Sept 23, 2023 Ramblings : Shame Is The Lie Someone Told You About Yourself.

Shame is the lie someone told you about yourself.

Who told you to be ashamed of yourself?
Who told you that there is something innately wrong with you?
Who told you that you are wrong for the way you are?

A society filled with Toxic people judges each and every one of us based on its ever-changing values and standards; our parents judge us based on who they are and what they experienced; we judge ourselves based on our behaviour, and; we form subconscious images and create perceptions of ourselves based on all of the above along with other subconscious drives including temperament and character.

You end up feeling that you are completely flawed, not enough, unworthy, and unlovable, and therefore wrong and bad.

Remember, this is an interpretation in your mind, nothing more. It does not represent truth.

It is the fabrication of a trauma mind and its current perception of life. It is a story that you made up about yourself based on the treatment you received and the form or lack of consideration received. You blamed yourself for the Toxic people’s actions. It is a lie because it is not the truth and it is an extremely limited understanding of who you really are.

What is it that determines our worthiness and our value? Is it society, our parents & upbringing, our behaviour, or ourselves (our self-image and self-perception)?

It is the combination of all of the above.

The result is that we make judgments about our value and our self-worth – what we deserve in all areas of life. It is a normal part of living, but you don’t need to accept it as fact.

Dr. Brown has spent more than ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. She distinguishes shame and guilt:

“The thing to understand about shame is it’s not guilt. Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behaviour. The shame is ‘I am bad.’ Guilt is ‘I did something bad.’”

Are the two emotions of guilt and shame mutually exclusive?

The dictionary defines shame as:

A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour.

Another dictionary definition:

A painful emotion is caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace.

  1. Capacity for such a feeling: Have you no shame?
  2. One that brings dishonour, disgrace, or condemnation.
  3. A condition of disgrace or dishonour; ignominy.
  4. A great disappointment.

The subconscious belief that we are bad and not good enough is based on the way Toxic people treated us – abuse, neglect, abandonment, judgments, expectations of perfection, and so forth.

The first type of shame & guilt relates specifically to our behaviour and choices – something over which we have control; the second type of shame & guilt relates to the way we were programmed and judged which led us to make conclusions about our level of deservedness.

“Empathy is the antidote to shame. If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.” – Dr. Brene Brown

It is this feeling of shame that Toxic people focus on, they do everything in their power to make you feel guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, and disgrace for the vicious judgements they place on you to the public. The purpose is to cause you to hide away and not fight back and expose the lies they tell.

They want you to hide away in shame for what they porport you did to them, when it reality they don’t have the right to do any of that. They are not the Judge, Jury, and Excutonier of you, no matter how strongly they believe they are.

The purpose of their toxicity is to cause you so much pain and humiliation that you commit suicide to get away from it. They want to drive you to insanity. Then, they can turn around and state they were right about you. Toxic people want to win, no matter how!

Fighting the feelings of shame that were placed on you by the false accusations of another is very hard, I know, but it is a matter of survival that you fight them. Just remember they are idiots trying to bring you down because they are too ashamed to admit to what they have done against you. They place shame upon you that is theirs to feel, not yours.

It took a long time for me to get over that shame of being a target by Toxic people, but I did so by remembering they were just Tenants and not involved in my life to know anything about me, like they claim.

They can claim to know what I am thinking and doing all they want, it is just speculations, not facts they can prove. They have nothing proving their false allegations and never will, as it was all a figment of their imagination.

By keeping true to yourself, you can get past toxic shame placed upon you by someone else. No matter how hard it is, stay consistent to your own narratives and in time, you will see the truth of their lies, and so will others.

Once you understand that they are Toxic people doing all they can to disparage you in the public eye, you find your strength to defy their narratives and live your own life.

Never give in to their toxic traits, these people are not worth it. You deserve to live your own life, on your own terms.

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