May 17, 2024 Ramblings

Will I Ever Be Me Again?

Will I Ever Be Me Again? Maybe not the same you, but a wiser you! You can absolutely heal and feel happy again!

Mental Health Recovery

Leaving Ontario in the Fall of 2020 was undoubtedly a difficult decision, but one that I am grateful for making. Starting over isn’t as hard as we think…I am so much happier these days, even though some of my current topics are so negative.

The familiar sights, sounds, and smells of home embraced me in a warm hug, and I knew that I had made the right choice. The peace of mind and sense of safety I now possess is immeasurable, and I am truly content with my decision to move back home. The slower pace of life, the tight-knit community, and the stunning natural beauty that surrounds me daily all contribute to my newfound sense of well-being. I have recovered my sense of self here in NL!

Moving away from problematic tenants living in Ontario almost 4 years ago was a necessary step for me, despite their relentless attempts to hold on through the persistent use of stellareddy.com and the other sites they have. Their toxic behaviour left me with no choice but to part ways and seek a healthier living situation, away from the fear their sites generated for me. I am glad I did!

While they still try to keep control of my actions through stellareddy.com, I am reaching the point where I no longer care. I am becoming more confident in who I am and no longer feel so negative! I was even told recently I don’t need regular counselling anymore!!

Living in a Province with just over 500 Thousand people compared to a Province with over 14 Million people makes a big difference in my fear level. There is less chance here that people will care what these strangers have to say about me and over time, I am accepting that no matter what they write, I shouldn’t care either.

Not one person has bothered me about their websites here since I moved here. That is a wonderful sign for me that it is time to move on and forget about the antics in my name they continue to try and do. Nothing they do will ever affect my life, I see that now.

I am filled with a deep desire to revamp my website and delve into a new realm of topics that truly resonate with my soul. There are countless narratives about my home, my journey, and my philosophies that I am eager to pour into my posts.

However, the looming presence of toxic individuals who are ready to misinterpret and manipulate my words within the confines of stellareddy.com fills me with hesitation and apprehension. Still, with every day that passes, I feel less hypervigilant! They are being ignored here so I might as well start ignoring them too!

I am slowly getting there… My desire to start over my website and fill it with all the positivity I feel inside is getting stronger! So, please, do not be surprised if you see a whole new site show up one day soon!

I have done all I could legally to try and get them to leave me alone for the past 8 years. The owners just want to ignore them and do nothing, even still. I have spoken to lawyers here and in Ontario, Police in various jurisdictions, and I even went to Members of Parliament here in Canada! I have complained to everyone I could, all with no success. At least, I have spread the word about their toxic behaviour!

I have emailed hosting companies for their sites every time they move them, and even emailed their domain registrars. While I got them suspended at times, they just moved them and started all over again! My only option is the Civil Court in Ontario but that isn’t worth the hassle to me. I don’t have the funds for it nor do I have the patience to wait for the next few years for it to go through the system. Why waste more time and energy on toxic people who don’t deserve it?

While I enjoy sharing all I have learned about toxic traits and narcissism, and how this knowledge has helped in my recovery from their antics in my name online, it is too much negativity for me these days that I no longer feel. I no longer want to be mired in all this negativity they have brought to my life with their behaviour!

Life goes on and things change. Now that I know their antics are not getting them anywhere, I feel so much better, and so much safer, in moving on and ignoring them! While my education may never be complete, I have learned enough to feel more confident and safer in just living my life and know I no longer need to worry about any interference they could cause.

I am grateful for the opportunity to rediscover the joys of living in NL. This move has brought me clarity, happiness, and a renewed sense of purpose. I am excited for my future and all the adventures that await me here in my beloved hometown. I have so many plans for the coming summer! Home truly is where the heart is, and I am grateful to have found my way back.

Surgical Recovery

I am thrilled with the progress I have made in my recovery from the spine surgery I underwent nearly three weeks ago! I am experiencing increased mobility and significantly reduced pain, and I am eagerly looking forward to spending time outdoors this weekend. I have even started to take on some light tasks around the house.

I am now able to spend more time at my computer, reducing the need for mindless TV to pass the time. The forecast for tomorrow promises a beautiful day, and I am excited about making use of our new BBQ and taking a brief stroll around the neighbourhood. It will be nice to sit outside for a bit!

While there were some challenging days along the way, they are now behind me, and I am filled with gratitude. I achieved a personal victory yesterday by taking a shower independently. The incision staples have been removed for a week now, and the healing of the staple holes is progressing well. The steri-strips are almost ready to come off too, and I can hardly wait to resume my relaxing baths.

In the upcoming weeks, as the strength in my legs gradually returns, I hope to venture out more. Walking is slowly becoming easier, with brief breaks to rest along the way. Although my right leg remains somewhat weak, I am working on building its strength daily by pacing the hallway in our home. I am determined!

I have started to notice improvements, but I am still unable to stand in one place for extended periods due to lingering discomfort in my back. While I do not require my cane for support indoors, I will be sure to bring it along when heading outside, just in case.

I am optimistic that soon I will be back to exploring the beautiful city I call home and enjoying the summer season to the fullest.


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