RePost: The Positives Of Mental Health Recovery!

July 7, 2023

You were never created to live depressed, defeated, guilty, condemned, ashamed or unworthy. You were created to be victorious.

I wrote this post on May 12, 2021, just a month after I created this website, as I wanted to focus on the Positives I was seeing that I gained from this experience. Hard to believe it has been over 2 years!

It was the first time I felt positive in a long time and I wanted to express it.

When I first started this website, its purpose was to expose the Toxic Tenants I had who became Adult Bullies of me and my family and share their websites and the nasty narratives within them. I wanted to show their names as they did mine.

This is different from the domain of I had in the past for 6 months, that was just plain revenge on my part, turning the tables on these people and showing how easy it was to get a domain in their name and write about them too! You saw their response to that… Not My Responsibility I was angry…

I was defending myself by putting my truth as I saw it, also on the internet to be found with their websites if anyone did search for my name as they implied people were doing. I was also making it fair… They were plastering my personal name all over the internet as Anonymous Administrator for 2 years already, so why not? I wanted people to know who the Anonymous writers were and what their actions were doing to me and my life.

I was also putting myself out there into the World as I refused to hide anymore for something I didn’t do. If anyone wanted to comment to me about the narratives they had online, here I am!

I opened up my Facebook to the Public for the same reason when I saw online last year. I won’t hide away anymore when I have no reason to do so!

I was tired of living in fear and if there were people actually out there talking to these Tenants about me, now they can talk to me directly instead. I guess no one was talking to them as they claimed as I got nothing…

I was standing up and refusing to hide away from anyone who these Bullies were talking to about me, even over the internet. If someone had something to say, even express their “disgust” they could do it to me personally, not talk about me behind my back with these Toxic people I had as Tenants.

It didn’t hit me really that random people have no reason to search for my personal name in the first place... I was being manipulated into believing that millions of people were looking at their websites about me and accepting their narratives by the comments they made on their sites and the emails they sent to me during that time.

I got the impression from their words that they had a huge following on their many websites only to come to see they do not. I wouldn’t be surprised to know the only traffic they got to their many sites, was from me and people I sent to them!

These were the Gaslighting phrases…

It does not matter; the point here is that Stella Reddy is in a continuous losing battle because, in the end, everyone who searches her name from friends, family, or future or current employers and co-workers, will all see the truth about her and will deal with her accordingly.

This is something you have to consider when hiring her for employment, or even consider being her friend.

They were playing Judge, Jury, and Executioner. Claiming their narratives about me were “the truth” and they were enough to make people avoid me, and I believed it for a long time…That is the effect of Gaslighting!!

It took this website to show me it was all lies… Everything they claimed that other people have said to them about me, is a total lie, just like everything else they wrote! Where are all these “disgusted” people they claimed spoke to them about me?

Narcissistic Toxic Adults are full of hot air… Making claims that were not true to try and control my behaviour!

One of the biggest positives of all this mess I found myself in? I have regained my personal autonomy.

I am entitled to hold my own viewpoints, I am free to make my own choices and I can act according to my own personal values, beliefs and preferences. I no longer need to take any employer, or co-workers, into consideration when I say or do something I want to do as I am free of those obligations.

I do consider my family and friends’ feelings, but it doesn’t stop me from doing something that is important to me. Like this website…I have people who don’t understand my need to have it, and that is okay. They don’t need to read it if they don’t want to…

This site is for me and my own peace of mind, I don’t expect anyone else to understand that as they didn’t experience what I have. I am okay with that too!!

I have had quite a few positive experiences the past couple of years and I know there are a lot more in my future. Everything I have learned has helped me, taught me how to be a better human and how to communicate better.

This situation has shown me who I don’t want to be, and that is like the Toxic Adult Bullies I had and I am glad I am not like them!

I would rather admit my mistakes and take responsibility for them than keep blaming someone else. Yes, they started this mess with their lies and I perpetuated all of that through my reactions but I learn from my mistakes, they never will.

They just continued on to the next Targets, like the Vet of and the Public School they attack at Rather than take responsibility for what they do, they continue to blame others and claim they are being “forced” into making their websites…Will any person truly believe that they are being “forced” into making their websites?

Awe well time for me to focus on positive things! I do believe that eventually, someone somewhere will have the fortitude to take these people on in Civil Court and bankrupt them…I live in hope!

The Positives of Recovery!

