Gaslighting is A Painful Experience & Hard to Recover from

Narcissist Favorite tactic

I’ve written about Gaslighting before and I know I will again, as it is such a terrible thing to experience. It is traumatic to be told what you are, what you do, and what you say, so unequivocally, by a tenant, a total stranger, who don’t know you and who is not a part of your life to know what he says is true, he just says it is. It causes issues within…

I can claim Kory Read is the racist, as he spends so much time talking about it, but that don’t mean it’s true! It is just something I could say about him, just like the things he says about me. 

Recovering from Gaslighting is really hard. Having tenants, Kory & Allison Read, trying to manipulate not just me, but so many others, into doubting perceptions, experiences, and our understanding of events, was such a confusing things to go through, it is Traumatic.

When I first read that 7 page letter in August 2016, I was really confused. Seeing how their convoluted thinking went in this letter, the speculations leading from one thing to the next, “I have to say that from the moment I met you, I had a strange feeling that you had some kind of issue with me” is pure gaslighting.

I was like WTF? How would Allison Read know if I had an issue with her? Really? This letter blew my mind, and it still does. To see the progression of their speculations over race was very mind blowing, how they could turn speculations they have into facts they believe! 

In the beginning of this letter, Allison Read speculates on what it could be with her questions ofI am not sure if sudden on of you realized I was black, maybe someone realized that my children were mixed, or because I am on Social Assistance.” andI mean it could very well be that because my partner is white and that inter-racial relationships are frowned upon by you 3 white people and is not tolerate or welcomed in YOUR building. But I do know that the problem starts with you, Stella.”

Such speculations, that in the end, they tried to turn into facts. It blows my mind to see such blatant statements from a stranger, over anything to do with me, when they just do not know.

You can see the progression of questioning what it could be, becoming what they claim it was, with this sentence The 3 of you have now taken your personal ideology towards myself, my family and our color and made it into a personal agenda to make mine and my family’s life as uncomfortable and as inconvenient as you can.”

How they could take their convoluted thinking and turn it into facts they know for sure, was completely unbelievable to me and caused so many issues in my psyche. 

Not only do they gaslight the reason they received the Form N5 for pest control, and try to get you to think it was given because they threatened to file a claim with the LTB over the temporary  camera inside the elevator, and they threaten a civil lawsuit. “it would be recognize just as that in any civil lawsuit.”

Yet, nothing came from them in all this time. There was no filing against me or anyone, as I assume they tried, but was told they had nothing to complaint about. If the camera was in the hallway, directly in sight of their apartment door to see inside when it opened, then I could understand. But it was INSIDE the elevator, to catch the vandalism on the door, which I have evidence of. Just another empty threat by Kory & Allison Read over things they gaslighted, but can’t get anyone to accept.

Very First Letter Filled with LIES Written by Kory Read & Allison Read To Bully Stella Reddy

Kory & Allison Read’s first domain, 859kennedyroad.com, was my first experience with seeing gaslighting in action online, as they claim they are perfect tenants who did nothing wrong, for them to be brought before the LTB in the first place. They imply they paid rent on time, had the cleanest apartment in the whole building at that, and got along with everyone, even my sister, implying there was no reason for them to be taken to the Landlord and Tenant Board. They included the released decision, where people can see for themselves they were evicted for refusing access all the time, but you don’t see the writer discussing that, do you? Nope… Kory Read will never admit it was his own actions that caused them to be evicted…

Kory Read’s First Domain: 859kennedyroad.com

I can keep going and share all the gaslighting I saw from Kory & Allison Read, where they take my personal experiences and try to change them into what they think and want you to see, by implying with their caustic manipulations, but I won’t. It is on enough pages…. Check out stellareddy.com and see all the posts there where Kory Read is trying to change my reality into his…. lol

I wanted to share the article below that I recently read. I did feel like I was on trial, all the time, by everyone around me. The only difference is that I have the evidence of their gaslighting, all over the content of stellareddy.com. People can see the very obvious attempts to change reality into their fantasies. They are very clearly on display in all of their websites…

http://stellareddy.com, http://davidstrashin.com, http://sjtomemberkevinlundy.com, http://859kennedyroad.com, http://socialjusticenetworkontario.ca, http://sjtomembervandanapatel.com.

Every page is Gaslighting, where Kory & Allison Read manipulate another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events.”. They are trying to manipulate not just me into thinking my perceptions are wrong, but also everyone else, is also wrong! 

The hardest part about being Gaslit, is the disengagement of others around me. I came to see this in action for myself: “a person convinces themselves that the rules of a particular ethical situation do not apply and can even rationalize it or blame someone else for it. In other words, even if people witness and believe you, they may distance themselves from you and not want to get involved. 

People you know and love may look the other way and act as though it didn’t or isn’t happening through a process called “moral disengagement,” a phrase coined by pioneer psychologist Albert Bandura.

This experience from friends and family, was the hardest part of all this. It wasn’t that I wasn’t being believed, they could see for themselves the words written in my name and some even saw the abuse of me in person on the property, but did nothing. All because they didn’t want the spotlight put on them for standing with me against them. No one wanted to take the chance of becoming a target by Kory Read, like my sister had become. Kory Read used my sister and her friend by manipulating the situation, and it is obvious on that post.

Some people I still don’t talk too, as they just don’t know what to say to me and feel uncomfortable, so don’t say anything at all. That is sad to me. 

