All of the Healthy Coping skills in the poster above are what I have been doing on a daily basis for the past year, and as a result of all of this, except for the meditation and yoga, I have reached the strength of mind I have today. It is all about Self-Care!
I read blogs, posters, and articles, and also get psychological help from a counsellor. I am helping myself to get to a better mental state by reinforcing my personal beliefs and building boundaries. I examine my feelings, find out about them and know what is valid and what is not. In the end, I am not a bad person, I just went thru some terrible things that screwed me up for a long time, but now I am healing.
In doing all this work, I am releasing myself of fear and all the pain I have felt over this terrible bullying of me online. I know now that I did nothing wrong and I have every right to speak up for myself. I have every right to shout out to the heavens all the bad things done to me, and in my name on the internet, and show how it affected my mind and my life. I have every right to life and everything that comes with it.
As Cherie White says, I am looking out for Number One, ME! Her insights are always so spot on, hey? Her posts the past few years have helped keep me sane and always gave me the courage to keep going and find a way to recover from it all! https://cheriewhite.blog/2022/04/12/self-care-means-looking-out-for-number-one/
I have come to see my actions these past few years, with this site and all the emailing to hosting companies, domain providers, and various internet services, like LinkedIn, as all about my self-care, and standing up for myself. With my own actions, I am protecting myself and my personal name on the internet.
I am telling the same internet where these sites are shared, that these actions are not acceptable to me, that they are using various tactics like gaslighting and manipulations of words, with word salad, to make me look like someone I am not, doing things I would never do.
I am well within my rights to do all I have done to protect myself. I may not always do it the right way, but the end result, the protection of my name, is all it is about. Showing the same world that I was severely Bullied and by who and how they are doing it, is my right to do. They brought up their bullying of me online, I shared my story of what they did and why online.
In speaking up, I am also showing the world I am not afraid of them and what they do, that I have nothing to fear, as I know who I am, not anonymous Bullies online. They may write about me, but it doesn’t mean they know me.
I actually did a little jig here in my office yesterday when I got notified by the service I use that the sites were now once again suspended by hosting companies. You have no idea how free I feel this morning knowing that their nasty sites are once again gone, except for the internet archive. I was surprised to see even their personal sites gone too! Every single site they had is gone offline, even PlayLearnHaveFun.com – Team Rhino – Never Let Good Enough Be Good Enough!!! The antsy feeling is once again gone from my skin.
They are still registered and still have a year left on stellareddy.com, but their damage to my mental state is less and less every time they come online in a different host. I am learning acceptance and with it, it gives me peace of mind. I know they will come back, but now it no longer matters. The damage to my psyche is no more!
The more these sites come and go, the less they bother me. All due to my education and change of thinking! I am accepting of their actions, as I know I have no control over what they do. But, I do have control over my name, Stella Reddy, and I do have some control over where it is being used by others out of spitefulness. I am allowed to complain about what they do with my name online and that is what I will keep doing, as long as they continue, so will I. As long as they are registered for use, they will keep going. The past 5 1/2 yrs have shown me that and all the moving of hosts too. They get suspended and it shows up somewhere else. Oh well!
Distraction and emotional awareness were the hardest out of all of them, in the beginning. Trying to distract myself from thinking about their nasty words as they were online, was hard. They tended to get stuck in my head, on repeat. Learning about the strong emotions that these thoughts brought out, was confusing at times, but I have come to see and accept them for what they are. I was so scared someone would believe their accusations and come and attack me. That feeling is all gone now!
The more I learn, the better I feel. The more people I talked to, the better I feel. The more I validate myself within my own site, the better I feel.
Stopping myself from checking the sites for new content, was also one of the most difficult things I did. It became a compulsion, checking for new content, and it was a hard one to break, but I did it! It took a few months, even after finding the services to check for me. But I managed to break that habit too! Determination and having such strong incentives are very helpful in this situation.
Mindfulness was the most important and helpful to me. Learning to stay in the moment, see what is around me and involve all my senses, took time. As I mentioned before, when I first moved here, I walked, a lot, looking at the ground and lost in my head. Until I broke my ankle a couple of months ago, I walked almost every day, no matter the weather!
I walked at first, looking at the ground and I would tell myself to look up. I had to remind myself to look up, look around me and take in what I see and hear. It took practice, but I do it naturally now. I look around me, take in everything and focus on all that, not my thoughts. I replaced the thoughts in my head to think about my surroundings, including the people within them. It became very helpful to me, to focus on the present, as I found it was helping me forget the past.
I kept telling myself the past is over and I need to take the lesson this situation taught me, and learn from it. I am still learning and I have no problem doing all I need to do to get back to myself and my own life. I am striving for total peace of mind and I know now I will achieve it. If doing things like this every single day for the rest of my life, helps me get that, I will do it.
I do all these things, as I know now I am worth it and more! So is everyone else! I deserve to have peace and so do you.