I have gained quite a collection of books on various traits of toxic people and narcissism. Since I got a Library Card, I’ve been going all out, reading a new book almost every week and some I can’t loan, I buy. I recently ordered the Book From Charm to Harm but it hasn’t shown up yet. I had trouble finding that one!
I am a fast reader and I have very good comprehension, especially now that my brain fog has cleared. I love reading, though I am not into reading politics. I believe you are never too old to learn something new, no matter the topic. Reading expands the mind and gives you different perspectives.
Below you will find an excerpt from the new book I recently started about Gaslighting. Dealing with Gaslighting is about self-control, self-awareness, and empathy to manage your emotions so you can combat the effects of it. You need to become so confident in yourself and your version of events that nothing the gaslighter can say, will make you doubt what you know to be true.
I have been slowly collecting a list of all the gaslighting I was shown by Toxic Tenants, including all their personal projections, into a list. It helps me to lay it all out in point form so I can focus on the logic, not the emotion the words produce.
I am working on my emotional intelligence so I can manage my emotions better… It is the only way to recover!
I am off now for a bit of retail therapy! I am in the mood to go shopping… lol
Gaslighting: The Comprehensive Guide to Recognize a Lying, Manipulative and Narcissist Person to Get Rid of a Toxic Relationship and Get Back Your Life
Managing Actions and Thoughts Using Emotional Intelligence
Gaslighting narcissists will always tend to get under your skin. They feel mentally satisfied as they embarrass you, shame you, call you out or disgrace you. As you react without thinking of anything, they get the feeling that they have got power over you. You will have to determine ways in which you react so that you can keep yourself responsible for your decisions and choices. Emotional intelligence is the power of managing your emotions. It is about self-control, self-awareness, and empathy.
Chapter 12: Dealing With the Effects of Gaslighting
The worst thing about narcissistic gaslighting is that it tends to deny the victim of the real world. It tells them that they did not see what they saw with their eyes, or they did not hear what they heard. Gaslighting tells victims that their perceptions are wrong all the time. There are many people worldwide who have been the victims of this form of abuse at one point in their lives or the other. Here are some of the ways in which you can deal with the overall effects of gaslighting.
Being defiant is all about holding on to the story of your abuse. It involves having faith in your edition of events and not letting them be changed on demand. A gaslighter will always try to bully you into accepting their edition of reality. However, you will have to give your best to trust the version of the real world you have. Staying defiant also involves you realizing what makes some difference to you, and you do not let it be meddled with or adjusted by someone else. It is about getting attuned to your own internal voice that tends to know a lot better than everything that is said by someone else. There is no need to contend or argue with the gaslighting narcissist. You just require to be with your choices with full confidence. Staying defiant can also make you resilient in the face of abuse.
Accepting There Will Never Be Accountability on the Narcissist’s Part
It is never going to be the case that a gaslighting narcissist will take responsibility for all that they do. It is because they are not aware of how to acknowledge their misdeeds as they are not someone who can use reason and logic in any situation. On your part, you need to maintain a nice record of the events as they take place. A gaslighting narcissist is never going to acknowledge that they are utilizing tactics of gaslighting for manipulation. In case you think that you are a gaslighting victim, keeping a record of all those things that have been said and done to you by the other person is a great way of determining who is right and who is wrong. Noting down things, specifically, changes that take place between you and a gaslighting narcissist, can provide a great defense for you as you get manipulated. Solid written proof of any incorrect exchange can act as a shield against anyone trying to mislead you. You will be able to comprehend reality as you get questioned.
Getting Rid of the Desire for Things to Be a Bit Different
Your desire or hope for the gaslighter to change is never going to prevail. Wishing things to be different is like having the hope that after some time, the gaslighter will start using reasons and logic while dealing with you. After several instances of failed promises, a gaslighter might still try to come around to make some promise that the bad things are never going to happen again. In case you genuinely desire things to be different, you would see how the gaslighter tends to manipulate you with their promises. A narcissistic gaslighter will always make an effort to move the base you stand on. You will need to stop desiring they would alter their nature as things or events might turn out to be different later. You will need to accept the situation and determine ways in which you can empower yourself.
Building Healthy Detachment
Getting detached from a gaslighting situation does not indicate a complete detachment from the real world. It only determines the difference between the real world and the narcissist’s world. A healthy detachment indicates that you do not require the narcissist to validate what reality stands for you. It also includes the development of healthy coping mechanisms. One of the best ways of doing this is writing. Indeed, certain circumstances can make you stay in close association with a gaslighting narcissist. However, it would be better for you if you could get rid of the relationship altogether. No one can change a gaslighting narcissist. In case there is a chance that a narcissist does not change their harmful conduct, leaving the connection will be a better choice for your emotional and psychological wellbeing.
Never allow the gaslighter to persuade you that things will turn out to be special if you be with them. Again, asking you to stay could be another sign of gaslighting. It is because someone who wants to change genuinely will identify what they did wrong and will apologize for the bad behaviors. They will be willing to give in efforts so that they can make the relationship work.
We all know that narcissists have psychological problems that they are never willing to address. So, they tend to project all their wounds on other people and get harsh and harmful to them. It can be said that the way they treat you is an indication of how they think of themselves. The truth is that a gaslighter might just never concede or acknowledge all that they do. For the majority of their part, they cannot believe that what they are doing is wrong. All that can be done is to recall that there is nothing that you can do in any other way. There is no place for rational thinking for a gaslighter. You should not be bearing the responsibility. You will have to comprehend that their wrongdoings are not your shortcomings. While the primary goal of gaslighting is to wear you out, it is essential to be as careful and defiant as possible.
As you get to know the true meaning of gaslighting, you will be aware of your options. You will get close to the enlightening reality of the circumstances so that you can decide what works better for you. The goal of all these strategies is to make you understand that a gaslighting narcissist will require control over your life. It is the reason why they try to keep you away from being able to make your life independent and autonomous as you can expect under the effect of the circumstances. You need to dedicate all your time to your own friends and interests. Try to be dedicated to your life as much as you can for a better life ahead.