I am going to share some of my personal thoughts today over what I have learned the past few years about this nasty smear campaign online in my name.
It isn’t important anymore. These Bullies no longer have any control over any of my emotions.
They lost all control over me when they ignored the hearing with HRTO in January 2020 and I was shown once and for all what liars and cowards they are. Since then, I have been rebuilding my self-esteem so that this will never happen to me ever again.
I looked at some videos’, pictures, and some documents I found on my Google Drive this morning, that I wasn’t aware was saved there from this time, and I felt nothing watching their antics within the property and re-read some of their written words. I just laughed! I have 538 emails from email@example.com that I got thru HRTO process. Imagine, over 500 emails filled with so much bullying of my very existence. So many derogatory words within of a person they don’t know. Some were even just blank, used to torment me. I share a lot of it here.
I cannot imagine how they thought anyone would believe their words about me, when they so very clearly are being so malicious. Everything they wrote is filled with such malice that you can feel it! How can anyone think to write this way and have it accepted, especially for a legal action? I wish I knew then, what I know now.
I have read everywhere that you shouldn’t allow anyone to think you have lost your mind over what these people did to you, but I am of a different mind. I believe you should expose the mental health issues that developed in yourself from being bullied so badly. I want the world to know the serious mental health side effects of being Bullied that I ended up with, as it is a serious issue. For people to end up feeling isolated and suicidal from being bullied, no matter your age, it needs to be out in the open. It needs to be exposed. Even the bystanders, need to be exposed.
I appreciate that there are some really strong people out there who can take being Bullied and have no effects on them. My husband is one such person, but there are people out there who do not, like me. No matter the personal history of a target of Bullying, it does not matter in the end, as any person invalidating another is wrong and over time can cause serious mental issues that need to be acknowledged.
If the target has previous mental health issues they are maintaining and someone comes along and starts Bullying them, it will make these previous issues worse. The funny thing, is that no one knew about these previous issues, as there was no need for them to know. People who are Bullied really bad, do end up with some serious mental health issues they need to acknowledge and work thru and if they already had issues they are maintaining, you can imagine what happens! There is no debating that, as evidence is there. It’s a double whammy!
I am very grateful I am where I am now, but it was a nightmare to get here. Feeling so stuck as I did, surrounded by Bullies every which way I turned, I sometimes felt I was still in high school being shamed for not fitting in. I was forced to conform to other people’s wants and needs, while mine was invalidated, and I will regret doing that to myself for the rest of my life. I gave in to the crowd, and will forever regret that decision, as it isn’t me to do that. This also caused dissonance within me! Do you have any idea what constant invalidation feels like? I am sure some of you know. If you invalidate me, I will fight my way back to have my needs acknowledged, as they do matter, even ifs its just to me. I am stubborn that way, you try to force me, I will buck you and do my own thing anyway.
I never gave in before, always stuck to my guns and my own rights, even quit jobs over it before. I have acknowledged I was very beaten by my medical issues by the time I got to this job in this property. I was off for a whole year before this to adjust to my new diagnosis of Cervical Spinal Stenosis in 2015, that got me qualified for Disability. The job ad sat on my desk for a week before I even applied to it, as I wasn’t sure I really could go back to work but the day hubby came home and told me he was getting laid off work, for lack of work, I applied as I could not see us living just on my income for awhile. It was for financial stress that caused me to apply for that job. That was Friday, we got called the same day, for interview for Monday. We were offered the job on the spot and had almost a month to get ready to move.
I was slowly manipulated there by the owners to take on more work than what I wanted, after a few months. Just because you have the skills and knowledge to do something, doesn’t mean you should do it. I had knowledge about the industry, they did not, so instead of learning what they needed to do, they ignored it all until I had no choice but to do it all myself so it could be done, per the rules. They were using old forms, not giving interest to any tenant on their last months rent on deposit, so many fire codes broken, property standards broken….not even tracking maintenance Orders or supplies! I told them so many times what needed to be done and they let it all go knowing I would end up doing it, as they knew by then how I was. I would never work and live in a building where so many rules were being broken and I had the knowledge to fix it. In the end, I got it fixed, all without their help. Once I got Kennedy fixed up, they then started asking me about their other properties and before I knew it, we had 4 more buildings, filled with more tenants, to deal with. It wasn’t much more, just 31 more units, but spread out in 4 small properties. Once RentSafeTO came out in 2017, if it wasn’t for my husband and I, those buildings would not have passed as well as they did, all of them, and they know it. I did more work there than I should have, but I am proud of what we did do there.
