Stella Reddy's Story

The idea in this article I believe is based on CBT therapy, as it involves changing the narratives you tell yourself about your life experiences and situations you face in everyday living.

You have the power to create new narratives and reach your goals by observing your brain at work. You can even laugh at your brain, overriding its power and activating your free will to do, feel, believe, and behave differently, realizing growth you can be proud of.

Bullying is a painful experience that can have lasting effects on an individual. It is important to acknowledge that being bullied is something that I cannot change. However, what I have been able to change is how I perceive and respond to bullying.

In the beginning, the severeity of the bullying significantly impacted my self-esteem and self-worth. It felt like an insurmountable challenge, engulfing me in negativity and self-doubt. The scars left behind were not only visible on the surface but also deeply ingrained within my mind.

But through introspection and self-reflection, I have gradually shifted my perspective. I have recognized that the power lies not in the act of being bullied, but rather in how I choose to perceive and react to it. This realization has enabled me to exercise my own free will and take control of my thoughts and emotions.

By observing my own thought patterns and becoming aware of the negative beliefs that were holding me back, I have been able to challenge and reframe them. It has been a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. I have consciously worked on cultivating a more positive mindset, focusing on my strengths and accomplishments rather than dwelling on the hurtful words or actions of these Toxic Tenants.

Through this process, I have gained a sense of empowerment and resilience. I have learned to detach myself from the negativity and understand that the bullying I experienced does not define who I am as a person.

While I cannot change the past, I can shape my present and future. By actively choosing to react differently, I have witnessed significant growth within myself. I am proud of the person I have become – someone who has learned to rise above adversity, cultivate self-love, and find strength in my own resilience.

Remember, each individual’s journey is unique, and what works for me may not work for another. However, the essence lies in reclaiming control over our own minds, embracing our inner strength, and rewriting our narratives in a way that empowers us.

I found myself caught up in automatic reactions. However, taking a step back and approaching these situations with a level of objectivity lead me to alternative and more beneficial ways of moving forward.

By recognizing my automatic reactions, I began to understand that they did not always serve me well. This awareness is the first step in implementing change. It enabled me to pause, reflect, and consider different perspectives or approaches that lead to more positive outcomes.

Through this process, I gained a clearer understanding of the situation at hand and could make more informed decisions. I found new possibilities. This shift in mindset enabled me to break free from patterns that had limited me in the past, allowing me to navigate challenges with greater effectiveness and adaptability. I set myself free!

The act of stepping back from automatic reactions was a conscious effort to approach this situation with a fresh perspective. It served as a valuable tool for personal growth, enabling me to break free from unhelpful patterns and embrace more constructive ways of dealing. So, remember to take a moment, reflect, and explore alternative paths for a brighter and more fulfilling journey.

Rather than reacting and constantly wondering “why” these Tenants were doing their sites and trying to figure them out, I had to change my focus and put it on myself instead. I came to accept I will never figure them out nor will I know why they do what they do but I can change my reactions to all they do. I had to work on my thinking about this situation to get away from the fears I was having.

In the earlier days, I was defensive and very confused over where the allegations were coming from and flabbergasted over the tenant’s actions on the property of spreading gossip and rumours. I felt resigned over the fact that no one was willing to stand up to them and demand evidence of their claims in the beginning after they sent that letter in August 2016 as I wanted to do.

However, the turning point came in October 2017 when the Owners received the paperwork for the Divisional Court Appeal. It was at this crucial moment that they realized the seriousness and determination displayed by the Tenants.

The Tenants created a website, 859kennedyroad.com, on November 2, 2017. This website stood as a testament to their persistence, proudly displaying their stance and determination for all to see. Over the course of two years, this site remained the sole source of their online representation, which changed over time. The creation and modifications to the website, combined with the negative intent behind them, exposed the lengths some individuals are willing to go to pursue their agenda.

Throughout that period, as I anxiously awaited the resolution of their appeal, I found myself trapped in a nightmarish cycle. From the moment they submitted their appeal in October 2017 until the day I finally decided to resign from my job on July 4, 2018, my life seemed consumed by the constant need to comb through the depths of the internet in search of any mention of my name. The insidious actions of these Toxic Tenants had left an indelible mark on my psyche.

Every day, multiple times a day, I would find myself compulsively scouring the internet, looking for my name associated with them and their sites. But what I discovered only deepened my despair. Facebook became a haunting ground, where they had unleashed a barrage of disparaging content about me. Fortunately, I was able to successfully have it removed, but the scars from those encounters remained.

