Sometimes, you come across an article that “speaks” to you and you see the similarity in your own situation within the words. I have had many instances of that over the past few years!
Especially from so many other bloggers and I greatly appreciate all the people who have had the courage to share their personal stories so that I can learn from them!
I have found so many people since 2018 who have taught me a lot about how to recover my mental health and well-being from toxic adult bullies and I am forever grateful!
Below, is one such article I found recently and reading it was like reading my situation. All of these elements can be found in the content of stellareddy.com and its many Topics. Toxic Adult Bullies Domain of StellaReddy.com And Its Malicious Contents
Below, I cropped the pages of the Transcript that covers the alleged “prior meeting” they claim we had sometime in June 2016. This lie was the biggest they told. They used this fake prior meeting as a basis for all their allegations against me and even included it in their “Statement of Facts”, though it is a little different there. Funny how they could remember well enough to quote what they allege I said, but can’t remember the date!!
This picture contains part of their “Statement of Facts” and nowhere do you see either KR or AR bringing up this alleged prior meeting at some restaurant they claim we had to me or to anyone else during this time period.
I proved this meeting never happened, but they still try to claim it is true, even to this day!! Whenever there were asked to provide evidence of their claims, they would throw stuff up in my face and never answer the questions put to them!
I also include cropped pictures of the Transcript showing their blatant statements that I “doctored” paperwork by writing on there in handwriting that we had “no key” and “entry not gained“. They never proved any of this either!!
The last one was about how they stated I smelled of “alcohol” when I went to their apt. on Aug 24, 2017, when I didn’t even drink and hadn’t for many years and they claimed that I “didn’t like his opinion“.
Actually, I don’t need to like their opinions and I am allowed to ask them to provide proof of the claims they made against me.
Opinions are opinions, it was facts they could prove that I wanted to see. KR & AR could voice their opinions all they want, but it doesn’t make what they say, the truth nor does their words suddenly become facts just because they say they are! As the article says, “Gaslighters use manipulation and control tactics to distort your perception, feelings, and self-worth.”
Everywhere I turned they were trying to distort my perceptions, feelings, and self-worth with their false narratives, totally invalidating everything I said and did. I was not allowed to be, no one was, everyone was supposed to “agree” with these Tenants and their personal perceptions!
If you didn’t agree with what they say, then you are “exaggerating, embellishing, and outright lying“.
Even in their writings for Human Rights, they invalidate my rights to my own perceptions, memories, and opinions. They say I “embellished, exaggerated, and outright lied” but they don’t share the evidence proving that I did that.
Claiming they were “taken aback” by my letter doesn’t make my thoughts and feelings expressed there not valid either.
Just because these Tenants claim I made “deliberately inaccurate statements” it doesn’t mean that I did, it just means that I did to them. Voicing their impressions doesn’t mean they should be believed over everyone else.
I am an individual and as such am entitled to my personal perspectives. If I felt these Tenants were creating a hostile environment for me with their constant arguments over procedures I was changing, then I was entitled to that thinking. If I felt they were “aggressive and raised their voices at me” then I am entitled to feel that too. Just because they don’t agree doesn’t mean what I said was wrong!
Just as they were entitled to think that they believed “Stella Reddy might have some animosity towards them“, they can think it but it didn’t make it true and factual though. It was just their personal speculations, not anything they were ever able to prove, as they can’t.
There are no statements in their documents stating that “Stella Reddy violated our Human Rights when” all you see is “Stella Reddy likes to embellish or just outright lie upon the applicant and her husband, no matter how minor the statement is“. Where is the violation of their Human Rights?
In all these years of reading about all the Toxic Traits these Bullies showed me, gaslighting was the most devastating to me. They minimized me as another human being with all the invalidation they did and it was hard to get out from under all that.
I felt like I had no value, as every word I ever said during this situation, was taken and minimized by these Tenants as not important, only what they had to say is!!
It takes a lot of hard work to remind myself of my personal truth and to see the facts as they are, and not the emotions it brings out within me. I have my own feelings, right or wrong, and my own perceptions and am entitled to have them, no matter how anyone disagrees with how I feel.
These Tenants tried to make me out to be the villain because I held them to account for breaking the rules of entry. He claims there was “no grounds for the thing” that I went after them because I didn’t like his “opinion”. Of course, I didn’t, they were being nasty and malicious, and I was allowed to disagree and ask to see proof of their claims against me.
To me, it is the person who makes claims without providing evidence of it, is the one who is lying.
Such snide degrading comments were made!
9 signs of gaslighting you need to watch out for
Gaslighting is a term that has been thrown around many times but what does it actually look and feel like?
The first thing to know is it’s a serious form of mental and emotional abuse that makes you question your reality and sanity.
