I accept that no matter how careful I am, these Adult Tenant Bullies will ALWAYS twist my words! They are determined to misunderstand me, no matter the topic!
I am ready, willing, and finally able, to let them go on their way and do what they will do. I have no control, so why concern myself? I made admissions to what I have done, and I forgive myself for them, as I have taken the lesson and learned from it. Of course, these Adult Tenant Bullies don’t care, they do what they want, think what they want, and say what they want. They just want to be Bullies! Their choice and they have to live with all their choices. I am taking this situation and learning from it, which is my choice. I refuse to allow their Bullying of me turn me into a bitter old woman! It’s not who I am and I refuse to be!
Awe well, it is history for me and what these people do, is entirely up to them. Nothing they do anymore has any effect on me or my life. I have learned what they do and it isn’t about me. That part is over for me, I am moving on and concentrating on myself, my education on human behaviour, and my mental health recovery. I have reached the point where I can now let it all go where it belongs, in the past! Time to focus on the present!
I wish them well and release them from my life.
I’ve been doing some retail therapy the past couple of days, buying books, even a workbook, the “Gaslighting Recovery Workbook”. I even bought more of Cherie White’s books! I have never owned a laptop, love my desktop where I can do so much more, but I bought one yesterday that will be here today. Retail therapy is nice sometimes! I wanted something I can use to on the road, to read and write on, as we are planning a road trip this summer. Hubby and I are going to play tourist and taking a couple of weeks to travel our beautiful province. Have some family I want to visit too that I have all over! I am excited about our summer plans! It will be a blast, especially seeing as everything is open again, no more restrictions in place! I will wear my mask tho, till I feel comfy taking it off.
I see my doctor Thursday coming about my ankle, as it feels great these days! I also get to find out what they will do about my knees that day too. I know I have knee replacement surgery ahead, I’ve been told that before. Awe well, time will tell. No sense in worrying about something not here yet and I know it won’t interfere with our summer plans. I finally broke down and bought a walker too, one of the those rollator things, as I know I will need one soon enough. Sometimes, it sucks getting old, but this is my life and I accept it.
I share below a article I found that explains what happens when someone deliberately twists your words. It is a nightmare of epic proportions! The best thing you can do when you find you are caught up in this treatment, especially from a Narcissist, is walk away. Let them be in their delusions, nothing you, or anyone else, says will ever make any difference to what they choose to think or do. They are determined to live in their fantasy world where you are the Villain in all aspects.
I am the villain in their lives and nothing anyone will ever say will change it! They are still too determined to blame other people, rather than be a Adult and accept responsibility for their actions. Everyone looking at these domains with stellareddy.com, can see what they are trying to do, so I will leave them to it. It has no reflection on me or my life anymore, it is all on them. They made that choice.
As it says below, I have a choice to cut these people out of my life, to cut anyone out, as I don’t need their drama and manufactured conflict. I don’t need to accept any these peoples actions in my life, and I won’t. You want to be nasty, go ahead, just do it somewhere else, like far away in Ontario while I continue to live my life in peace here in NL!
When it is all said and done, this is MY LIFE and Kory & Allison Read are not mind readers. Period. They can claim to know me, but we all know it is impossible, no matter how hard they try.
I am in the process of reading this book: “Overcome Gaslighting: How to Disarm Manipulative People, Break Free of Domestic Violence and Recover from Emotionally Abusive Relationships” and I also just bought this morning the book “Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself” and “Psychopath Free”. I have some reading to do!
I am determined to become smear free! To reach the point where the words of another has absolutely no effect on my emotions and I can never be Gaslighted ever again. I will live my life as I see fit, not base my decisions on assholes who have no authority in my life. Why would anyone ever value these Adult Tenant Bullies opinions over me anyway?
Do these people have any control over any aspect of my life anymore? Nope! They once did, with my employer and staff at various agencies, but once my hubby quit his job there and we left Ontario completely, any influence they may have had is now gone! Also, so much time has now passed since this occured, it is now relegated to history and no one cares anymore. I have seen evidence of this for myself!
I am content these days, even the return of stellareddy.com, won’t burst my bubble anymore! Off to get more education!
