Some of Stella Reddy’s Healthy Boundaries

Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are something I have had to relearn about the past couple of years, as I realized I didn’t really have any at all. I sat around the past few years allowing other people to influence my decisions and It was not a good way for me to live. I gave in, a lot, to what others wanted, mostly to keep the peace and out of comfort, but I was tired of living like this.

When March 2020 came and we found out that the property owners were going back on their promise to take these evicted tenants to Civil Court over the domains and their actions online, it broke trust.

You see, I stayed living in this property after I quit July 4, 2018, as my hubby convinced me to do so, based on the promises made by the owners that once all legal actions were over, such as Divisional Court and Human Rights, they would seek civil action. You have no idea how many times I heard this promise from July 2018 till Jan 2020! The last of their legal actions were over in January 2020 once HRTO was dismissed. I even waited till March before I went to to the owners to ask what the next step was, as I was waiting for them to contact me, or even discuss it with my hubby. They never did, so I went to them.

After giving in to them all, the owners and my hubby, about staying there till all of the Adult Tenant Bullies legal actions were over to get some kind of resolution, only to be told it wasn’t viable for them to do it, I was literally crushed, you have no idea. I lived in this property and put up with all that crap, for nothing. I understand there is a cost to Civil Court, but they said they would and were now going back on their word. I felt betrayed, my hubby felt betrayed.

Once I told hubby what the property owners said, it was a no brainer, he no longer wanted to stay either, as his faith and trust in his employers, was broken. They went back on their word.

I didn’t believe them for a long time, but no one would listen to me, said I was distrustful anyway, which I was. But, my instincts told me the owners wouldn’t do anything, as I had researched on Civil Court procedures for myself by that point and knew what could be involved and that it could take years. I knew by their previous stance on hassles that they wouldn’t do it. I don’t go by words anymore, I go by actions these days!

So, as a result of all this breach of trust, I had to start putting my foot down and doing what I needed for my mental health. My only thought was to get away from there and those sites. My thought was to look after myself, after ignoring my own needs for so long for the comfort of others, as I found out all my time was wasted. I just could not trust people anymore. Do you blame me?

Learning to say “no” was not as hard as I thought it would be, as by the time I found my voice again to be able to say it, I didn’t have many people left in my life to say “no” too. But, I have become better at it the past couple of years. Standing up for myself and saying no to what someone else wanted of me, was very freeing for me after so long of being told what to do.

Asking for what I want and need, is also easy for me these days. Being laid up the past few months, healing a broken ankle, and being so dependent on my hubby, helped me to learn how to ask for what I need in a better way.

Every decision I have made, since we decided to leave Ontario in March 2020, has been about taking care of myself. Deciding to leave, was my first and it just got easier after that. I compromise with my hubby, but he is the only one these days I compromise with, as some decisions I make might affect him.

I say “yes” these days cause I want too, not because I feel obligated to do so. I do things to please my hubby, and my family, as it makes me feel good, but I no longer do things because they want me to do it. My hubby is always reminding me I don’t NEED to do anything for his comfort, to just worry about myself. So if I don’t have the energy to clean the kitchen or go to the grocery store, he has never gotten upset over it. He tells me to do what I feel like doing, not do what I feel I need to do.

This site is evidence I am behaving according to my own values and beliefs. I believe I have the right to expose my Tenant Abusers in the same manner they went after me, in a domain on the internet in my own personal name. I have a right to tell my story of how Kory & Allison Read came after me because I did my job and had them evicted for breaking the rules. I am allowed to show how they lie about me. I am allowed to show the names of the anonymous Administrator of so many cyberbullying websites, who write about me and share personal info they gained during HRTO. I don’t need to stay quiet and allow Bullies words of degradation to control what I do online. I don’t need to care what Kory & Allison Read says about my life, as he has no authority over anything I do.

I feel very safe these days expressing my difficult emotions, even online in my own website, and I have no problem with disagreements. I am married after all and disagreements are all part of it! I had to relearn my emotions and how to express them in a better way that didn’t make the other person feel bad. For so long, I was so angry and resentful over what I was going thru and feeling like no one cared, my bitterness came out of me, over every aspect of my life. I was abrupt and did ignore many people and I had to learn how to talk again to others. Therapy helped with that.

I feel very supported these days, by everyone I have in my life, to pursue my own goals. If I ever feel not supported by someone in my life, I have no problem kicking them out. A few months ago, I had a disagreement with a friend of mine, someone I have known for over 30 yrs, over this bullying situation, and I haven’t talked to her since. This act, was also looking after myself.

I am being treated as a equal these days, by all in my life.  My words have value to others and my feelings are taken into consideration by everyone around me, I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I am responsible to make myself happy and know I am not here to make others happy, that is their job.

I am very in tune with my own feelings these days, even my anger I now know reflect my pain and frustration over being made a target by Adult Tenant Bullies. I did my job and they didn’t like it.

Knowing who I am, what I believe, and what I like, is an ongoing journey these days, as I am learning new things about myself all the time. I do know I am not a racist, I am not a liar and I never misled anyone about Kory & Allison Read’s actions, not even refusing entry. I don’t need to say much at all, their actions are online for you to see for yourself. They were kind enough to write it all out, showing all the ways they invaded my personal life, over a professional issue. You can see for yourself all the false allegations they accuse me off and see for yourself how improbable they are.  I don’t like what they have done in my personal name they stole to use. I don’t need to like any of their actions against me and my name.

I truly believe that Kory & Allison Read are out for revenge by using their domains and its nasty contents. There is no other reason for them to be online, right from the beginning. It is about shaming others and hiding what they did. Any way to put the focus on someone else!

Healthy boundaries for me is living my life how I choose, not basing my decisions on what nasty Adult Tenant Bullies say about me. I no longer take their opinions personally, as it is a smokescreen, attacking me to take the focus off them and what they do. Their hypocrisy gives it away and you can’t trust hypocrites!

I have learned to follow my own path, no matter how hard it may be for me and no matter how many people I lose in the process. I am more at peace these days as a result and I will never give that up ever again for someone else who are only out for themselves. My boundaries are in place now.

 

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