Everything changed for me when I decided that these Toxic Adult Bullies would be a lesson for me on very toxic traits, rather than my enemy. They as individuals are not important, their actions in my personal name on the internet and in person, are!
Handling Adult Bullies!
I have no interest in them as individuals, they are just Toxic Adult Bullies now, nameless and faceless once again, I just have an interest in the actions they have done against me on the websites they own in my personal name they stole to use. These websites have been online since the first one showed up on November 2, 2017, and I have every right to be upset over them! They were written by Tenants who have no clue about my personal life to disparage it that way.
stellareddy.com isn’t my website, neither is lorriereddy.com, 859kennedyroad.com, davidstrashin.com, sjtomemberkevinlundy,com, nor socialjusticetribunalsontario.ca. All of these sites contain my name and picture, put there by the anonymous administrator intent on Bullying me with the content within them and hoping to sic the general public after me! Their content shows they hate me and are looking for others to hate me with them!
I have come to see that their sites are put there as attempts to control their Targets by causing shame for their words, don’t matter if it is true or not. Toxic Shame has a tendency to cause Targets to become quiet out of fear of more abuse!
I spoke up during HRTO and I was abused by them more, and after, when I became quiet, they looked for a way to get me going again, which was the emails they sent on March 1, 2021. Then came the lorriereddy.com site on July 8, 2022, after they finally found my new Facebook they could share there. I speak up, I was abused for it, I was quiet, and I was abused for it.
Nothing I did got them to stop, so I started to ignore them as people and focus instead on their actions and learning about those traits instead. I learned to turn inward and started worrying about myself and my own feelings over what they were doing and it changed everything for me! Focusing on learning about the many traits I was being exposed to, like gaslighting, manipulation, triangulation and narcissism, helped me way more than personally attacking them as people. I educated myself on the traits I was seeing and feeling and learned how to combat them, which is what saved my sanity.
I wish I found this article sooner! I do regret some of my “reactions” to being Bullied during the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario process over that 19 months. I learned about Reactive Abuse, as that was what I was doing. Unfortunately, my strong emotions took over for a while! I didn’t follow #3 below at all until towards the end! I had a hard time keeping my cool in the face of their aggression and so many bald lies they told against me in their content, in emails, and on the property but once I started seeing all the Form 10s they sent filled with such drivel, I knew I couldn’t keep going back and forth over it anymore. I refused to read their crap after a while, it wasn’t worth my emotional upset anymore. I became fed up with it all!
During that time, I was bombarded almost daily with criticism from Toxic Adult Bullies in their emails, and sometimes just to me, that they did. It seemed that every new email was filled with new allegations against me of one sort or another! ALL of the Toxic Adult Bullies Email Received That Caused Mental Health Issues for Stella Reddy
How was I supposed to manage to deal with that, and do my job effectively? I couldn’t, as by this time I had lost faith in my employers, as well as myself. I became afraid to move for what would be said about it, by anyone. I felt beaten down and managed by other people around me and I gave in to the pressure of it for a while!
I was made to feel by all around me, that everything I did was wrong and I couldn’t take the constant criticism. It does tend to get to you after a while! I had the Toxic Tenants of 303 and their followers making me feel hunted and watched, and I had the property owners also criticizing me for defending myself and telling me to send all documents to him first for review, as they too were paranoid by this time. The constant questions from my employers over what I thought would happen, also drove me batty!!
No one could take being micro-managed in that way, it is demoralizing. Even my own husband at the time was giving in to the pressure from others to “stay quiet” and telling me to do the same, to give it time. I felt my needs were being totally ignored, as what I needed, wasn’t as important as what others needed.
I couldn’t go on like that anymore and had to find better coping skills, which are noted in the poster I share here! It was these things that got me out of my head and are as natural to me now as breathing, with the intensive counselling I received!
I share the article below that I found on Psychological Today about Adult Bullies and how to manage to deal with them. The most important one is to keep safe, which was what I did when I quit my job on July 4, 2018, a month after receiving their applications with HRTO against me. I knew from their past actions by this time that they were going to be really vindictive and I was very insecure over the lies they could make up and tell in the contents of their website of 859kennedyroad.com they had online then. Waiting to see what they would do or say next, became my daily life for a couple of years and the anxiety from that was terrible!
