Stella Reddy's Story

Gaslighting: one of the most emotionally abusive experiences that any person can have. It is devastating to be the target of on such a level as I have been. The Toxic Bullies’ goal was to undermine my sense of self-worth and reality, trying to make me easier to control. They wanted me compliant and quiet, letting them do and say whatever they wished with no opposition.

They didn’t want me to express myself and my known reality of the mess they created, as they didn’t want the truth to come out about their actions. They created their websites in order to control the flow of information and to create fear of the content they threaten to write. In posting their beliefs, they think they are getting out ahead so no one believes anything I say later.

They wanted me to sit in shame, humiliation, and embarrassment over their websites and the false allegations within them. They wanted me ostracized from society, my friends, and my family.

Anyone who picked up for me, or tried to support me, was also taken and torn down in posts on their sites. Every day for almost 2 years, I sat isolated in my apartment, afraid to move out of extreme fear of being attacked more, in person and online on their websites. It was a demoralizing way to live.

Whenever I did try and defend myself from their onslaught, another post would show up gaslighting what just occurred. I wasn’t allowed to have my own perceptions and reality, not even my own feelings, they tried to gaslight it away with their website’s contents. From the parking, and keyless entry code they used, even to how their actions with websites were affecting me, was taken and gaslighted away with their personal speculations and I was called “fake”.

You can see that action in their list of topics on their sites, especially stellareddy.com. I was pressured by others to “stay quiet” and not give the Bullies more fodder for their content and to protect these others from also being smeared more online. It was a terrible way to live and I had to get out of it.

Toxic Adult Bullies denied that they were evicted for their own actions of persistently refusing access to the apartment for repairs and inspections, even though they did it in writing and admitted to doing it to the Landlord and Tenant Board and even at Divisional Court. Instead, they try to gaslight that they were being targeted because they are an interracial couple/tenants. Of course, it was ONLY them who they claimed were “targeted” for an “illegal” eviction.

The antics of Toxic Adults who Bully are clearly on display in the contents of their many websites and you will find all these 10 signs of gaslighting within them. Education is the key to saving yourself from these traits they display and professional help is required to process the gaslighting you were exposed to in order to get over it. It was my only way out!

I took a lot of the documents I have from this mess and gave them to my Doctors, and even counsellors, so they could see what I was facing and they helped me see past the gaslighting and accept that my reality is the only one I need. I have every right to my own perceptions, feelings, and memories and I have every right to pick up for myself against such disrespect that they have shown.

I do not need to accept Toxic Tenant’s reality!

My memories and perceptions are my truth, and the facts of this case are glaringly obvious to anyone reading the content on these websites. You can tell they are distorting the facts and leaving out important information to make it appear as they want.

If you are confused over the facts vs fiction, look at their letter sent on August 31, 2016.

Very First Letter Written by Toxic Adult Bullies To Bully Stella Reddy and on http://web.archive.org/web/20210114141432/https://socialjusticetribunalsontario.ca/timeline-of-facts-and-events-8/ that I copied below. This is a complete work of fiction and I have factual evidence to prove that, as this just did not happen.

They claim in this letter a prior meeting but don’t say where or when it happened, that didn’t come till later. In the version online, they remember enough to quote what they claim I said, but not the exact date this occurred. Suspicious to me!

They try to get you to accept that I was a socially inappropriate 50-year-old woman, someone who worked in rental building for 16 years, who would walk up to total strangers, in a public place, people living in the property that I would see on a regular basis once I moved in to work there and say the things they assign to me. I don’t think anyone is that stupid.

They stated they “had a feeling” I had some issues with her upon meeting me when she came to pay rent when it wasn’t possible for her to know what I thought. Feelings are not facts and they are not mindreaders.

This letter clearly shows her first meeting with me was on July 5, 2016, when she came to pay rent in cash and she bullied me into accepting it, just as she again tried in Aug 2016, not “sometime in June” at some restaurant.

If this “prior meeting” really happened, they wouldn’t have waited 2 1/2 months to bring it up, especially with all the conflict going on over procedure changes and getting Form N5s for refusing access. They sent many emails and letters in that 2 1/2 months, yet, no mention of any “prior meeting” ever came out and even when they did, there were no details given and they clearly said they wanted no response. Which was what they got!