In other words, gaslighters use manipulation and control tactics to distort your perception, feelings, and self-worth.
And gaslighting can happen in any type of relationship — from romantic ones to those between family members, friends, and coworkers.
So, how do you know if this type of abuse is already happening to you? In this article, we’ll talk about the top warning signs you need to look out for and what you can do if you’re being gaslit.
Let’s get started.
1) They persistently and blatantly lie
One of the scariest things about gaslighters is they always deny the truth, no matter what.
And they do it with great conviction that it gets to a point where you start questioning yourself and can’t tell what’s true anymore.
Even if you saw their behavior or heard what they said, they will lie straight to your face and pretend like it never happened.
It can get worse: They’ll get upset, divert the conversation, or accuse you of making things up
2) They play the blame game
Gaslighters never take accountability for their actions.
Think about this for a minute: Does the person ….
- Always find a way to shift the blame anytime you communicate your feelings or bring up something that is not working for you?
- Blame you for being “too sensitive or irrational” or for never being able to “take a joke?”
- Make you feel at fault for every disagreement or argument?
- Make you feel guilty for something you didn’t say or do?
If you said yes to any of this, it’s a sign of gaslighting. It’s meant to make you question your behavior or reaction and deflect any responsibility for the pain they’ve caused.
3) They belittle you
If you constantly find yourself at the receiving end of unfounded criticisms from a person, it’s a red flag that reveals gaslighting behavior.
Gaslighters harness the power of words to control, demean, and harm you.
These rude comments and insults attack your character and make you feel small and helpless.
They’ll take things to a very personal level to keep you exposed and vulnerable. That’s how they take the upper hand and play with your perception of reality.
This brings me to my next point….
4) They make you question your self-worth
Do you always doubt yourself and feel like you’re never good enough? Do you always wonder if you’re being too unreasonable? Do you feel like you can’t trust your thoughts or instincts?
Here’s the deal: To gain control and power, a gaslighter will always put you down and make you feel insecure.
No matter what you say or do, they’ll always pinpoint how ineffective and wrong you are.
They’ll use any perceived flaw, weakness, or insecurity to keep you feeling unworthy and as off-balance as possible.
5) They trivialize your emotions
“You’re just paranoid.”
“You’re overreacting.”
These are just some phrases that gaslighters use to convince you that you’re wrong and that you’re making a big deal out of nothing.
They will downplay, dismiss, and invalidate your feelings and experiences to further undermine your reality.
It gets to a point where you start questioning your feelings and even feel foolish for trying to stand up for yourself.
That’s the thing with gaslighters, they thrive on doubt and insecurity.
When you can’t trust your perceptions and feelings and believe what the gaslighter says, that’s when you’re more likely to put up with the abuse and fail to hold them accountable for their behavior.
6) They make you feel like you’re crazy
One of the most dismissive and manipulative tools of a gaslighter is making you believe that you’re losing your mind.
They’ll tell you that you’re misremembering or imagining things or that you’re paranoid when you see signs of dishonesty or inconsistency.
It’s how they divert the attention away from their bad actions. They may even ask you to seek help for your mental health as a way to deceive you into thinking that you’re going crazy.
You see, a gaslighter’s lies and distortions of reality make you legitimately question your own sanity. The reality is, it’s another way of saying “These problems are your fault, not mine.”
7) They isolate you
And it gets worse: A gaslighter will create a distance between you and your loved ones and discredit you to others by spreading rumors suggesting that you’re unstable.
Never underestimate a gaslighter’s ability to always put their best foot forward and earn the trust of your family and friends. They’ll use this connection to easily bend reality and turn your loved ones against you.
The goal is to separate you from people who can give you the support you need to prove the gaslighter wrong.
By now, you should know that a gaslighter is a master liar. They’ll make you believe that you don’t have anyone else to turn to or trust — except them. Isolation gives them more control over you.
8) They refuse to listen
When you’re confronting this person, do you often feel like you’re saying the same thing over and over and you’re still not being heard?
Does this person often deflect from the topic and bring something else up to make you look like a culprit, and them the victim?
These are all signs of gaslighting. Gaslighters will never acknowledge your perspective. They’ll insist that you’re completely wrong all the time.
9) They’re inconsistent
One of the hallmarks of gaslighting behavior is that their actions don’t match their words.
They can offer you the moon and the stars but they wouldn’t keep even the smallest promises. When you try to remind them of anything they’ve promised, they would deny it outright.
Plus, if you find that a person’s behavior always confuses you, it’s a gaslighting red flag.
Do they criticize and hurt you one minute and then shower you with kind words the next?
This shift from blame to praise is another ploy to keep you under their control and make you think that they’re not so bad after all.
