Stella Reddy: Target of Narcissism

Victims of Narcissism

The picture is so much clearer for me now after being out of the toxic environment for the past 1 1/2 years. I truly didn’t know the extent of the abuse I was put through until I got away from the environment it was done in. I created my safe space here in NL and I control who gets access to it.

I get to decide who I talk to and don’t. I decide who gets access to the life I have now. 

Once my body got to relax from being so hyper vigilant and feeling such fear, I was able to see more clearly the traits being shown and the actions being done. I was able to focus on my education on Narcissism, Triangulation, Gaslighting, and various others and know this is what I have been going through. I studied smear campaigns and noticed the websites and their content, fit that description. I read blogs, psychological articles, and still more counselling. I still do these things, every day.

With the writing of this site, I also create a place of safety for myself. With the telling of my story of being bullied so badly by Tenants of a property I worked and lived in, my sense of safety has been greatly increased. While my Bullies malicious opinions and implications are online, I also know my truth is there too. I don’t even care if it is being seen, I know it is there and that is what matters to me. You search for and my site shows up too. That is all that matters to me.

When you brain is so focused on extreme fear, nothing else gets through. I read so many blogs from 2018 till I left in 2020, and most of it didn’t register. It is only the past year that I was able to really focus on the words I am reading and get the meaning behind them. I do understand that my cognitive functions got interrupted while I was going thru this. The fear just took over my life and was all I could think about. The fear of these nasty malicious words online and the pictures I had of angry mobs coming kill me because of them. It didn’t matter if the allegations are true or not. It didn’t matter that their allegations were totally illogical to have occured, they were there and people were being instigated against me because of them.

I appreciate there is the internet, where all these domains filled with my degradation is accessible from anywhere, no one knows where I now live. My address is not plastered on this domain with a map making me easy to find and the pics they have, are now over 6 yrs old. If I get nasty emails or messages from anyone, I have control, as I can block them and never be bothered again. It is very easy to control access to yourself on the internet. 

I have no fear of anyone coming up to me out in public over the Adult Tenant Bullies sites. I have absolutely no concerns about being attacked here, by anyone. I have no concerns either about being questioned by those sites. The job I was offered back in September laid all those fears to rest! Some people living here have seen them and don’t care. Most people I have met, don’t even bother to look at them and don’t care to look. I am told it is now history and no longer matters to the here and now. So I accept their words, as it is history, as it is in the past and no longer relevant anymore.

The truth

As the poster above says, the contempt given to me, in person, and online within contents on websites, speaks for itself. I felt invisible and ignored and totally misunderstood. I have been shown total disrespect and was forced to put up with their mistreatment, with everyone’s mistreatment! I was expected to shut up and put up with it all, as these Adult Tenant Bullies instigated legal proceedings with Divisional Court on Appeal of their eviction, and the Human Rights applications, which overlapped but took from November 2017 till January 2020, when they ignored the HRTO hearing. That is a long time to be pushed down and degraded for my very existence!

I couldn’t see the dynamics of all of what the Adult Tenant Bullies did until I got away and started to finally feel SAFE! It was the sense of safety that I needed, so very badly. 

Since I started my education on what I endured, I came to see that a place you live does play a part in helping you feel safe, most of it comes from yourself.  I created the space, in my environment and with my story online in this site, for me to feel safe. I came home to NL, a place where I grew up and where I felt so very comfortable, as in my mind it was the safe place I needed. NL is a Island, surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean and these things make me feel safer from Adult Tenant Bullies. The main place though I had to create a sense of no fear, was in my mind. I have finally done that.

The fear is now gone. I feel empowered these days and know I will be okay. I look back on my life and see how much I have gone through and came out of it a stronger, better person, I will do it once again now. When I look back, there has never been a experience I have had that has taken me out for any length of time, I always come back.

Even today, 8 weeks after breaking my ankle in 2 places, I am up and walking again on my own and go for physiotherapy this afternoon. I managed to take this situation and thrive rather than be beaten down and give in. I am seeing a Orthopedic specialist in a couple of weeks and I know I have knee replacement surgery in my future,  and I know I will get thru that too and get back on my feet.

No matter what life wants to throw at me, I will manage as it is what I do. 

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