I was a loner in high school, I had many friends early on in junior high, but when I was betrayed in grade 9 when I was 14, by a woman I see on the tv every night on the news here, I didn’t allow anyone to get too close to me after that, so I stuck to myself a lot. Yep, I see a woman on the news here every evening, when I decide to watch it, who played a really big part in my bullying in junior high by the rumours she spread about me. All over a boy I had a crush on. Teens years are hard, no doubt about it. Being Bullied as a adult just brought all that back to my mind and seeing her on tv, just makes it more fresh, I guess. I made myself sit there and watch her on the news every night for a month and sat thru and acknowledged the emotions I had, why I had them, and let them flow thru me and out. It no longer bothers me to watch her on tv. I face my fears, I face my feelings and acknowledge them till I can let them go and move on. I focus on me and how I feel, and why, not on the Bully over what they do, just on how it affects me.
Yes, I even worked through some of that from my past, as it all came out for me the past few years. All the things I didn’t acknowledge over the years that had an effect on me, came out after being Bullied so badly this time. As a result, I am more free of it now. People Bully for various reasons but in the end, it don’t matter why they do it, as the effects on you is there no matter what and getting thru that is more important.
I had to give up trying to figure out why Bullies do these things, and focus on what it did to me, why I reacted the way I did, and get better with it. I had to open myself up and expose my terrible insecure scared feelings and figure out why I got them and how to overcome them. I had to be vulnerable, not just to myself but to others so they can see the terrible effects of being Bullied like I was. I have so much honesty now over myself, what I do and how I feel. I had to do that, for me.
I don’t care if people thought I went a little crazy, my writing during HRTO in response to their many missives, show my mental deterioration. Why deny it? My doctor told me he can see it, my counsellor said the same, so did others who I allowed to read it. I felt it. Even the things these Adult Tenant Bullies share online, show my deterioration. Nothing else shows it other that the time I had the Police show up to do a welfare check on me, due to a email I sent HRTO. They called them to come check on me, due to the emotions expressed in my email to them, after a string from these Bullies. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was being gaslighted really badly, my every word taken and twisted by them. It was driving me crazy and I was very caught up in it all. Some of the posts on this site was written during one of my defensive times, trying every which way to convince people their version is not the truth. it shows my desperate thinking and I am no longer ashamed of any of that.
I was stuck in proving the truth, and showing my true motives, not what they had written. I was caught up in self-defense and it was only making me feel worse. Which is why I stopped. I know the truth, believe me or not, up to you. I am confident now in knowing who I am, what I am, and what I do. I notified all I could about the fraud being done in my name, with the domain of stellareddy.com, that is all I can do. I know what these Adult Tenant Bullies did, I see it in their words and actions in my personal name, I don’t need anything else to know they are Narcissistic Adult Tenant Bullies out for revenge. That is all there is to this, not the convoluted mess they have spewed for the past few years. Their time is done, they are history, this story is history. What is not history, is my mental health recovery that I have to do on a daily basis, because of their actions. I had to become a new me, fight my way back to independent of thought and feelings as a individual.
Yes, my recovery is my responsibility, 100%, but Bullies also need to be held accountable for their part in getting me in this bad place. I refuse to allow them to walk away and be ignored, only for them to turn around one day and do the same to someone else… Like the Prime Minister of Dominica, Roosevelt Skerrit that they did. If I didn’t expose that site and who owned it, they would be getting away with Bullying someone else online they don’t personally know!
My education the past few years has allowed me to get so mentally strong to the point where I am no longer afraid. That is, and always will be, my main goal. No longer afraid of what other people will say and do against me, as they don’t matter.