Breaking free from this toxic habit proved to be a monumental challenge. Even after all this time has passed, I still catch myself succumbing to the urge to search for my name online. It’s as if I have become conditioned to anticipate the worst, haunted by the lingering effects of their actions. Yet, despite the ongoing struggle, I have managed to gradually reduce the frequency of these searches to just once a week.

The toll that this experience has taken on me is immeasurable. It has tested my resilience and forced me to confront the darkest corners of my own mind. Each brief moment of respite from this obsessive cycle is a small victory, a step towards regaining control over my own narrative. Though I may bear the scars of this ordeal, I refuse to let it define me.

As I reflect upon this nightmare in my life, I am reminded of the importance of resilience, self-care, and the power of healing. It is through these means that I strive to reclaim my sense of self and move forward, leaving behind the shadows of those Toxic Tenants and the torment they inflicted.

I have come to realize that once you become consciously aware of something, it becomes an inseparable part of your mind. It is as if a small seed has been planted, gradually taking root and growing into a towering tree of knowledge, its branches expanding in all directions, touching upon various aspects of your life.

This constant influx of knowledge can be both exhilarating and overwhelming. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that this process of awareness can also bring about uncertainty and challenges. When your perception shifts, your worldview may undergo a transformation. Yet, this journey of growth and self-discovery is an essential part of the human experience.

I did it by questioning my thoughts and writing a new narrative in my brain. It was a transformative process where I actively examined the beliefs and assumptions that shaped my perception of the situation. By challenging the negative thoughts that plagued my mind, I gradually began to see things from a different perspective.

Moreover, I learned an invaluable lesson from observing their internet activities over time – it became apparent that their online presence and actions were benign. Contrary to my initial concerns, their online endeavours did not cause harm to anyone, not even to the business of renting! It was a comforting realization that brought a sense of relief.

During this journey, I encountered inquiries about the websites and their contents, but surprisingly, these questions were not posed in a negative or hostile manner. Instead, they stemmed from a genuine curiosity and desire to understand more about the issues.

This experience has taught me the importance of critically examining my own thoughts and assumptions. It has shown me that sometimes my own fears and concerns can be alleviated by seeking out alternative viewpoints and engaging in constructive conversations.

So, through a process of introspection, learning, and dialogue, I have not only overcome my initial apprehensions but also allowed myself to grow and evolve. This journey has imparted valuable lessons that I can carry forward in various aspects of my life.

Generally, people see those domains as acts of revenge for evicting them. I had to learn to see it that way too and accept they are nobodies trying to become somebodies by using others, by making false allegations of racism in today’s climate. They show everyone their toxic traits very clearly in their internet activities!

It’s truly unfortunate that some individuals resort to using internet domains as a means of seeking retribution or vengeance. While it can be difficult to comprehend or empathize with such behaviour, it is crucial to remember that people are often driven by their own motivations and life experiences.

By creating these domains, The Tenants may believe that they are asserting their power or influence in some way. However, it is important to recognize that genuine significance and fulfillment come from more positive and constructive endeavours. Resorting to false allegations, particularly related to sensitive topics like racism, not only perpetuates harmful stereotypes but also undermines the broader fight against discrimination and inequality.

It’s disheartening to witness the toxic traits and negative energy that can manifest through such online activities. As a society, we must strive to foster empathy, respect, and open dialogue to address the underlying issues that drive such behaviour, rather than resorting to acts of vengeance or vindication.

Getting an education on toxic traits and narcissism, speaking to counsellors who helped me change my thinking about this situation, and getting support from various officials, I have learned that the only person allowing their actions to hurt me was me.

By delving into my own personal growth journey, I discovered the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing red flags in relationships. It was crucial for me to understand that toxicity and narcissism are not my burden to carry, but rather a reflection of the other person’s insecurities and issues. With this newfound knowledge and self-awareness, I was able to break free from the cycle of toxicity and take back control of my own happiness.

Along the way, I discovered the power of self-care and self-love. Through practicing mindfulness, engaging in activities that brought me joy, and surrounding myself with positive influences, I started to rebuild my self-esteem and regain my confidence. It wasn’t an easy journey, but the progress I made was worth every effort.

Additionally, I found solace in sharing my experience and supporting others who may be going through similar situations. By raising awareness about toxic traits and narcissism, I hope to empower individuals to recognize and break free from toxic patterns in their own lives. Together, we can foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships, both with ourselves and with others.

My journey of learning about toxic traits and narcissism has been a transformative one. I have not only gained valuable insights into the behaviours of others but also discovered the incredible strength and resilience within myself. Through education, self-reflection, and a commitment to personal growth, I am now better equipped to navigate relationships and protect my own well-being.