They later changed their sites to reflect this: http://web.archive.org/web/20190610163005/http://859kennedyroad.com/, then to this one, http://web.archive.org/web/20200124153056/https://www.859kennedyroad.com/, to this one http://web.archive.org/web/20200130151034/http://859kennedyroad.com/ and finally it started to become what it still is today, http://web.archive.org/web/20200625120748/http://859kennedyroad.com/
In that version of their site, they claim they did absolutely nothing wrong and you can see that in their words they had there. The content of this first website proved to me that these people had no trouble outright lying when it suited them!! I knew they would base their narratives on various lies that were based on a familiarity with my personal life that they just didn’t have!
After the letter was received on August 31, 2016, I did keep my distance from them and only dealt with them when absolutely necessary, which was also why I decided not to do the annual inspection in October 2017 and why I didn’t push to get the repairs done as per the Order from Property Standards. The City of Toronto didn’t push us either to get the repairs done, they put the Order on Hold till the Tenants vacated, as I told them I refused to deal with them anymore and told them the work would be done as soon as they moved out, which was just what happened.
I was upset over the owners telling me to ignore them and their letter in 2016, as I knew that doing that, would only tell these Tenant Bullies that we were afraid of their reactions and they would only keep it up, which was just what happened. They started the process by giving a Work Order for bathroom ceiling repairs a year later, just as an excuse to start at me again. I truly believe that no matter what I did, the entry would not be granted by these Tenants, at no time for no reason, they just wanted an excuse to get at me.
You see, I knew that Divisional Court wouldn’t find any issues with the process of the Landlord and Tenant Board hearing that was held, and I knew there was no way that Divisional Court would let them include allegations about me, as that was not what they do. I shared the knowledge I gained over Divisional Court processes during HRTO, as they overlapped for some months.
I always knew I had my own personal rights, but in the face of so much opposition, in time I gave up trying to enforce them with these people, but I did it in my own way with my own websites I did over time. Doing those did help me release a lot of the strong emotions I was having at the time, but after my anger started going away, I started feeling uncomfortable with the content online. I can’t attack other people as they can and not feel anything over it!
Keep a paper trail of facts, issues, agreements, disagreements, and timelines. Build a strong case of factual evidence against the aggressor. In addition, identify whether there may be other victims of the bully, and consider a joint, formalized response. Leverage strength in numbers.
I have my paper trail of facts, issues, agreements, disagreements, and timelines and have built a strong case of factual evidence against these aggressors in the content of my own website. I have also identified other Targets they have made since me and I did reach out to them to let them know they are not alone and I did share my site so they could see my Story. The Truth, like the sun, will always come out.
So all I have now is this site and it will remain that way. More than one is too much for me and too time-consuming… Besides, I can only type so long!! Summer is coming and with it, the nicer weather and all I want to do then is be outside, enjoying it, not sitting here focusing on negative things that Bullies do.
I have recovered my Mental Health. the fear is all gone, and I do as I please with no thought of criticism and personal attacks from someone else, especially Toxic Adults who Bully others! I am back to not giving a F**K to what other people think about me and what I do, as I have every right to be myself and share my Story as I see it. I will continue for as long as I feel I need to do so!
“Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.”
— Paramahansa Yogananda
Most of us encounter adult bullies at certain points in our lives. An adult bully can be an intimidating boss or colleague, a controlling romantic partner, an unruly neighbor, a high pressure sales/business representative, a condescending family member, a shaming social acquaintance, or other types of abusive relationships.
On the surface, an adult bully may come across as aggressive, demanding, and domineering. However, with an astute approach and assertive communication, you can turn aggression into respect. Here are eight keys to successfully handle adult bullies, with excerpts from my book: “How to Successfully Handle Aggressive, Intimidating, and Controlling People.” Not all of the tips below may apply to your particular situation. Simply use what works, and leave the rest.
1. Keep Safe
The most important priority in the face of an adult bully is to protect yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable with a situation, leave. Seek help and support if necessary. Contact law enforcement, emergency hotline, crisis hotline, social agencies, or legal representatives if you have to. Should you decide to deal with the aggressor, consider the following skills and strategies.
2. Keep Your Distance and Keep Your Options Open
Not all adult bullies are worth tangling with. Your time is valuable, and your happiness and well-being are important. Unless there’s something critical at stake, don’t expend yourself by trying to grapple with a person who’s negatively entrenched. Whether you’re dealing with a road rage driver, a pushy salesperson, a hostile neighbor, an obnoxious relation, or a domineering supervisor, keep a healthy distance, and avoid engagement unless you absolutely have to.
