I’ve been reading a lot on Reactive Abuse these days and why it is such a big thing. It is a powerful thing, especially after being abused so severely by total strangers, and once you reach the point of “enough” you get it.
I was severely abused, my every word, action, and thought was passed off and invalidated. I was invalidated as a human being. I had enough.
The email this Bully sent on March 1, 2020, set that off and I have been running with it ever since. Every day, my sense of self, what I will tolerate and what I will not, has been growing. I am becoming to know this new ME!
Fear of having content online, put there by other people about me, was what drove me. The feeling I use to get, knowing there were lies online put there by other people, was nerve-racking and gut-retching. It felt like ants crawling all over me…
It was a visceral feeling in my gut that ate at me. It was a mix of pride and ego, but mostly it was a shame. I felt so much shame for bringing this situation into everyone’s lives.
I was made, by the actions and words of these Adult Tenant Bullies, and others around me like the property owners, to feel like it was my fault all this happened to them and myself.
Thankfully, all that is gone now.
I was made to feel that if I had not done my job, and filed on these tenants breaking the rules of entry, none of this situation would have happened.
I was made to feel I was to blame, that my actions was the starting point of the severe Bullying online of so many, including myself.
This is wrong. That is not the starting point! It was the Tenant Adult Bullies refusal of access! Toxic Adult Bullies started it with their actions!
Getting past that does require anger and rebuilding a strong sense of self. Toxic Adult Bullies claims I have “immoral behavior and beliefs”, all while writing on a domain he created in my personal name where he writes as an anonymous administrator, about me. Total hypocrisy is being shown with his words and actions!
I have become convinced that it is they who have “immoral behaviour and beliefs” as it is they who started posting domains online containing my name on November 2, 2017. No amount of gaslighting will change that timeline!
It is his own actions, right from November 2, 2017, that show “immoral behavior and beliefs”. This is Projection, claiming I am doing what he so clearly is doing. This created a lot of anger.
Once I realized no emails would help me get the site 859kennedyroad.com, down, I found the Internet Archive and started saving it there. By this point, I had no trust, in anyone around me. I saved all domains, and every single link on every one, as I didn’t want the evidence of their Bullying to disappear for them to claim at some point they never did anything.
I also noticed they were changing things to reflect what they had learned, especially their Statement of Facts, and I didn’t want their changes to go unnoticed either.
I used the Internet Archive as a backup in case these domains disappeared and Toxic Adult Bullies tried to claim he did nothing! I refused to allow him the opportunity to change what he had already said and make up more shit about me. I used every resource to protect myself and show this is what they did, in response to me doing my job and enforcing the rules of entry.
The BLAME for this is all on these Adult Tenant Bullies for persistently refusing access for over a year span. I don’t know, nor care, why they felt the need to blame me and pretend they are such perfect tenants who did no wrong when it is there in black and white in their own words. They refused access, which is breaking the rules. The reason for taking them before the Landlord and Tenant Board is very valid why they were evicted. Not what came after.
In the end, they flipped it, claiming that they didn’t break any rules and that I was just after them for personal reasons. They totally ignore their own actions and tried to bury them in all the garbage they came up with about me. Still do.
Their new content is no different, always blaming others for bad things in their lives, never any accountability for their own actions, NEVER!
I came to accept I am allowed to be mad over that. I am entitled to my anger, they took a professional situation and made it very personal with their vicious attacks on my character. Still, turning everything around on me, never any accountability for what they do, not even taking ownership of their nasty domains!
So yes, Reactive Abuse got me in this place. I got mad and I still am. I don’t know how long it will last, we will see.
I did feel bad, in the beginning, for making my own site and doing to them what they did to me, but I have managed to get past that.
This feeling was also why I took so many free, and paid, sites down in the past. I didn’t want to become like them. I realized tho, that it was the only way forward for my own peace of mind. I had to point out their actions and what it all means.
I don’t care about them personally, never did, it was their actions against me in my name, that is my focus, always. They made every effort not to have their name on these sites, so the focus would always remain on their content, not the writer.
That is where it will remain, on the actions, not the person who did them.
I had to document their every word online, in case they decided to try and claim they did nothing and also in case they decided to fabricate more.
They gave me no reason to trust them.
I am protecting myself by sharing my story and ensuring they don’t try and change history. I am letting the internet, thru my own domain, know what I experienced with these Tenant Adult Bullies to protect myself and my family.
Anyone finds their words, they will find mine. I will protect myself, and my name, from strangers online making implications on my life. They are not me and never will be.
I am showing what their actions are, trying to claim they know what I am doing with such confidence in their content. Every time he writes “it is clear”, “it appears” and “it seems” he is only giving you his opinions and assumptions they have made, not any facts. That is the Crazy-Making at work!
Who in their right mind tries to manipulate and triangulate the marriage of someone else like these people do? The triangulation is nuts, implying their skewed views over a marriage they are obviously jealous of! Why write about my marriage and imply such terrible things, if they didn’t hope to RUIN it?
It shows his jealousy over my marriage, especially when he shows his attempts to come between us with his implications. His words give his angst away.
It is words like these that show me just how terrible these people are in their personal attacks. They get personal over my motives, my marriage, and even my family in an attempt to RUIN my life. There is no other way to look at it anymore. They are very blatant these days!
