time.
- I will remember that it’s not a race to the finish line.
- I will be patient with myself and continue to take small steps forward.
- And when I have a setback, I’ll use it as an opportunity to learn more about myself and how to heal my emotional wounds.
- Emotional healing is a lot of work, so I will treat myself with loving care and remember to replenish my physical and emotional energy.
- I will try to slow down and feel my feelings.
- I will seek help from trusted people who can give me guidance, encouragement, and love along this journey.
- I am healing one day at a time.
- I am learning to trust myself and speak my truth.
- I am learning to embrace my true self, imperfections and all.
- I am learning to let go of what other people think and to honor what I think and feel.
- I am learning about my interests, priorities, and values.
- I am learning to make time for rest, fun, and pursuing my own goals.
- I am learning to put myself on my to-do list.
- I am learning to be ME.
- I am healing one day at a time.