Don’t let anyone gaslight you out of your own reality, it will cause severe issues with cognitive dissonance. You know your reality, your beliefs, and even your own mental and physical health issues, not some strange Tenant from your place of employment who is out to make you feel bad about yourself. They have no idea about my personal life and all I have experienced as there is no reason for them to know. They are irrelevant to my life and will remain that way!

Thus, with the Narcissist this pre-emptive backstabbing and smear campaign, allows the narcissist to reduce the target/victim to such a vulnerable and helpless state that it compounds the abuse at the highest level by accusing the target/victim of being the abuser as well.

Remember that the Narcissist used the ‘familiarity’ of knowing us personally to ‘be in the know’ about many of our situations and that familiarity will yield semi-valid but distorted ‘personal’ connections to events and other people. In other words, their smear campaigns will be laced with small bits and pieces of a distorted truth that listeners can relate to.

So, what a Narcissist puts into motion is pathologically treating us like dirt and maligning us behind our backs to control and destroy us. They are predators that are pre-loaded with delusion, psychopathy, and abuse.

So, if you get to know a Narcissist’s history, you will usually see a track record of destruction followed by mysterious upheavals in their life – but the Narcissist will lie and blame every other person, and citing every possible excuse they can.

The disordered Narcissist ALWAYS commits moral mayhem by destroying the victim’s reputation and credibility, so that nobody will believe the target/victim when they start to tell the truth. Backstabbing and smearing the HARM after the CHARM

Remember that the Narcissist used the ‘familiarity’ of knowing us personally to ‘be in the know“ about many of our situations. To show this in action, just look at their fabrication of the 2 vehicles I had. They claim that I bought a 2nd vehicle when I first moved in but could not afford to drive it and eventually had to get rid of it. They try to show “familiarity” with my personal life, when they were only Tenants. There was no reason for them to know anything about my vehicles, as they were not personally involved in my life to know.

Besides, if I already had a car parked there, why would I take money to buy another one, rather than using the funds to get the car I already had back on the road? They tried to claim I couldn’t afford to do that, but I could afford another car and all that came with it. That is very improbable.

My 2013 Nissan was parked in 2015 because of the difficulty I had driving due to the Cervical Stenosis with the nerve pain I was experiencing. The 2nd car, was a gift from my Dad when he moved to Sask. I had it for a year, as it was all registered and insured for that period, but I eventually gave it away to charity due to the pain I was having while driving. I still have the same pain when driving, so I don’t do it often anymore. My hubby doesn’t drive at all.

They gaslight you, hoping that you will accept their claims of familiarity with my personal life to be able to say such things so adamantly. It is all throughout their websites! They claim they are so familiar with me and my personal life, to make such outrageous claims like this! I can tell you they don’t!

Pay attention to patterns and even though these people are strangers to me, I can see their patterns of behaviour with their many smearing websites, then and now.

You have to understand that at this time Stella Reddy and her husband had two vehicles parked at the building. One had been off the road since April 2015 that they brought with them and parked in the indoor garage. And they purchased a 2nd vehicle when they first moved in, but could not afford to drive it and eventually had to get rid of it.

Stella Reddy is and was so jealous and pissed off to see that the interracial married couple / tenants were able to buy a vehicle, especially a brand new vehicle.

And here is Stella Reddy and her husband struggling to survive of two incomes. Having to get ride of there 2nd vehicle they bought when they fist moved in.

Even with two incomes and them getting rid of their 2nd vehicle. Stella Reddy still could not afford to get their 1st vehicle that has been off the road since April 2015 working and insured and back on the road.

The same vehicle that they brought and parking in the indoor garage when they moved in back in July 2016.

Stella Reddy and her husband were extremely jealous of the fact that the male of the interracial married couple / tenants was a stay at home / work from home dad. And that the female of the interracial married couple / tenants was a successful self-employed event coordinator.

And this is why the racist Stella Reddy really refused to give the interracial married couple / tenants a parking space.

http://web.archive.org/web/20210927062347/https://stellareddy.com/refused-to-give-interracial-couples-tenants-parking-spots-pt-3/

JULY 28, 2016

Emotionally abusive relationships have become more prevalent in recent years, thanks in part to the rise of technology and social media, which can create new avenues for abusers to control and manipulate their victims. Emotional abuse can take many forms, one of the most common and insidious forms being gaslighting.

Victims of gaslighting often feel like they are going crazy or losing their grip on reality. They may also feel like they can’t trust their own thoughts and feelings, which can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental and emotional health problems. The good news is by teaching people about the warning signs of emotional abuse and how to recognize them, we can empower them to take action and protect themselves.