Getting counselling is the most important step to recovery from gaslighting. I know I wouldn’t be where I am with this, if I didn’t get help. I took all the documents, emails, and legal applications to my Doctor, whom read it all and went over it with me, word for word, pointing out to me all the tactics in play within. He helped me look at these words differently and how to recognize gaslighting. I thank my counselling for where I am today and for beginning my education on all this I was exposed too.

I am thankful I have evidence of it all, on their own domains!! They can’t hide away from it anymore, as they don’t have the right to try and gaslight my own personal experiences away like they try to do. I have a right to my own perceptions, experiences, and understanding of events! They can’t take that right away from me, no matter how they try!! 

Writing a journal, was also my way through and these days, I write on this site. I did try, for a long time, to hide my pain, as I felt no one wanted to hear it or see it, so I isolated myself after I lost my mind a bit in July 2018. Why not? I felt no one wanted to hear what I was going through so it was easier to allow them to avoid me. I just sat in my isolation and felt the pain of abandonment of certain family members on my own. I still do. I don’t chase people anymore. If they want to be in my life, they know where to find me, I kept the door open for them.

Now, I openly share my experiences and in the sharing, I am healing from it! 

Sharing your secrets with a mental health professional is often the way to heal your pain. Finding this trusted expert can help you rebuild your life after loss because when you’ve been gaslit, you’ve likely lost trust in others and yourself. It is also normal to suffer other losses, such as friends, colleagues, and even family members who didn’t believe you or failed to offer help and support. Remember, you are not your experience with gaslighting, and it is possible to shape your narrative into one of healing.


https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/widows-guide-healing/202206/7-things-know-and-understand-about-gaslighting

Here are seven things you need to understand if you experienced gaslighting.

KEY POINTS

  • People you know and love may look the other way and act as though gaslighting didn’t or isn’t happening.
  • Experiencing gaslighting can create trauma.
  • Sharing your secrets with a mental health professional is often the way to heal your pain.

Gaslighting can happen to the best of us. When it happened to me, I didn’t even recognize it. Other experts pulled me aside and explained what I couldn’t see.

Gaslighting, as defined by the American Psychological Association, is an action word, in other words, a verb, “to manipulate another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events.”

One of the painful parts of the gaslighting experience is knowing that not everyone will believe your story. You may feel like you are “on trial” whenever you share your story. It may feel like you need to present your “case” with supporting evidence, details, and eyewitness accounts. Someone told me unless I had a recording of the incident, it would be “like it didn’t happen.” This process can be emotionally and physically exhausting and even traumatic.

Learning how to cope effectively will help you manage your emotional pain. And part of coping is understanding some aspects of being gaslit.

Understand people may disengage from you. People you know and love may look the other way and act as though it didn’t or isn’t happening through a process called “moral disengagement,” a phrase coined by pioneer psychologist Albert Bandura.

He wrote a book by the same name. Bandura said a person convinces themselves that the rules of a particular ethical situation do not apply and can even rationalize it or blame someone else for it. In other words, even if people witness and believe you, they may distance themselves from you and not want to get involved.

  • Write in a journal. When you’re experiencing gaslighting, it can be confusing. Writing out your thoughts can give you mental clarity. The act of writing the words around your invisible pain makes your suffering visible. Journal writing can help you develop words around your distress and vulnerability. Keep the journal because you may need it in the future, as it can serve as a record of your circumstances.
  • Share your secret with a trusted mental health professional. Keeping secrets can be painful. It can cause more hurt, emotionally and physically, when you’re actively concealing your feelings and experiences. In general, once you experience gaslighting, you start keeping secrets. At some point, you may have decided not to disclose how you were feeling and being treated. These burdens are wound tightly around the belief that you lack control over your future. Revealing them to a trusted professional, like a therapist, can help you decrease the anxiety.
  • Maintaining your image is hard work and creates more stress. We’re hardwired to belong, and rejection is painful. It is normal to fear rejection as we are hardwired to belong to others. While you may be concealing your suffering, keeping up a favorable image of yourself to present to others can be just as stressful. Now you’re trying to not only hide your anger and hurt, but you are also trying to appear strong when in reality, you are emotionally raw and vulnerable. This can also be the reason your emotional pain can increase.
  • Remember, you’re not to blame. Anger at the self is common, but remember you’re not to blame. Due to the nature of gaslighting, it typically involves a powerful situation in which you depend on the other person for some support (i.e., financial, emotional, family), and fear keeps the fire lit. This fear can turn inward and shape into anger, anxiety, and depression. It isn’t unusual to believe that you could have stopped it, but remember, the very power structure makes it difficult to exit the relationship.
  • Get a physical exam. Painful, traumatic events, like gaslighting, can cause physical problems. Your doctor may be able to offer help for your symptoms, like headaches, sleepless nights, or upset stomach. It is important to tell your doctor everything. Not disclosing to them prevents them from being best able to help you.
  • Seek out a mental health professional. Gaslighting experiences are often best shared with a mental health professional who won’t judge you but can guide you through the trauma because gaslighting is a traumatic experience. A blind spot can form when you are in this type of situation, and a mental health professional can see the larger picture and provide clarity and support.

Sharing your secrets with a mental health professional is often the way to heal your pain. Finding this trusted expert can help you rebuild your life after loss because when you’ve been gaslit, you’ve likely lost trust in others and yourself. It is also normal to suffer other losses, such as friends, colleagues, and even family members who didn’t believe you or failed to offer help and support. Remember, you are not your experience with gaslighting, and it is possible to shape your narrative into one of healing.

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