Anyone else only has the power to hurt my feelings, if I let them. I learned how to stop letting them by accepting they are toxic and looking for revenge, trying to hurt me for doing my job by picking apart my every word and action, pretending to be a know-it-all who knows how to do it better.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s crucial to recognize that toxic Tenant’s opinions and criticism should not define my self-worth. It’s easy to allow negativity to seep into my mind and dampen my spirits, but it’s important to remember that I hold the key to my own happiness and emotional well-being.

It takes strength and resilience to rise above judgment and negativity. When I came to understand that their opinions of others are simply reflections of their own insecurities and dissatisfaction, it becomes easier to detach myself from the hurt they try to inflict. Instead of internalizing their remarks, I can choose to focus on my own growth, learning, and self-improvement.

By shifting my perspective, I was able to transform criticism into opportunities for self-reflection and personal development. Rather than allowing the words of the Tenants to undermine my confidence, I used them as motivation to prove my competence and showcase my capabilities.

It’s important to surround ourselves with positivity and constructive feedback from those who genuinely support us. Seeking guidance and advice from mentors and trusted individuals helped me navigate through these challenging situations and fostered personal growth. Building a strong support network of like-minded individuals who appreciated my efforts also boosted my resilience and shielded me from the detrimental effects of negativity.

Remember, we have the power to choose which voices to listen to and which ones to filter out. We can let go of the need for validation from others and cultivate a sense of self-assurance from within. By focusing on our own progress and goals, we can embrace a healthier and more empowered mindset.

So, the next time someone tries to bring you down or inject negativity into your life, remind yourself that their words only have power if you grant it to them. Stay true to yourself, keep growing, and focus on your own journey toward personal and professional fulfillment.

We all have the courage to grow beyond our current circumstances and change our thinking by having the determination to do it. I wanted to change, it was in my best interests to change for my own benefit, so I found a way to do that, as I am worth it!

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/wander-woman/202307/how-to-have-the-courage-to-grow

How to Have the Courage to Grow

The secret to personal growth is to overpower your brain.

Posted August 2, 2023 |  Reviewed by Davia Sills

KEY POINTS

• The brain prefers self-preservation to self-actualization, and it must be outsmarted.
• It takes courage to explore the stories that direct someone’s everyday behavior.
• Throughout the day, people should stop and ask what story has directed their current actions.
• They can try on new stories, repeating the narratives until they feel they are real.

Your brain is designed to keep you safe. This objective can help you escape physical danger without much thought. Yet your brain doesn’t differentiate physical from mental danger. It wants you to feel certain about the outcomes of your behavior instead of facing the danger of trying new things even when you know the outcomes are not ideal.

Author and psychotherapist Virginia Satir said, “People prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty.” Your brain prefers self-preservation over self-actualization.

Unfortunately, it could take an accident or crisis to bring the truth of a situation to light. A damaging result can break down the walls of your defensive brain. You then look back and see the errors in your thinking. Hopefully, you commit to making a change based on what you learn from your mistakes before your memory overrides the pain and you return to the same-old unsatisfactory behavior.

To help reveal the stories and mental models your brain is using to direct your behavior throughout your day, stop what you are doing, and consider these questions and steps:

1. Ask yourself: “What feels important about what I am doing?” Write down your thoughts without censoring them.
2. Read your words as if someone else wrote them. Ask, “What beliefs are forming these thoughts? What assumptions am I holding that are keeping me from acting differently?”
3. Notice your impulse to defend your choices. These statements are the idea threads holding your story together. Then say the opposite idea out loud, even if it feels ridiculous.
4. Be creative. Try on a few new thoughts. Play with shifting your thoughts and the story until you feel you are more in control of your narrative.
5. Ask yourself what could stop you from changing. What are you afraid will happen? What could you gain if you tried to create a new habit and story?
6. Write down the new story you want to embed in your brain. Read it at least twice each day, early in the morning and again before you sleep, until you feel it is real.

Because of your protective instincts, you may struggle with evaluating and changing your stories on your own. When someone else summarizes, paraphrases, and repeats back to you the words you say and the stories that emerge, you might be able to see the gaps in your logic that are keeping you stuck. Consider hiring a coach to help you hear your thoughts and ask you the questions that will help you stop, think, and change your mind.

You have the power to create new narratives and reach your goals by observing your brain at work. You can even laugh at your brain, overriding its power and activating your free will to do, feel, believe, and behave differently, realizing growth you can be proud of.