In this blog post, we will explore the 10 signs of gaslighting and provide guidance on how to recognize and respond to this form of emotional abuse. By understanding the signs of gaslighting, you can take steps to protect yourself and reclaim your sense of self-worth.

Gaslighting is a tactic used by abusers to manipulate their victims into doubting their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. The term originated from the 1938 play “Gas Light” by Patrick Hamilton, which was later adapted into a film in 1944. The story revolves around a husband who manipulates his wife into thinking she is losing her mind by dimming the gas lights in their home and denying it when she confronts him about it. Over time, the wife begins to doubt her own sanity and perception of reality.

Today, gaslighting is a well-known and recognized form of emotional abuse. Abusers may use gaslighting tactics to control their victims and make them feel helpless and isolated. Gaslighting can take many forms, including denying the victim’s experiences, emotions, and perceptions, twisting the truth to make the victim doubt their own memory and shifting blame onto the victim. The goal of gaslighting is to undermine the victim’s sense of self-worth and reality, making it easier for the abuser to control them.

Intentional gaslighting is a deliberate attempt to manipulate and control someone by making them doubt their own perceptions and reality. The gaslighter may do this to gain power over their victim or to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Intentional gaslighting can be a tactic used by abusers to control their victims and maintain power in the relationship.

Gaslighting can happen in any type of relationship, from romantic partnerships to friendships and even in professional settings. It is a particularly insidious form of emotional abuse because it can be difficult to recognize. Victims may not even realize that they are being gaslit, and instead, may believe that their confusion and self-doubt are a result of their own shortcomings.

Recognizing the signs of gaslighting is the first step in combatting this form of emotional abuse. By educating ourselves and others about the warning signs, we can empower ourselves to take action and protect ourselves from gaslighting tactics.

Sign #1: The person denies your reality

One of the key signs of gaslighting is when the gaslighter denies things that happened or denies saying things that they did say. This can be incredibly confusing and disorienting for the victim, as it makes them doubt their own perceptions and memory.

For example, if you confront a gaslighter about something they did that hurt you, they may tell you that it never happened, or that you are remembering it wrong. If you suspect that someone is gaslighting you by denying things that happened or denying things that they said, there are a few things to look out for. First, pay attention to your own memory and perception of events. If you remember something happening a certain way, but the gaslighter is telling you that it never happened or happened differently, trust your own memory and perception.

Sign #2: They use lies and confusion to make you doubt yourself

A gaslighter may use blatant lies and confusion to make you doubt your own behavior or perceptions. They may tell you something that contradicts what they said earlier, causing you to question what is true. For example, a gaslighter may tell a friend they will pick them up from the airport at a certain time, but then later deny ever making that promise, causing the friend to question their own perception of the situation.

This type of emotional manipulation is not uncommon in a gaslighting relationship.

Sign #3: They trivialize your feelings

Another way gaslighters achieve control over their victim is by minimizing or dismissing the victim’s emotions. This can be incredibly damaging, as it invalidates the victim’s feelings and can make them doubt their own emotional responses.

For example, a family member may tell their child that they are being too sensitive when the child expresses fear or sadness about a situation. This can cause the child to suppress their emotions and begin to doubt their own emotional responses. In a professional setting, a coworker may dismiss a colleague’s frustration about a work situation, telling them that they are overreacting or being too emotional. This can cause the colleague to doubt their own emotions and begin to question whether their reactions are appropriate.

Sign #4: They use isolation as a tactic

A gaslighter may try to isolate you from friends and family, making you more dependent on them. Gaslighting and isolation are closely tied to narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). NPD is a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. Narcissists often use gaslighting and isolation to control their victims and maintain their sense of power and superiority.

They may also try to cut you off from other sources of information, making it easier to control your perceptions and beliefs. This often includes cutting their partner off from communication with the outside world, such as by confiscating their phone or preventing them from accessing social media. When a victim of gaslighting becomes so isolated that they have no one and nothing to compare their abusive partner to, it makes it even easier for the abuser to continue the vicious cycle.

