The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is…Don’t let anyone make you cruel. No matter how badly you want to give the world a taste of their own bitter medicine. It is never worth losing yourself.
Throughout my life, I have encountered numerous situations where I faced cruelty from others. Whether it was a harsh comment, an act of betrayal, or intentional hurtful behaviour, I often found myself yearning to retaliate in the same manner. It seemed like a tempting option, a chance to show them the pain they caused me.
But as time went on, I realized that resorting to cruelty would only perpetuate a vicious cycle, dragging me down into a dark abyss from which it becomes incredibly difficult to escape. It took me a long time to release my desire to do to the toxic tenants what they did to me: expose their names and actions online for the world to see.
When someone inflicts pain upon us, it is natural to feel anger and resentment. We want to defend ourselves and ensure that the person responsible will experience the same suffering they caused. Revenge may even temporarily satisfy our wounded egos. However, allowing ourselves to become cruel in return is a grave mistake. I came to see that revenge alters our character, tarnishes our values, and robs us of our empathy and compassion.
For some time, I found myself consumed by vengeful thoughts, which led me to create a domain in 2018 called mytruthoftenantbullies.com. I held onto this domain for six months, but there was another one that came later in 2019 that caused quite a stir. It bore the title with his name, and it angered them greatly. I intended to expose and condemn their actions just as they had done to me. The overwhelming anger I felt towards their unjust treatment of me and their disregard for my reputation became all-encompassing. I became someone I was not.
In the heat of the moment, it is easy to forget who we truly are. We may lose sight of our inherent goodness, and our ability to treat others with kindness and understanding. The anger blinds us and wraps us in a suffocating cloud, clouding our judgment and impairing our ability to act rationally. We may think that by becoming cruel, we will regain our power and regain control of the situation. But in reality, we are surrendering that power to the very person who hurt us, allowing them to influence our behaviour and dictate our actions.
I have witnessed the corrosive effects of cruelty firsthand, not only on others but also on myself from the contents of stellareddy.com. There was a time when I allowed toxic tenants’ hurtful words to worm their way into my soul, poisoning my self-esteem and infecting my perspective on life. Their cruelty seeped into my relationships with others, making me defensive and quick to lash out. Slowly but surely, I started to lose myself in that toxic mindset. I became someone I didn’t recognize, someone who was far from the kind-hearted person I always aspired to be.
It was during this challenging period that I realized the immense importance of holding on to my core values and principles. No matter how tempting it may be to stoop down to the level of those who have hurt us, it is crucial to remind ourselves of who we truly are and what we stand for. Kindness, empathy, and understanding should never be compromised, regardless of the circumstances. These qualities define us and guide us toward a path of personal growth and happiness.
Choosing not to let cruelty define us is a powerful act of self-preservation. By refusing to mirror the behaviour of others, we demonstrate immense strength and resilience. Instead of allowing their actions to consume us, we can rise above the hurt and choose a different path—one that aligns with our values and promotes healing, both for ourselves and for those around us.
One powerful tool in avoiding bitterness and cruelty is the practice of forgiveness, especially of ourselves. It is an arduous process that requires immense strength, but it can ultimately free us from the burden of holding grudges and carrying the weight of past pain.
Forgiving doesn’t mean condoning the actions of others or forgetting the pain they caused us. It means releasing ourselves from the chains of resentment and choosing to heal. It allows us to focus on our own growth and well-being rather than fixating on the negativity inflicted upon us.
Forgiveness is not something that happens overnight. It is a gradual journey that requires patience and self-reflection. It involves acknowledging our pain, allowing ourselves to experience and process the emotions associated with it, and eventually choosing to let go. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we forget, but rather that we no longer let the hurt dictate our actions and attitudes. I forgave myself for my nasty actions of revenge in the past, have learned from my mistakes, and am slowly working on forgiving the toxic tenants too.
In my own journey toward forgiveness, I learned that revenge often stems from insecurity and wounded pride. I thought that by inflicting the same pain on them, I could regain a sense of control. However, this is a false and fleeting sense of power. They don’t care, they enjoy the attention! True strength lies in rising above the darkness and choosing kindness despite the pain we have endured.
Moreover, it is essential to recognize that cruelty is often a reflection of the person inflicting it rather than a reflection of our own worth. Hurtful actions are often born out of someone else’s insecurities, fears, or unresolved personal issues. Instead of internalizing their cruelty and allowing it to taint our self-image, we should remind ourselves that their behaviour is a projection of their own struggles. Their actions do not define our worth or determine our potential for happiness and success, no matter the incendiary words being used.
It is equally important to remember that hurting someone who has hurt us does not lead to genuine satisfaction or long-term healing. Temporary satisfaction may arise from seeing someone else experience the pain they inflicted upon us, but it does not resolve the underlying pain we carry within ourselves. I have learned this for myself. Real healing comes from finding peace within and working towards our own personal growth and self-improvement.
The decision to refrain from cruelty also extends to how we engage with others on a daily basis. By making a conscious effort to treat others with kindness and empathy, we create a ripple effect that can positively impact those around us. Our actions influence others, and even the smallest act of compassion can brighten someone’s day and inspire them to spread kindness in turn.
Ultimately, choosing not to let anyone make us cruel is a testament to our strength, resilience, and unwavering commitment to our values. It is a commitment to ourselves, to our own personal growth, and to becoming the best versions of ourselves. By preserving our kindness and refusing to let bitterness consume us, we maintain our sense of identity and cultivate an environment of compassion and understanding.
As I noted, the most important lesson I have learned thus far is to never let anyone make me cruel. No matter how desperately my ego may want to exact revenge or experience a fleeting moment of superiority, it is not worth sacrificing my true self. In time, their actions will ruin their own lives.
In all honesty, the toxic tenants are not important enough for me to waste my time on anymore, all I am interested in is their continued behaviour with my name online on stellareddy.com. Once again they are nameless, faceless past tenants whose malicious behaviour stands out. Once you focus on the behaviour you see it becomes easier to ignore the individual doing it!
Kindness, empathy, and compassion are the pillars that define my character and provide me with a sense of fulfillment and genuine happiness. By choosing not to let cruelty infiltrate my being, I maintain my integrity and create a positive impact on the world around me.
How would you prefer to live your life?