Yesterday was awesome!! Beautiful weather for a walk!
I had an appointment for a CT-Scan yesterday afternoon at the Hospital, which isn’t far from where I live in the City. I am claustrophobic so those machines are not helpful for that but I learned to close my eyes, concentrate on my breathing, and pretend I am somewhere else, and it works for me. It is amazing what you can tolerate when you are determined to do so! I do that in elevators too, especially when it is full!
There are times my age and life experiences are very helpful for me, as I have learned many tools over my lifetime that help me navigate!
My test went fine and I will see the Orthopedic Specialist I have next month for the results. I will deal with those when it comes. I learned not to stress myself out over thinking “what ifs” when it comes to my health, as it makes my anxiety worse.
As we had fantastic weather, it was sunny and 13 celsius, I decided to walk downtown from the Hospital! By the time I made it to the bottom of the hill, my legs felt like jelly but I felt great!
I love this City, St. John’s. There is so much history here and so many amazing things to see and experience. The Nature here is awesome and no matter where you go, you see greenery and so much colour to everything. I step outside my home and I can smell the salty air!
St. John’s is very hilly though which is hard on my legs and back, but I manage. Going downhill is a lot easier than going up!! I pace myself and go slow, and I am fine. The slow pace allows me to take it all in! I don’t rush anything anymore, and enjoy the slower pace!
Every time I go out of my house, I see something new and I have such a sense of awe over where I live and what I get to see every day. I do consider myself very fortunate that I get to live here in such an amazing city! No matter how many times I see the harbour, it always amazes me!
It is also nice to be recognized. I did some shopping while I was downtown yesterday and as I go to these stores regularly, they recognize me now when I walk in. In a smaller city, regular shoppers are remembered easier than if they had a steady crowd so your shopping becomes more personal and it is more a social event than anything else.
I am greatly enjoying building my own sense of Community here! Since I lost the fear and extreme anxiety about being out in public where I could be recognized for those websites online in my name and be attacked in some way, it has become so much easier for me. As I become more authentic to myself and my needs, the less stress I feel.
I had an amazing experience yesterday while I was out that I want to share, as it was very empowering for me. I was recognized yesterday, for my own Facebook profile. Someone actually came up to me and asked if I was Sunshine Lorrie on Facebook and when I said yes, she told me she loves my posts! I woke up this morning to a Friend Request from her, which I accepted. She said she enjoys reading the articles, posters, and pictures I share on my profile. What a positive experience to have!! It just reinforced for me that the Bullying Tenants have done in my name online is history!
Back when I found lorriereddy.com, I started posting some of my stuff on Facebook as public, as I refuse to hide anymore from their antics online.
If someone wanted to comment to me about that website, lorriereddy.com, and the sites linked there of stellareddy.com, I welcome it these days, I have nothing to hide from. I do still share some things just with my friends on there, such as personal pictures taken with other people and some of my more personal posts, but everything else is public. No one has said anything…
It has become important for me to show myself to others these days and stop hiding away, as facing these things does make me stronger and shows me my fears were unreasonable and not to be believed. I don’t listen to my anxiety anymore, I do things anyway. It has become a lot easier over time.
I am very grateful and thankful for where I am at this stage in my life. I have survived many things in my lifetime so far, I am confident I can survive many more. I look at my future and I see a life of peace and freedom to be myself.
It is almost 7 years since I moved to Kennedy Rd to work there, and it seems like a lifetime ago now. I am now 57 years old and am building the life I want to have, not what I am obligated to do. I am building my authentic life!!
Below, I share an article on Psychology Today that I read last evening on “What it really means to be yourself”. There are also so many articles I found on WordPress with similar themes that show me I can do this if I put the effort into it.
I am putting in the effort to become my authentic self by giving myself permission to notice what I am feeling, sensing, and thinking at this moment, and I am willing to show that to others when it feels right to do so. By holding myself with respect and dignity it is displacing my real or imagined thoughts about how I am being perceived by others.
Once I started releasing all the toxic shame of being Bullied by Tenants that started in the workplace, I caused it to lose its grip and I no longer care about their toxic judgments. I have no control over what they do, but I can control how I react to it.
While I still have my moments, I recover much faster. I don’t stay negative for too long anymore these days and it has been very beneficial for my mental well-being.
As we come to recognize when shame is operating and how it stifles our life energy, it begins to loosen its destructive grip. Gradually, we can honor and stand behind ourselves, regardless of how others might see us or judge us. We increasingly realize that we have no control over what others think about us, and we’re no longer so concerned about it. Holding ourselves with respect and dignity becomes increasingly ascendant — displacing our real or imagined thoughts about how we’re being perceived by others. We delight in the discovery of how freeing and empowering it is to be our authentic self.
Being authentic is a verb, not a noun. It’s a process of noticing the ever-changing flow of experiencing inside us, apart from the contaminating influences of shame and our inner critic. We give ourselves permission to notice what we’re feeling, sensing, and thinking in this moment—and we’re willing to congruently show that when it feels “right” to do so.
Shame recedes by flashing the healing light of mindfulness upon it and working with it gently and skillfully. By recognizing that we have shame, but that we are not the shame, we can more freely enjoy the precious gift of being alive.
I am sharing here a collection of pictures I took yesterday on my walk Downtown so you can see some of the scenery that I do. One thing about St. John’s, it doesn’t look bland!! I cropped the last picture so you can see the Mural painted on the side of the building there. Downtown is very colourful and full of old things mixed with new… I have greatly enjoyed investigating all the changes that have occurred over the last 22 years while I lived in Ontario.
