I forgive myself for not knowing the destructive nature of Narcissism in Tenants and what their attitudes could do to my psyche.
I studied this disorder for the past few years and have now learned the traits they show. I see now…I forgive myself for my reactions too, even becoming a Bully there for a while. I know now how it feels to want revenge for something done to me. I reacted in ways I never thought I was capable of doing, and now see I was not myself anyway. I was buried under so much stress and constant fear… real or imagined, doesn’t matter. PTSD in full arousal took control of me and highjacked my common sense.
Shame that isn’t mine to feel, was also very unhealthy for me to carry. KR was responsible for his family’s eviction and due to his narcissism, he shifted that onto me instead with continuous false allegations, hoping to HIDE. He had to make someone else responsible for the trouble they faced. Taking no accountability is the trademark of Narcissism. Always passing the buck. Does he realize that by claiming I “made” them do so many things, he is saying I was more powerful than he was?
It was a very debilitating experience, being smeared by Tenant Bullies in this manner, but with time, therapy, and distance from the area, I am getting better with it and getting over it. I am moving on… the more I read, write, and share, the better I feel and the more distance I put between myself and the past, the easier it gets.
Every step I make to take back my personal power over my own autonomy, the better I feel, even the small ones! Eventually, everything adds up and becomes big changes…
I live in gratitude these days and will forever be grateful I got out of that mess!
Shame is incredibly unhealthy, causing lowered self-esteem (feelings of unworthiness) and behavior that reinforces that self-image. As we are learning more and more, shame can be an extremely debilitating emotion. Shame is responsible for a myriad of problems, including but not limited to:
- Self-criticism and self-blame
- Self-destructive behaviors (abusing your body with food, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, self-mutilation, being accident-prone)
- Self-sabotaging behavior (starting fights with loved ones, sabotaging jobs)
- The belief that you do not deserve good things
- Intense rage (frequent physical fights, road rage)
- Acting out against society (breaking the rules, breaking the law)
- Continuing to repeat the cycle of abuse through either victim behavior or abusive behavior
Some have explained the difference between shame and guilt as follows: When we feel guilt, we feel bad about something we did or neglected to do. When we feel shame, we feel bad about who we are. When we feel guilty, we need to learn that it is okay to make mistakes. When we feel shame we need to learn that it is okay to be who we are.
I believe that self-forgiveness is the most powerful step you can take to rid yourself of debilitating shame. This is particularly true for those who have been abused, but it applies to everyone. Self-forgiveness is not only recommended but absolutely essential if we wish to become emotionally healthy and have peace of mind.
It goes like this: The more shame you heal, the more you will be able to see yourself more clearly—the good and the bad. You will be able to recognize and admit how you have harmed yourself and others. Your relationships with others will change and deepen. More importantly, your relationship with yourself will improve.