As I have spent so long just writing about negativity I thought to write about my positives today, as there have also been quite a few.

The main thing was I got out, away from the area where I felt so much fear…This situation is now a part of history and a lesson I had to learn.

One of the things I learned all those years ago in therapy after the house fire I had and was diagnosed with PTSD, was that yes life can have a lot of negatives, but you can always find something good out of it. I was taught to find a positive after expressing a negative and it is something that has stuck with me. It works for me! I am still here!!

Yes, I was a target, (I refuse to think of myself as a victim) but I have ended up in a better physical space as a result and it is helping me recover better than anything else. The lack of fear I feel here is liberating for me! 

Releasing all the toxic shame placed on me by their actions and blame has also been a big relief!

It took a lot of courage to move during a pandemic but I did it and it went very smoothly as a result of all the planning I did, yep even the OCD helped! I had all paperwork needed and we got into the city here earlier than expected. Even the 14 days of self-isolation went smoothly due to the planning I did beforehand to get everything in place. OCD does help a lot with those things. 

I left Scarborough, the place of so much fear for me, and I now live in the middle of beautiful scenery that can’t help but make you feel good. I get up every morning, hearing the birds going outside my window, thinking about what I will see that day or who I will meet. It’s a beautiful feeling to not feel fear of going outside! I don’t hear constant traffic anymore, either and that is a big plus!

Yes, I did get a bit of OCD during all this but it has benefited me greatly as I am now more organized! I make sure that everything is in place that I need to feel comfortable and I have no issue with that. Would you?

Since moving here, I have also come to see that new people I meet have no interest in reading the opinions of an anonymous stranger online. Believe me, I asked! I don’t talk about this situation anymore, there is no need. I did in the beginning, but since so many people told me they didn’t care to read those sites, I no longer ask. The people in my life accept me as I am.

My husband has been my strongest supporter in all this and has been by my side even when at times I tried to drive him away, as I felt so useless and hopeless. He has had a hard time understanding how I feel, but he tries and he is STILL HERE! He shows his love and support for me every day and has never pressured me to be what he wanted, just accepts me as I am. He also knows that I will get better and has seen the evidence of it for himself. I smile more, I laugh more and I GO OUT a lot more. I am out meeting people, doing things, and experiencing life! Life is for living!

I love being retired. I miss some of my careers at times, mostly the outcomes I used to get from getting a property on track and organized with unit maintenance and building repairs, but I don’t miss the bullying I used to get from tenants. I get to sleep in, stay up late, go out if I want, and stay home if I want. I have NO PRESSURE to do anything anymore. I am comfortable in knowing I can plan my day how I see fit. I have no one to answer to, as not even my hubby minds what I do for myself to feel good.

Take yesterday… I left here in the am and took off exploring and never got home till almost 6 pm and came home to dinner cooked and asked if I had fun… How can you get any better than that?

Sure, we are not rich, but money has never been all that important to me. You see, I grew up with money that bought all the best you could buy and found it didn’t make me happy. My childhood and teen years were all about keeping up with the Jones, which is my maiden name, funnily enough. It isn’t living when you only worry about having the best things…

I also learned a big lesson about possessions when I lost everything I had in that fireThey don’t make you, you. I learned not to care too much about things, as they could break and be replaced… people cannot, and mental health cannot… It is the intangible things that are the most important to me and always have been. Getting a hug is always better than anything else…

So, yes we are not rich, but we are comfortable. Our bills are paid every month, in full. We have no credit cards, and no loans, as we live within our means. We even got to enjoy some of the finer things, like new furniture when we moved here! I have no debt and am very proud of that fact. I can come and go, and even enjoy a night out once in a while. What more could I ask for?

I am happy to be where I am now and I am happy where I am in my recovery. I have gained a lot of positives! Writing it all out here on these pages has also helped me a great deal! My research has helped so much to put it all in perspective.

These are just a few of the positives I have now, I have way more, and I know it will only get better in time. My self-esteem is growing, and my self-confidence in myself as another individual is also growing. I deserve to have a good life and to live without fear that Toxic Adult Bullies tries to put in me with his words and threats online. I am making new friends, learning to let go of distrust and being myself around others. I am beginning to believe in myself once again and you have no idea how important that is to me.

My most positive outlook now? What anyone says about me does not define who I am. I have gained quite a bit of freedom, as I no longer have to worry about the reactions of others or about their opinions. I live my life for me and to hell with what anyone else has to say about it!

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