There are times when you may feel like you’re “stuck” with a very difficult person, and there’s “no way out.” In these situations, think outside the box. Consult with trusted friends and advisors about different courses of action, with your personal well-being as the number one priority. We’re never stuck unless we have blinders on. Keep your options open.
3. Keep Your Cool and Avoid Being Reactive
“Bullies win when you’re upset.”
A common characteristic of bullies is that they project their aggression to push your buttons and keep you off balance. By doing so, they create an advantage from which they can exploit your weaknesses.
If you are required to deal with an adult bully, one of the most important rules of thumb is to keep your cool. The less reactive you are to provocations, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the situation. Some bullying scenarios may require a strong and assertive response, while others may be handled simply with you being unimpressed. Either way, keep your cool when you approach the situation. Maintain superior composure.
4. Know Your Fundamental Human Rights
A crucial idea to keep in mind when you’re dealing with an adult bully is to know your rights, and recognize when they’re being violated.
As long as you do not harm others, you have the right to stand-up for yourself and defend your rights. On the other hand, if you bring harm to others, you may forfeit these rights. The following are some of our fundamental human rights:
You have the right to be treated with respect.
You have the right to express your feelings, opinions and wants.
You have the right to set your own priorities.
You have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.
You have the right to get what you pay for.
You have the right to have opinions different than others.
You have the right to take care of and protect yourself from being threatened physically, mentally or emotionally.
You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life.
The Fundamental Human Rights are grounded in the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, laws in many democratic nations protecting against abuse, exploitation, and fraud, and, if you’re in the United States, the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights.
These Fundamental Human Rights represent your boundaries.
Of course, our society is full of people who do not respect these rights. Bullies, in particular, want to deprive you of your rights so they can control and take advantage of you. But you have the power and moral authority to declare that it is you, not the bully, who’s in charge of your life. Focus on these rights, and allow them to keep your cause just and strong.
5. Utilize Assertive and Effective Communication
As mentioned above, avoid interacting with aggressors unless you absolutely have to. When you are required to deal with one, strengthen your position by utilizing assertive communication skills.
6. Talk About Your Experience
Some victims of adult bullying remain quiet about their experience, and hide their suffering within. Reasons for keeping silent may include, and are not limited to fear, shame, embarrassment, denial, a sense of helplessness and powerlessness, as well as gender, cultural, social, and/or institutional conditioning.
However, being a quiet victim is not only mentally and emotionally unhealthy, it can encourage the bully to repeat and intensify their aggressive behavior. No matter how difficult the circumstance, seek out trustworthy individuals to confide in, whether they be friends, family, workplace confidants, counselors, or operators on a crisis hotline. Sharing your experience is not only cathartic; the support you receive may often strengthen your ability to handle the challenge.
7. In Serious Situations, Proactively Deal with the Problem Early On and Formalize Your Communication.
With adult bullies whom you need to interact with on a regular basis, it’s important to put a stop to any serious, potentially damaging patterns early on. Let yourself, not the bully, be the one who sets the tone of the relationship.
Whenever possible, formalize your daily communication with the bully by either putting things in writing, or having a third party present as witness. Keep a paper trail of facts, issues, agreements, disagreements, and timelines. Build a strong case of factual evidence against the aggressor. In addition, identify whether there may be other victims of the bully, and consider a joint, formalized response. Leverage strength in numbers.
8. Set Consequences to Compel Respect
When an adult bully insists on violating your boundaries, and won’t take “no” for an answer, deploy consequences.
The ability to identify and assert consequence(s) is one of the most important skills you can use to “stand down” a difficult person. When effectively articulated, strong and reasonable consequence(s) gives pause to the adult bully, and compels him or her to shift from violation to respect. Consequence can be presented as seven different types of power you can utilize to affect strong and positive change.
In conclusion, to know how to handle adult bullies is to truly master the art of communication. As you utilize these skills, you may experience less grief, greater confidence, better relationships, and higher communication prowess. You are on your way to leadership success!
Preston Ni is the author of (click on titles): “How to Successfully Handle Aggressive, Intimidating, and Controlling People” and “How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People“.
© 2016 by Preston C. Ni. All rights reserved worldwide. Copyright violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution.https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/communication-success/201611/8-keys-to-handling-adult-bullies