These are the actions I am exposing on my site. The ability of total strangers to get so personal over my life, all in attempts to affect me in any way, even if it’s just affecting me emotionally, all out of their resentment and hate towards me.
I can deal with it. I don’t feel bad anymore, not even about doing my own site, as I came to see I needed to do it for myself. No more Gaslighting!
I expose what was said and done to me and in the telling, I gain back myself. They are nothing to me and I no longer have any problem exposing their actions and words for the Narcissistic Smear Campaign it is.
These Tenant Bullies don’t deserve anything from me, not even consideration. After this last stunt they pulled, I have no empathy for them anymore, not even any pity. They don’t deserve it.
I had enough of their abuse towards me, of their lies and implications online about my life and how I live it. Who does he think he is? He is trying to take control of what I do by trying to produce shame, anger, and fear in me with his words. It is manipulation.
If Toxic Adult Bullies had DELETED all domains, I would have taken mine down. But, he didn’t DELETE them, just lost the hosting, and now trying to claim it was to “test” me? Now you see why I get so angry! I knew as long as they remained registered, they could return. So, no Toxic Adult Bullies did NOT remove those domains like he claims, as they still existed. See the lies?
Only in his dreams will anyone ever accept that an anonymous Administrator is speaking the truth about anyone and accept that this person has any right to “test” another.
This is the grandiose self-speaking here, acting like he has the right to do what he does!
Toxic Adult Bullies has shown his obsessions with me by returning these sites back online and shows with these actions, he is a Narcissistic Adult Bully who can’t stand their target picking up for herself. I only did what they did, made a domain in my personal name filled with my personal information on a situation I was directly involved in and wrote about myself and what was going on in my life and how it was affecting me, and shared what helps me manage.
I have come to see I am entitled to that. Reactive Abuse got me to this place and about time too.
Welcome back to StellaReddy.com
So after being offline for 4 months. It is time to bring back the truth speaker.. StellaReddy.com
Now the site was offline as a test to Stella Reddy. Which of coarse she failed as always.
You see Stella Reddy has always complained about the sites being up and how inaccurate they are in their depiction of her racist behavior and beliefs. There are countless times that Stella Reddy has said if the sites “were gone” she would move on with her life.
Well the sites were gone for 4 months and what did Stella Reddy do?
.
Does reactive abuse make you an abuser?
In time, they can manipulate the situation by provoking a victim who has a fight response to react in a way that might seem abusive. Reactive abuse takes a toll on the victim mentally, emotionally, and physically. They feel bad about their behavior because it isn’t normal for them, and they aren’t abusive.
https://www.garbo.io/blog/reactive-abuse
This fine line works to the advantage of abusers. Manipulation can be a key part of abuse, meaning that abusers function best in gray areas where they can convince their victims that the abuse is justified, or that their actions aren’t abuse.
One particularly potent method of manipulation an abuser can use is to provoke their partner into reacting in a way that is out of character, whether that be lashing out or even violence.
This phenomenon is referred to as reactive abuse.
Reactive abuse occurs whenever the victim responds to abuse with what would in any other scenario be considered abuse. For example, perhaps the victim starts screaming back, or starts hitting back.
Reactive abuse is defined by the word “react.” Reactive abuse is provoked by continued abuse and is often a self-defense mechanism. It also is typically out of character for the person committing it — meaning that victims who were never before vocal or violent might begin acting this way as a result of their abuser’s actions.
This can lay the groundwork for further manipulation by the abuser. These explosive reactions can be used to justify the abuser’s actions, make the victim feel like they are unstable or crazy, or keep the victim in the relationship due to feelings of guilt.
Provoking a reaction is a method of manipulation as it is an easy way to frame a relationship to garner sympathy from others. A narcissistic abuser could record your reaction or provoke your reaction publicly in order to paint the situation as one that is your fault. They can even use this against you if you attempt to go to the police or report the abuse in any way.
It can also deeply shake a victim’s sense of self. If you find yourself feeling guilty for actions you didn’t think you were capable of or were in your character, you may be a victim of an abusive relationship. If you find that an individual provokes you to react in a way that is out of character, this is a major red flag.
A huge problem for victims is that our brains and bodies are often working against us. Reactive abuse stems from the body’s natural stress response, also known as fight, flight, or freeze. So, in a situation where the body perceives danger, it is often an unconscious or natural response to either prepare yourself to flee, freeze in the moment, or fight back.
The abuser can then use this response to claim that you are the problem.
Even if you reacted to the abuse, you are still a victim and are justified in seeking help and leaving that relationship.
Some advise using what is called the “grey rock method” when dealing with a manipulative or abusive individual. This approach involves becoming unresponsive to the abuser’s provocation, similar to a rock.
It is important to note, however, that this method can also be dangerous, and it isn’t recommended as a strategy by prominent abuse organizations.
Non-reaction can result in an escalation of the abuser’s behavior, and can distort the victim’s self image. Essentially, there is no concrete way to “deal with” abuse that doesn’t involve leaving the abusive relationship.
For anyone worried they might be in an abusive situation, help is available, and though it can seem impossible, you can leave the situation and start to recover.
