Stella Reddy’s Understanding of Influence of Personality in Bullying

Mental Illness

I am sharing a science article here that talks about personality traits of a target, or prepretrator, in workplace bullying and it makes a lot of sense to me. Facts are a comfort to me at times and facts like this only reinforces my beliefs. 

I couldn’t help my history with trauma and I felt no need to inform anyone that I had it either, as it really was none of their business. Only when it became obvious that the Bullies taunts and bullying was affecting me, did I tell my employers of my PTSD diagnoses and why I had it, as well as some other physical issues I had. 

My personal life, and personal issues, were not anyone’s business, really. Only when professional issues, like this, starting affecting my personal life, did I inform anyone of them. So, when I was given 35 days to respond to the Human Rights of Ontario applications against me in June 2018, I wrote in my response sent August 15 that I had PTSD, and the other health issues, and why, that my Bullies posted online in stellareddy.com and the other sites. I shared these things so HRTO was aware of my issues that were being traumatized once again by these tenant bullies actions. Yes, my issues deserved to be taken into consideration. It wasn’t a sympathy ploy, as implied by my Bullies, but honest facts of my life. Simple facts that occurred long before I moved into this building that were now being severely affected by someone else’s actions.

Why did these people not have a conscious once they knew what their actions were doing to me?

I truly thought that once my bullies became aware of all my mental and physical issues, they would have some empathy and back off, like normal people would. I’m not use to people being so mean and malicious, especially once they knew I had issues with PTSD. Common decency usually comes into play and I have no problem talking to people about any issues they may have with me, but I also expect them to respect my views and let me speak for myself. My journal highlights the confusion and pain I was feeling at the time of all this. It also shows my decline, just as the documents they shared online show as well as here. I no longer have any issues with that, it happened. I was a mess and I now need to manage it.

It was due to my previous issues that I responded the way I did. I was told by my doctor I was predisposed to experience trauma and my symptoms of PTSD were acting up. I was always hypervigilant, looking for danger to myself, mostly physical. I sometimes had negative thoughts and feelings that interfere with everyday functioning, such as self-blame and depression. I experienced feeling unsafe and always in danger, felt anxious and jittery, sometimes even irritated. I had feelings of panic that something terrible is about to happen, all the time. That knot of anxiety always in the pit of my stomach… I also had feelings of being emotionally cut off from others, feeling numb and lost interest in things that used to give pleasure, like working on computers and reading romance novels. I ended up with  social problems, including problems relating to others and getting along with spouse, family, and friends. It was only during this situation that I ever felt suicidal and I know it was because their words were so grounded in my head, I couldn’t get them out. I don’t know if that day of banging my head on the wall was really about suicide or about getting their words out of my head.  Either way, that day was a wake up call for me. 

I ended up feeling very isolated, and I now know it was mostly due to myself. I didn’t reach out, as I felt too much shame for bringing this mess into their lives. I was a target of Gaslighting and in my weakness, I gave into it and left everyone alone. I felt broken, hopeless, and useless.. 

I sat, quietly, for months in 2019, waiting for January 2020 and the summary hearing to come. By this point I was seeing my doctor all the time, so the counselling was helping me. I stopped responding, even to HRTO, as it didn’t really matter by this point, as I knew in my heart these tenant bullies wouldn’t show for any hearing. I had emailed the hosting company to be told there was nothing I could do, they were a free speech site. I emailed the Human Rights Commission to be told they couldn’t do anything either. I even filed a complaint over the HRTO process, as it seriously messed up my head having to see and read all their viteroil all the time and it was taking longer than their policies said it would. Nothing came out of any of my emails, not even to the Ministry of Justice, tho I was told they were in process of changing the rules on bullying and cyberbullying. Nothing came out of anything I did.

In the end, these tenant bullies didn’t show up for the hearing, claiming once again that I was given special treatment for doing a phone hearing, when it was a decision HRTO made. This was just a Summary Hearing, to determine if the tenants had evidence to prove their claims. The main hearing is usually held in person, but we hadn’t reached that point yet, and this Summary one was to determine if they had enough evidence to have one. They gave up and walked away, and as a result, it was all dismissed. 

I acknowledge that I didn’t react property to some of their taunts and bullying, and I also acknowledge that I wasn’t strong enough to fight the effects of their actions on my psyche. I was bullied and I reacted to the bullying. I am human with human reactions.

I have come to see that as a result of my reactions to this situation, that I still have work to do on myself and my emotional regulations. Managing my C-PTSD is a a daily process and getting rid of my anger is my last step.

Shocking, isn’t it? No matter what I said, these bullies believed the worst because they wanted too. 

In learning on narcissism and bullies, I see that they also attack from a place of insecurity. Upon re-reading most of the stuff I got from them, I can see their own issues coming out from within that I didn’t want to see before. Mostly, I see these tenant bullies striking out at people, out of desperation to hide their own insecurities, trying to hide their shame for being responsible for their family losing their home, and humiliation of it being so public at the LTB. I’ve said these things before, but never really let them sink in, till now. I see jealousies held by them over so many people, especially if someone got something they didn’t. I also see jealousies over me and my life within their comments.

I also see a lot of hate and resentment towards me that comes from the fact that I had control, in my job, in filing with the LTB for the hearing that got them evicted. They also resented the changes I was making in the property, as that is what they griped about the most.

They hated the lack of control over entry to the apartment and resented me for it, as I worked there and was determined to follow the rules. I didn’t care that the entry times were convenient to them or not, the work needed to be done and that was when the contractor could come. I wasn’t going to get into a fight over times with contractors, cause tenants wanted the consideration. When I try to be bossy with contractors over when they could come and do work in a occupied unit, cause the tenant wanted them there at certain times, I would lose contractors. Besides, that is why it isn’t required if a tenant was home or not. Most tenants work during the day and are not home anyway during business hours that contractors also work in.

What if both these tenants worked during the day? Would they expect a contractor to come after hours because they wanted to be home? They just were not reasonable. 

I have learned that changing how you look at something, changes your reactions to it, so I am working on trying to give them consideration, rather than anger. If I start looking at these bullies from a sympathy standpoint, feel sorry for them, it might dissolve my anger and I find it is working, slowly. I keep coming back to the conviction I have that they were deliberate in their actions, not doing anything out of fear or insecurities, so we will see how it goes.

It all takes time and I have all the time in the world to work on myself and become a better person, someone who lives in gratitude every day and who finds positives in life that keeps me going! I have so many good things now, way more than bad.

I am trying to flip the script from feeling anger over their actions, to trying to feel pity for them and what they did to themselves. Look at their life now, no one is online anymore out of fear of someone saying something to them, just like I lived with for so long.

I will work on it, not for their benefit, but for my own. Living with this anger is not good for me. It don’t take over my life like it did, but I still react badly to criticism and it is due to my anger I still have over being criticized so badly into non-exitance like I felt I was. I am taking my power back and no longer care what they want to criticize me for. Reading their words don’t even give me any emotional upset either so that is a bonus. 

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/ocp-ocp0000272.pdf

The Influence of Target Personality in the Development of Workplace Bullying

 

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