Living with an abusive person can make your life a nightmare. Don’t let them take control of your mind – find out how to get your life back.
“You’re just too sensitive!”
“That didn’t happen. You must be imagining things.”I don’t remember saying anything like that. You must have misunderstood me.”
Do these phrases seem familiar? Perhaps a little too familiar? If you hear them often, you might be a victim of abuse – gaslighting. It might mean that someone is manipulating you, making you not trust yourself. Someone is trying to take control of your life.
Gaslighting can happen everywhere – at work, in family, in a relationship.
It’s always okay to walk away from toxicity – no matter where it comes from.
In Overcome Gaslighting, you will discover:
- How to spot that you’re being manipulated
- How one word out loud can make a whole lot of change
- How bringing a friendly coworker to meetings can save your mental health
- What does the gaslighter really want from you?
- Why your cousin’s wedding might be your biggest nightmare
- Why compliments are not always your best friends
- What to do if you want to seek revenge on your abuser
- And much more
You are your own person who must fight. Become a warrior, a champion of your own mental health. Be one step ahead of your abuser – gain the tools to stop them and prevent them from doing you any harm.
You, too, can become impervious to the sneaky and manipulative ways of gaslighters.
What is word twisting?
Let’s start with what word twisting is, and also what it isn’t. Word twisting is when someone insists you really meant something that isn’t what you said. For example:
You: “I don’t feel like going out tonight.”
Them: “Oh, so what you’re really saying is you don’t like me anymore.”
Word twisting is not someone calling you out on your baloney when you know deep down you’re lying to them. If in the above example, you were actually planning to out with other people tonight and are totally lying to the person about it, then they’re not twisting your words.
Why do people twist words?
- Sometimes it’s that you’re absolutely right but it’s a truth they’re not ready to acknowledge.
- Sometimes they just like a fight. Some people seem to get energized by a long, pointless argument. I find it draining, and have plenty of better ways to spend my time and energy.
- And sometimes they want to let you know how little your thoughts or feelings matter to them.
How can I stop them?
This is who they are. They will not stop doing this.
Letting them get by with it is not going to reward you or them, and it may even encourage them to do it more. If you have any suspicion you’re in a close relationship with this type of word twister, you may actually be dealing with an emotionally abusive narcissist.
When your word twister is just argumentative (the second type), you may be able to enlighten them about better argument strategies. Most people learn argument from their parents, and many people don’t know how to have healthy arguments.
Some people are willing to learn, if only you explain to them why their tendency to look for a fight is obnoxious, and what you wish they’d do instead.
If you’re delivering a truth they just can’t handle, stick to your guns mercilessly but politely. Tell them they’re deflecting the point; that’s not what you said; everything they’re saying is irrelevant and they can either deal with what you really said or go away.
There’s nothing you can do with a bully/bigot. If you find this person doesn’t pull this on everyone, but just on people “like you” (i.e., his opposite political party, or a different religion, gender, race, etc.), then you’re dealing with a bully or bigot.
There’s not much one can do with bullies or bigots, especially if they’re in authority. It’s time to go to someone who has authority over them, if possible – especially if you’re reasonably sure the people above them don’t share their attitude.
Dealing with unreasonable people is never easy, and rarely rewarding. I avoid it whenever it’s humanly possible – even if it’s family.
That’s my preferred strategy. But sometimes it’s important to clarify things – for example, when an impressionable young person is listening and you don’t want them to think you agree.
Helpful phrases, all of which you should utter in a calm, pleasant but firm tone to show how reasonable you are being, include:
- “That’s not what I said. You’re twisting my words, and I’m done here.” And then walk away. You have to refuse to talk about it anymore, because their first assumption is usually that you’re just playing hard to get. That you really want to have this long silly argument with them, and you’re making it difficult because you’re as big a drama queen as they are.
- “Feel free to have the last word. I’m sure you’re going to anyway.” This is especially helpful if other people are in on the discussion. It forces them to shut up or prove you right.
- “Whatever. I told you that’s not what I said, but you keep saying it is, so I guess you’re a mind-reader.” Sometimes you just have to accept that someone is determined to believe the worst of you and let it go. This little declaration tells them you can’t be manipulated into a prolonged argument that they’ll enjoy and you’ll find draining.