Share: Psychology Today-Are You A Whiner Or Winner

Live Life as a Winner not a Whiner

I love this post on Psychology Today that I read this morning. It is so full of useful tips we can all use!

According to this article, at the beginning of being bullied in person and online, I became a whiner. I never used to be a whiner, I would take life as it came and was very good at maintaining the PTSD symptoms I got from the house fire I had in 1991. Until this mess and the process of the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario (HRTO). The constant emails and documents I kept getting on an almost daily basis for that 19 months, with the bullying they did on the property, really screwed up my psyche and took over my life.

I sat and whined about the injustice of a stranger taking my personal name and putting it in their domains where they terrorized me in the contents. I was a whiner over the fact that I felt deserted by all whom I thought cared about me, out of fear of becoming a target as I was. I whined over the fact that those employers refused to do anything about it too. I whined about feeling hopeless and useless, not able to move forward and get out of the victim mode I was stuck in. I whined over the extreme fear I felt!

I needed a change. I own up to the fact that I didn’t need to look at their sites containing my name, nor did I need to listen to their negativity. I own up to the fact that I avoided people, which also didn’t help with their desertion. I made my choices based on my emotional turmoil and it took moving from that place to reset. I am very grateful I made that decision.

Over the past 3 years and 6 months, I slowly changed and became a winner. I went looking for solutions to help me combat the toxicity I was embroiled in.

I went for counselling, which helped me enormously. I found Mindfulness and focusing on the present, not the thoughts and stories in my head. I got off the rollercoaster! While I can’t meditate, my brain won’t shut off for that, I can focus my thoughts on gratitude for all I have. Whenever I find myself heading into a negative place, I can get out of it quicker these days through the practice of mindfulness.

I studied toxic traits and narcissism, which helped me understand their incentives to do what they do. I learned about projection, gaslighting, triangulation and manipulation that toxic people will do and came to recognize these traits in the words and documents I have from them and in their actions in my name.

I found forgiveness, not only for them but also for myself in the process. I made mistakes and came to learn from them.

I slowly started regaining my self-confidence by accepting that they were expressing their perceptions, not true facts that could be proven. I learned that an accusation of misconduct is just an opinion when it is devoid of facts and evidence that shows it occurred.

I slowly became a winner and will leave the whining to the toxic abusers who are abusing me online! They are welcome to continue whining on their many websites about how other people did them wrong, all while avoiding accountability for their own actions of verbally abusing me and others.

This article is one I will print off and post on the notice board I have here in my office which is full of helpful articles and posters I have found over the years. I look at them from time to time when I feel I need reinforcements!

Have a read and I have a feeling you will find you are a Winner too, not a Whiner!


Are You a Whiner or Winner?

10 actionable tips can get you from stagnation to success.

Posted March 20, 2024 |  Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano


  • Proactive problem-solving distinguishes winners.
  • Accountability breeds success, blame holds you back.
  • Resilience and perseverance lead to success.
  • Winners seek solutions, not excuses.

Why do some people seem to constantly turbo-boost ahead while others are stagnant and remain in the same chair doing the same job for years? Might there be a correlation between the chronic complainers and perpetual doers?

In the pursuit of success, it is essential to distinguish between behaviors that propel people forward and those that hold them back. Understanding the traits of both whiners and winners can significantly impact our personal and professional lives. Here are ten ways to differentiate between the two:

  1. A whiner focuses on problems while a winner seeks solutions.
    When faced with challenges, winners approach them with a proactive mindset, looking for ways to overcome obstacles rather than dwelling on them. It’s not a question of whether they can overcome a challenge; the focus is on how.
  2. A whiner blames others for their shortcomings while a winner takes responsibility for their actions.
    Winners understand that they have control over their choices and outcomes, and they actively seek opportunities to learn and grow from their experiences.
  3. A whiner is easily discouraged by setbacks while a winner sees failure as data and an opportunity for growth.
    Winners view failures as valuable learning experiences that contribute to their personal and professional development. Failure does not constitute an end; rather, it is a new beginning.
  4. A whiner procrastinates and makes excuses while a winner takes decisive action.
    Winners are proactive and resourceful, consistently pursuing their goals with determination and perseverance.
  5. A whiner seeks validation and sympathy from others while a winner maintains confidence and self-assurance.
    Winners are self-motivated and resilient, relying on their intrinsic motivation to navigate challenges and setbacks, always eyeing the bigger goal, no matter how far away it may appear.
  6. A whiner complains about circumstances beyond their control while a winner focuses on what they can influence.
    Winners work to control what they can control and prioritize their energy and attention on aspects of their lives in which they can make a meaningful difference.
  7. A whiner resists change and clings to the familiar while a winner embraces innovation and adaptation.
    Winners recognize that growth begins where comfort ends. Progress often requires stepping out of one’s comfort zones and exploring new possibilities.
  8. A whiner indulges in negativity and pessimism while a winner cultivates optimism and a positive mindset.
    Winners maintain a hopeful outlook, even in the face of adversity, believing in their ability to overcome challenges and achieve success. They focus on the controllable variables and work with them, instead of against them.
  9. A whiner compares themselves unfavorably to others while a winner focuses on their own progress and growth.
    Winners understand that each individual’s journey is unique, and they measure success by their own standards and achievements. It’s me versus me, not me versus everyone else.
  10. A whiner gives up when faced with difficulties while a winner perseveres with resilience and determination.
    Winners understand that success often requires patience and persistence, and they remain committed to their goals even in the face of adversity. For many winners, a loss is the rocket fuel they need to push them to outwork everyone and succeed.
  11. The distinction between a whiner and a winner lies in attitudes, actions, and responses to challenges. By cultivating the traits of a winner—such as resilience, responsibility, and proactive problem-solving—we can unlock our potential for success and fulfillment in all areas of life.
  12. So, the next time you encounter adversity, ask yourself: Am I a whiner or a winner?

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