Sign #5: They project their flaws onto you

Another classic sign of gas lighting is projecting their own flaws and insecurities onto you. For example, if they are being unfaithful, they may accuse you of cheating on them, making the partner feel as if they are the problem, rather than the gaslighter. Within a family, a parent may accuse their child of being lazy when the parent themselves struggle with motivation and productivity. This can make the child feel as if they are inherently flawed, rather than recognizing that everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

In both of these examples, the gaslighter is projecting their own inadequacies onto their victim in order to maintain their sense of power and control. This behavior can be incredibly damaging, as it can make the victim feel as if they are somehow responsible for the gaslighter’s behavior.

Sign #6: They use your vulnerabilities against you

When a gaslighter is aware of someone’s vulnerabilities or insecurities, they can use them to gain power and control over their victim. By making negative comments about their appearance or other vulnerabilities, the gaslighter can make the victim feel worse about themselves and more dependent on the abuser. This can make it harder for the victim to leave the abusive relationship.

Here are some common types of vulnerabilities that gaslighters may exploit:

Low self-esteem:

Gaslighters may make negative comments about the victim’s appearance, intelligence, or abilities to undermine their self-esteem.

Trauma:

Victims who have experienced trauma may be more vulnerable to gaslighting as they may already have difficulties trusting their own perception of reality.

Isolation:

Gaslighters may isolate their victim from friends and family, making them more dependent on the abuser and easier to manipulate.

Financial dependence:

Gaslighters may use financial dependence to control their victim’s behavior, making it harder for them to leave the relationship.

Mental health issues:

People with mental health issues may be more vulnerable to gaslighting as they may already have difficulties with their perception of reality.

Sign #7: They twist your words and manipulate conversations

When a gaslighter twists the victim’s words or manipulates conversations, it can lead to a loss of self-confidence, anxiety, and even depression. Over time, this abusive pattern can contribute to the development of antisocial personality disorder in the gaslighter.

Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is a mental health condition characterized by a persistent disregard for the rights of others. People with ASPD may engage in manipulative behavior to get what they want, even if it harms others. They may also lie, cheat, and steal without feeling guilt or remorse.

Gaslighting behavior is a common feature of ASPD. When a gaslighter twists the victim’s words or manipulates conversations, they are engaging in manipulative behavior that serves to control the victim. Over time, this pattern of behavior can become habitual, leading to the development of ASPD.

Gaslighters may use a variety of tactics to manipulate conversations and twist words. For example, they may:

• Change the subject when confronted with their behavior.
• Use sarcasm or passive-aggressive comments to undermine the victim’s confidence.
• Use charm or flattery to manipulate the victim’s emotions.

Sign #8: They create a sense of uncertainty

In a new relationship, a gaslighter may create a sense of uncertainty by establishing one set of rules at the beginning of the relationship, only to change them without warning later on. For example, they may say that they are comfortable with their partner spending time with friends of the opposite sex, only to become jealous and controlling when their partner actually does so. They may do this to gain power and control over their partner by making it difficult for them to know what to expect or how to behave.

Another example could be expecting their partner to be available at all times, even during work or other commitments. When the partner tries to set boundaries or assert their needs, the gaslighter may accuse them of being selfish or uncaring. Additionally, gaslighters may use guilt trips to create a sense of uncertainty and anxiety in the partner, who may feel like they are always walking on eggshells.

Sign #9: They use occasional positive reinforcement to keep you hooked

A gaslighter may use occasional positive reinforcement to keep you hooked and maintain control over the relationship. Positive reinforcement refers to providing rewards or benefits to encourage certain behaviors. In the context of gaslighting, this may involve:

Rewards and gifts:

Gaslighters may use rewards and gifts to reinforce their partner’s behavior. For example, they may promise to take their partner on a vacation or buy them a gift if they comply with their demands.

Sign #10: They make you feel like you’re going crazy

A gaslighter may make you feel like you are losing your mind by denying things that you know to be true or manipulating your perceptions and beliefs. You may begin to doubt your own memory and judgment, leading to confusion and self-doubt.

Here are some common phrases that a gaslighter may use to make their victim question their own reality:

“You’re imagining things”

When a gaslighter denies things that the victim knows to be true, they may use this phrase to make the victim doubt their own memory or perception of reality.

“You’re too sensitive”

Gaslighters often minimize the victim’s feelings, making them feel like their emotions are invalid or overblown. This can make the victim question their own reactions and feel like they are being overly sensitive or irrational.

“I never said that”

Gaslighters may deny things that they have said or done, causing the victim to question their own memory and perception of events. This can create confusion and self-doubt in the victim.

