June 23, 2022 Ramblings by Stella Reddy

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I apologize, I have gotten slack on reading posts I follow, but plan to catch up this afternoon, while I sit outside, relaxing, so no worries, I will catch up!

I have been into some very emotional stuff the past week or so, writing my book, and sharing posts on here, of things I come across. I guess you can tell by my recent posts, the things I have been working through.

I must say, it is helping me release it more, to re-read these missives and see it all more clearly than I did before. I can read it now with no emotions clogging it up for me and see the words for what they are, emotional manipulations. I am proud of how far I have come in my recovery.

We have also been having a lot of really nice weather too and I have been outside enjoying it most afternoons. I went around yesterday and took pictures of all the beautiful flowers coming up in my backyard oasis! I spent a heavy morning re-reading so many of these Adult Tenant Bullies documents and needed a break from it. By lunch time, I walk away from my computer, sometimes earlier, and just live my life and do other things.

It has become easy for me these days to drop all this from my mind when I want too. I close down my stuff, and after a few minutes of deep breathing, I am okay and don’t think about it again, till the next morning. Even some days, I don’t bother with it at all! I can take only so much negativity these days, as I want to live with positivity! I am happy I don’t get caught up in so many emotions anymore over this situation.

I am taking July off. No book and no posts.

I have so many plans made for the month, I don’t want to think about anything else, except to have some fun! Between the road trip, and Boat Tour, and all the excursions before and after we have booked, it will be a busy month. August is looking to be almost as busy, with the week of our Anniversary booked too. I am also going to see Matchbox Twenty in concert Aug 13! Then there is the Folk Festival, the George Street Festival. We have tickets for the George Street Festival, gotta see Allen Doyle in concert from Great Big Sea! Ya never know, I might even have a drink! I haven’t had alcohol since I got so sick New Years in 2003!

My plan is to experience as much as my Province has to offer this summer. To get out and about and do things in my community that I wasn’t able to do last year. I am excited! I’ll even get to see it all better too now!

I had to get new glasses… I was having trouble with the dollar store reading glasses I have, as I find it isn’t strong enough anymore, so went and got my eyes checked. Imagine, the cost of eye exams have risen so much since the last time I had it done, it has doubled…. 🙂 But, it was needed and my eyes must be one of the most healthy parts I have, besides the vision.  The cost of glasses has also risen quite a bit since the last time hubby bought them.  He wears glasses all the time, and now I will have too as well, not just for the reading. Seems my distance was also going, I didn’t know how much till she had me looking in the viewer. I will be able to drive at night now once again without halos coming at me! I am excited to get my new glasses!

You have no idea how ecstatic I have been feeling these days, with being able to go out in public, with no fear. I have gone to various Markets and even a Pet Show last weekend. There are a lot of people at these places, big crowds, and I have absolutely no fear of attack. It is all gone these days and you have no idea how happy I am over that. I can go to Festivals and Concerts and not feel any anxiety over it anymore, as I have done it!

Yes, convincing my mind I have nothing to fear from people, is very important to my recovery and I have done everything I could think of to put myself in front of my worst fears, and face them. It is important for me to know I am safe from attack, all because of the written words of a previous tenant online. I bring out all my fears, one at a time, and put myself in that position, on purpose, to expose myself to it and all the feelings that come with it, and work my way through it. I have too.  I want to learn all I can from this experience, to educate myself, so I can live free of it in my future.

Even writing on this site, I am facing my fear of exposing my deepest feelings to the world. Having total strangers read my thoughts, is a lot for me but I do it, as I need to do so. Kory Read made his interpretation of my personal life, very public, so I have to make my story, public as well. They are Smear Campaigners and Adult Bullies, who created an elaborate smear campaign on the internet in various domains.

I have a life to live and refuse to make it about Kory & Allison Read, and what they did to me, any more than I have too. I write, and with my writing, I release all the nasty negative emotions that went with it, into the past, where it belongs. My writing is helping me find the closure to this situation, that I never got.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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