“You’re crazy”

Gaslighters may use this phrase to make the victim feel like their thoughts and emotions are invalid or irrational. This can make the victim question their own judgment and feel like they are losing their mind.

“You’re always wrong”

Gaslighters may consistently undermine the victim’s confidence by criticizing their ideas or decisions. This can make the victim feel like they are always wrong, leading to self-doubt and a lack of confidence.

How do you know someone is gaslighting you?

You start to question simple decisions in your relationship

Gaslighters may create confusion and doubt by changing the rules or expectations without warning. This can make it hard for you to know what to expect or how to behave, leading to uncertainty and self-doubt.

You are constantly feeling insecure

Gaslighters may use criticism or belittlement to undermine your self-esteem, making you feel unworthy or inadequate. This can create feelings of insecurity and doubt.

You start to wonder if you are too sensitive

Gaslighters often minimize the victim’s feelings, making them feel like their emotions are invalid or overblown. This can make you question your own reactions and feel like you are being overly sensitive or irrational.

You are constantly reviewing your actions

Gaslighters may use guilt trips or blame-shifting to make you feel responsible for their behavior. This can make you second-guess your own actions and feel like you are always in the wrong.

You begin to question your judgment and perceptions

Gaslighters may deny things that you know to be true or manipulate your perceptions and beliefs. This can make you doubt your own memory and judgment, leading to confusion and self-doubt.

You are genuinely confused

Gaslighters may use a variety of tactics to manipulate your perceptions and beliefs, causing confusion and disorientation. You may feel like you are losing your grip on reality, leading to anxiety and isolation.

Stopping psychological abuse in a relationship can be challenging because it often involves manipulation, control, and emotional dependency. Victims of psychological abuse may feel trapped or powerless to leave the relationship, especially if the abuser has made them doubt their own judgment and perception of reality. However, it’s important to take steps to stop the abuse, as it can have serious consequences for your well-being and safety.

Identify the behavior

Recognizing the signs of psychological abuse is the first step to stopping it. Psychological abuse can take many forms, and identifying gaslighting behavior can be difficult, as it often involves subtle manipulation and psychological manipulation. However, there are some signs that you can look for that may indicate that you are being gaslit.

If something feels off or doesn’t seem right, trust your instincts. Gaslighting often involves the abuser making you doubt your own perceptions of reality, so it’s important to trust your gut. Additionally, gaslighting can cause you to feel confused, anxious, or insecure. If you find yourself feeling this way around a certain person, it may be a sign that they are gaslighting you.

Look for inconsistencies in the person’s behavior and statements, such as changing their story often or denying things that you know to be true. Keeping a journal or documenting your experiences can help you identify patterns of gaslighting behavior. Write down what happened, how you felt, and how the other person responded.

Establish boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is an important step in stopping psychological abuse in a relationship. Boundaries are limits that you set for yourself and communicate to others about what you are willing and not willing to tolerate in a healthy relationship.

Seek support from trusted friends or professionals

It’s important to note that stopping psychological abuse may require outside professional help, such as from a therapist, counselor, life coach, or support group. These resources can provide guidance on how to recognize abusive behavior, develop coping strategies, and create a safety plan.

It’s also important to have a support system of trusted friends or family members who can provide emotional support and help you make decisions about your relationship.

Consider ending the relationship if the behavior doesn’t stop

Ultimately, stopping psychological abuse may require leaving the relationship if the abuser refuses to change their behavior or if the abuse continues despite your efforts to stop it. This can be a difficult decision, but it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and safety.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in your relationship, and there is help available to you if you are experiencing psychological abuse.

Conclusion

Gaslighting is one of the most dangerous forms of emotional abuse and can be extremely destructive to someone’s mental well-being. It involves manipulating someone’s perception of reality, often causing them to question their own judgment, memory, and sanity. Gaslighting can cause immense confusion, anxiety, and insecurity, leaving victims feeling isolated and helpless.

If you suspect that you are being gaslit, it’s important to set clear boundaries with your partner, seek support from trusted friends or professionals, and consider ending the relationship if the abuse continues. Remember that gaslighting can have serious consequences for your mental well-being and can lead to a range of negative outcomes, including anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. However, by taking action to stop gaslighting, you can protect your emotional well-being and regain your sense of self.

https://www.zellalife.com/blog/10-signs-of-gaslighting-how-to-recognize-and-respond-to-emotional-abuse/